Posts by Dayshdeess

27

witness/non-witness romance- how'd yours fare? Check in!

by detective in

i'm just doing this as an easy reference point for our new board members who came here seeking advice on their witness/non-witness romantic relationships.

questions for board members: .

* have you been in this type of relationship?

Dayshdeess

Nothing but turmoil, at the time I really didnt delve into just what was involved with dating a witness, what with me being of no faith at all and my partner with a new found belief that she was a chosen one. Really was doomed to failure before it even got off the ground, I just couldnt see it.

They say 'love is blind' and it sure is. People on this board gave me sound advice at the time, and told me to start running, that was four months ago, and boy am I glad I took your advice, I knew nothing about witnesses, except from the stereotypical view I held like everyone else, I read up on it and asked all the newbie questions and it really was as/is as messed up as I read it and you all told me.

If it works for you then congratulations, unfortunateley I lost out to the big J, but then again she did tell me that I would always come second. Im glad I saw sense before I married her and can honestley say I would not have been able to support her in her faith, which in turn would have caused it to fail.

Being ignorant to the facts and future implications it would bring to my future and just being smitten by the love bug, clouded things greatly. I had too much to lose in my life, my friends and family were all against me getting seriously involved and I couldnt see it. I still love her to this day, but I lost her the day she was welcomed into the kingdom hall.

27

I guess it was not meant to be

by Dayshdees in

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/20/63523/1.ashx.

i guess i should have listened to all your posts a while back when i asked if a relationship could work between a jw and a non jw, many of you shouted run like helll !!

, run dont walk !!!.

Dayshdeess

Thank you to everyone that gave advice, it made me see a lot of things that I was brushing under the carpet, they do after all say love is blind.

The best thing I ever did was to get away for a few day's, you really cant begin to believe how clearly I could see thing's after taking myself out of the situation.

Being away from my partner and my family cleared me up big style, I made the decision not to go ahead with marriage despite how I felt and still feel about her, I never thought I would ever get to the stage of having a breakdown over a woman, but I did, I guess it was never going to be easy after I was told about her beliefs, Im just a commitmentphobe I suppose but my babys beliefs have not made things any easier for me.

After a few days of getting back my family started talking to me again, then my partner wanted an explanation which was not easy, we talked, she listened but it was still along the lines of her way or no way, cut a long story short she has not got her way and has thrown herself more into her studies, yet still wants to have a relationship if only for the moment, I have not conformed and made an honest woman of her so she can step inside the kingdom hall without any guilt.

Theres not really much of a relationship between us, no physical contact, as its a sin apparentley.

One thing to come out of this though is that since this has happened, she is being 'love bombed' by fellow congregation members and I suppose, probably just my opinion but she is being persuaded to disassociate herself from a worldy guy such as myself, though its not really having that affect, shes getting very confused and mixed up over things, It will probably come to nothing and Im just getting my hopes up, but I think she is having to decide between me and her religion.

I will more than likely lose out, but I think I might start attending my local christian church if she choose's me over it, I live in hope.

And thank you all again for the advice

27

Non Jw and Jw can the relationship last?

by Dayshdeess in

i have recentley fallen for a very nice female.

she's in her early twenties and i am 31, age we dont have a problem with and to be honest and soppy we truly love each other, her family have disowned her because of what she believes, my family have their doubts but again thats not a problem, i value my familys opinions who have already voiced their doubts, but i would like to make this work, albeit for her beliefs.. i feel she has been shown this way, firstly by her best friend who was born into it and has recentley been disfellowshipped for falling for a non jw, and also by things which have happened to her in her short life.

i knew after the first month that she was a jw, but she kept telling not to worry, as it wouldnt affect our future.

Dayshdeess

Well after a lot of soul searching, the loss of a family member and my loyal dog passing away today, then I believe it's time to give it a go.

I popped the question yesterday and she accepted, I appreciate all your opinions that you have posted and have read a lot of the similar threads, I can see a lot of complications in the future but were only here for a short period of time, so Im going to make the most of it.

Life's too short for me to worry, even though I do over the slightest thing's.

The last week in January a break has been booked to Las Vegas, which in itself will be great, however I may even consider arranging a marriage for us there and do a helicopter wedding on the canyon floor. As she can't marry in a church, her family wont attend and although my family want me to have a church wedding, understand that if and when I do marry her it wont be in a church.

Time to see the new year in now and celebrate the start of what I truly hope will be a long and happy life together.

I will most definetley be back to ask further questions, so for the moment take care everyone and a happy new year.

27

Non Jw and Jw can the relationship last?

by Dayshdeess in

i have recentley fallen for a very nice female.

she's in her early twenties and i am 31, age we dont have a problem with and to be honest and soppy we truly love each other, her family have disowned her because of what she believes, my family have their doubts but again thats not a problem, i value my familys opinions who have already voiced their doubts, but i would like to make this work, albeit for her beliefs.. i feel she has been shown this way, firstly by her best friend who was born into it and has recentley been disfellowshipped for falling for a non jw, and also by things which have happened to her in her short life.

i knew after the first month that she was a jw, but she kept telling not to worry, as it wouldnt affect our future.

Dayshdeess

mouthy yes thats correct, I'm a complete whatever person when it come's to religion, absoluteley no interest at all, she's not been baptised, but say's she would be upon marriage.

I'm going to get my hand's on a few of the impartial book's that have been mentioned in other post's and get some factual information, where I can actually load some ammunition into my view's and maybe make her see my side, not just have her shoot me down and dismiss my view's. It does not help my case that she has a job where she deals with irate caller's daily and easily win's an argument with them let alone me.

That's all of us really want in life is love and to be happy, I am but like I keep telling there is a lot to be considered from my side, I couldnt bear to watch her die if it came down to the wire.

27

Non Jw and Jw can the relationship last?

by Dayshdeess in

i have recentley fallen for a very nice female.

she's in her early twenties and i am 31, age we dont have a problem with and to be honest and soppy we truly love each other, her family have disowned her because of what she believes, my family have their doubts but again thats not a problem, i value my familys opinions who have already voiced their doubts, but i would like to make this work, albeit for her beliefs.. i feel she has been shown this way, firstly by her best friend who was born into it and has recentley been disfellowshipped for falling for a non jw, and also by things which have happened to her in her short life.

i knew after the first month that she was a jw, but she kept telling not to worry, as it wouldnt affect our future.

Dayshdeess

Well I made the mistake of telling her that I had been reading up on it and speaking to other people about it, my family and friends have no objections as far as I am happy, they dont particulary believe in her ideals but are happy If I am, others friends have been fairly straight to the jugular and told me to wake up and smell the coffee, she insisted that if I wanted to now anything then I should ask her, for her unbiased opinion, Im like what..unbiased ...I have a an open mind, I have my own free will honey. Needless to say fireworks ensued well untill the early hours of this morning, shes read up on all that before she decided to convert and I shouldnt be reading it, like this boards views and other peoples opinions are not valid, I should go to a meeting and see for myself the true things that go on, yes 'when hell freezes over' was my reply, to which the reply was 'your not openminded, thats the stereotypical view everyone has of JWs'.

I have no intention of being brainwashed by her.

Is it my perception, or is it more hardcore over in the US & Canada? Is it more lapse over here in thr UK? because whats shes telling me is not relating to what Im reading are the true beliefs of JWs.

Ive said about me not being accepted by her friends, but apparentley Im wrong as since going back to the meetings she has told them and they are happy for her to see a Non JW and eventually marry one? She has told me that she would herself be baptised after she is married and if children were to follow, then 'When' not 'if' they choose themselves to become baptised they could, again not an issue Im clear about surely the elders and congregation would pressure her to have them baptised at an early age?

I bought up the issue of outside persuassion from the congregation and like, and again she has told me differentley, that it would just be a decision of 50/50 between myself and her, nobody else.

I have asked her if the decision was to be made between me and her beliefs, where would I stand, surprisingly again she has said that I would be chosen over the witnesses. Am I lucky in that she is not fully immersed in this organisation, I have asked her to quit, but she says it wont come to that, I should respect her beliefs as Its not much different from christianity and I should be able to accept that as It wont affect our lives, Im not being naive or being sucked in but I want this to work, If only she was not a believer.

The blood issue also things dont seem to correspond, if and when children arrive on the scene, then should they become ill, she says she would discuss and even consider a transfusion.

With christmas one week away, another heated debate is on the cards already, I should spend xmas day with her and take part in no celebrations whatsoever, apart from getting drunk that is and sinning, despite my affections for her, from my point I have my family to consider, Im certainly not going to shun them just to get my leg over and make her happy, christmas lost its magic years ago for me, but even so no xmas day this year does not appeal to me.

Thank you all so far for your advice, should I stay with my partner then I see myself becoming a regular on this board, I appreciate this very much being able to voice my concerns and ask questions.

27

Non Jw and Jw can the relationship last?

by Dayshdeess in

i have recentley fallen for a very nice female.

she's in her early twenties and i am 31, age we dont have a problem with and to be honest and soppy we truly love each other, her family have disowned her because of what she believes, my family have their doubts but again thats not a problem, i value my familys opinions who have already voiced their doubts, but i would like to make this work, albeit for her beliefs.. i feel she has been shown this way, firstly by her best friend who was born into it and has recentley been disfellowshipped for falling for a non jw, and also by things which have happened to her in her short life.

i knew after the first month that she was a jw, but she kept telling not to worry, as it wouldnt affect our future.

Dayshdeess

Thanks for the quick replies.

'jgnat' those links are so true, yes unfortunateley she does fit the profile mentioned, however she has already said that there will be no discipline from her congregation/counsel for marrying a non JW, which I kind of find hard to believe after reading this forum.

There is patience in our relationship, but even so it seems very much her way or no way, 'I will not and can not change her' as she has clearly told me, she believes what she has been told by fellow JWs.

Also weve not got round to the outsiders part, never thought that would happen before now, will she be under that much pressure to follow their way?

'Mysterious' does not sound very promising does it, the symptoms fit exactly, she knows the truth and nothing i can say will change that. Im starting to think Is it worth coming second best in the relationship. She is definetley suffering from the guilt trip, that much I can be sure of. One point she has agreed to defer on, is if and when children come into the equation then no baptism will go ahead untill they are old enough to now their own mind, however the way i see it is, they have already been taught that way therefore its up to them, i certainly wont disown my children like her parents have.

She has agreed not to talk shop on purpose, however Im thinking only time will tell, she gets very much into her Southpark 'Cartman' mode when talking about it now.."wespect my authoratty"

'Marriedtodamob' Thanks, Cant be that bad can it? I will read deeper into your posts and topics and may start walking now...

'Maverick' I think I can lead her from the path with persuassion, well Im hoping I can.

'68' I may start running soon.

Ive already discussed with her, about them really being her true friends, when there quite happy to shun her in the street for her association to disfellowed JW, she turns round and tells me that its there religion thats stopping them acknowledgeing her, not the people themselves..Im like what!!! there not true friends, only by association in the K Hall, but she doesnt see that.

27

Non Jw and Jw can the relationship last?

by Dayshdeess in

i have recentley fallen for a very nice female.

she's in her early twenties and i am 31, age we dont have a problem with and to be honest and soppy we truly love each other, her family have disowned her because of what she believes, my family have their doubts but again thats not a problem, i value my familys opinions who have already voiced their doubts, but i would like to make this work, albeit for her beliefs.. i feel she has been shown this way, firstly by her best friend who was born into it and has recentley been disfellowshipped for falling for a non jw, and also by things which have happened to her in her short life.

i knew after the first month that she was a jw, but she kept telling not to worry, as it wouldnt affect our future.

Dayshdeess

I have recentley fallen for a very nice female, I myself am a complete non believer/agnostic, my partner of five months is a recent convert to the witnesses since February of 2003, previous to that she was a practising christian.

She's in her early twenties and I am 31, age we dont have a problem with and to be honest and soppy we truly love each other, her family have disowned her because of what she believes, my family have their doubts but again thats not a problem, I value my familys opinions who have already voiced their doubts, but I would like to make this work, albeit for her beliefs.

I feel she has been shown this way, firstly by her best friend who was born into it and has recentley been disfellowshipped for falling for a non Jw, and also by things which have happened to her in her short life. I knew after the first month that she was a Jw, but she kept telling not to worry, as it wouldnt affect our future. It didnt at the time, Could I have been more wrong. She has not been baptised therefore I foolisly thought maybe she was just going through a phase and her mind would change.

I was completley ignorant to what this religion was about untill I started to read up on this forum, and to be honest it freaks me out and does not make my future look very rosey with her.

The blood thing I found absurd, straight away always have, I made all the standard jokes about door knocking and inviting them in, it bothered her but not excessiveley and the novelty soon wore off, I make a point of trying to steer clear of religion at all costs, she talks about meetings to her friend and I switch off or vacate the room swiftly.

We have got to the moving in together stage, however she know tells me that she wont move in untill I marry her first, 6-12 months time I dont have a problem with, I would rather live with her first and find out all her bad habits, than get sucked in. I really cant seem to have a sound conversation with her about simple things, sounds silly but its as if she looks down on me, like as if because she has seen the light so to speak and she feels better than non Jws. Is this the norm?

Because her friend was recentley disfellowshipped, her friend is getting married to a non Jw in like six weeks so she can be welcomed back by her family, however after reading some of the posts on this board then even there relationship seems doomed. I know they say love is blind but it seems a very three way affair, my love for her, her love for jehovah and then me. I dont want her to change but is it really as bad and strict as Im reading it.

My partner was going to the meetings up untill the time she started seeing me, then she felt as she was sinning she could not go untill we marry, however last week she started to attend again, despite my objections and having sex before marriage and seeing me. Talk about being a hyprocrite she stated she would not attend again untill we got married, could she be losing her path from this ?

A joint savings account for our wedding was set up a few weeks ago and an engagement ring was bought a few weeks but now despite the fact that I love her, I really dont fancy the prospect of my future of having my front room filled with members talking shop, my kids being pushed into this belief, and just her looking down on me and the fact that she may try to convert me in the future. She has already asked if I would like to attend a meeting just to see what went on and to stop me from being so cynical about it, to which I politeley replied in the best phrase I could think of go away and no..

Should I just start running now

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks in advance