Jealousy, possessiveness, insecurities...I wrote the book! Having been born into the JW mindset [of my mother], I can see where it came from. With maturity, I realized how silly I was acting and saw others acting the same way.
My mother pretty much had me thinking that all men are bad and all women are good. Men had to talk them into the sex act. I was 17 when I made the horrifying discovery that women had sexual wants and desires! Go figure...That was the begining of my rageful journey into reality. I also believed in 'only ones' and was told I should marry a virgin. [I was...my ex-wife was not and was in total denial about why she was not. She said she was raped. She lied! I had to marry her to finally be told the truth. Virginity wasn't the issue. I would have understood after re-adjusting my thinking but she liked to lie about a lot of things. Plus she didn't know what love was either. Two losers...]
I definitely tormented my ex-wife with it [even though there was good cause for it] and realized how I approached life could help me overcome it. I possess no one else. If love is there, the other person won't purposely shame you and cause you to be jealous/insecure. If they're that flighty, turnaround is far play. I remember an ex-fiance who would always talk to the guys at parties and it would bug me so, I started talking to the girls every time she would get into this mode and it drove her nuts! We were very young then...more gameplaying. Not conducive to anything healthy.
I know a lot of x-dub men who had that same intense rage when a partner caused them to become jealous. I let go of too many great women because of my own anger/insecurities. I could cut them loose like they didn't exist! Sound familiar...? How horrifying emotionally! It wasn't until after I took a good hard look at my twisted thinking I was able to handle a relationship at 25 [I should have waited 10 more years before I considered remarrying].
Yes, I still have issues I'm working through like:
How do you look at your partner and feel total intimacy when they've been in the throes of passion with another man? How CAN you want to be the only one with this person when this kind of love is fleeting? Someone once told me Men want to be first -Women want you to be their last. Is this how it works?
Am I not supposed to totally love my mate?
A lot of my issues go back to childhood trauma and are NOT my mates fault/problem. If we waited until everyone addressed this issue and was in recovery, I think there would be a LOT of single men and women, stronger marriages, and healthy children but that's just my .02
gespro the amazing traumatized smoking baboon