| Hi Bikerchic, Yes, I do sound a little more than curious I suppose, but both of these people were close friends (non-jw girlfriend) . I am familiar with the lingo due to many discussions we had regarding some of the jw beliefs, I have to admit I could be very argumentive when I feel an injustice is being done. The girl , well she has moved but we stay in touch and these were her feelings that she questioned , I found this site awhile back and thought I'd make the inquiry. I do believe she still really cares for him and feel bad for her. As for him, like I said we haven't heard from him and we had known him first , for about 20 yrs. I had spoken to him a few times after he broke up with her and he sounded very hurt and confused , last time we spoke he was just not the same , sounded very disinterested and monotone, thought I'd just leave it alone and let things sort themselves out, and we never have heard from him ( my husband included). I certainly wouldn't go beyond this and try and find him, just thought I could ask those in the know and possibly give her some comforting explanation. I think the loss of someone you deeply care about is not always easy to let go especially under the circumstances. No, one certainly doesn't know the intricies of a relationship , however, he actually seemed more"into her" than vice-versa. thanks for the input though, Topcat |
topcat
JoinedPosts by topcat
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Arranged marriage ?
by topcat injust wondering if you think it a possibility that in certain situations jw's would arrange a marriage?
i obviously haven't been part of the religion but was curious about a friend who i think this may have happened to.
he had been away from the jw's for about 3 yrs.
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topcat
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Arranged marriage ?
by topcat injust wondering if you think it a possibility that in certain situations jw's would arrange a marriage?
i obviously haven't been part of the religion but was curious about a friend who i think this may have happened to.
he had been away from the jw's for about 3 yrs.
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topcat
Just wondering if you think it a possibility that in certain situations jw's would arrange a marriage? I obviously haven't been part of the religion but was curious about a friend who I think this may have happened to. He had been away from the jw's for about 3 yrs. (going through a divorce, moved) and was feeling I think very lonely and depressed ( suicidal at one pt.) . Anyway, he was later in contact with relatives who lived close by and they began a relationship again ( they were active jw's), he was in a relationship with a non-jw whom he seemed to really love but was feeling guilty about it. The relatives knew of this relationship but were trying to introduce him to jw women (he is a mature man in his 40's) which he didn't seem to interested in doing. Well , as time went on he began attending some meetings and being with them alot, and the mindset was becoming clearer as he separated himself from more wordly people. I should say he was also an alcoholic and had been reprimanded a few times in the past for his wordly behaviour (nothing that bad , just normal!). Next thing you know he split up with his wordly girl and the next week was starting to date a jw woman. You knew he had been quite in love with the other so how could this happen? Ended up marrying the jw woman in just over a yr. and no one has really seen or heard from him. We also know he had spoken with the elders ( at new congregation) just prior to breaking up or just after and seemed rather torn at the time. Is this the jw way to help a brother out? Could a woman really feel she is in a loving marriage when things seemed so set up? Like I said I'm just curious , maybe he could fall in love that fast but seems sad somehow knowing they were so happy (with the first one) and never had a chance of making it work. Thanks for your input,
Topcat
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witness/non-witness romance- how'd yours fare? Check in!
by detective ini'm just doing this as an easy reference point for our new board members who came here seeking advice on their witness/non-witness romantic relationships.
questions for board members: .
* have you been in this type of relationship?
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topcat
A little late perhaps, but I'd like to reply to this thread. I was involved with an inactive witness(3 1/2 yrs.) for 3 yrs. we had known each other for approximately 20 yrs. (friends), then boom , something clicked! I was never really that familiar with JW doctrine and never wished to be. I was actually friends with his wife and family too, they were separated when we got together. As it turned out he got drawn back into the religion by relatives who he began working with. We had an extremely intimate relationship and he always commented on how he could just be himself with me. Well as the relatives started poking their noses in, he got more versed in the old ways and I just got more infuriated . In one of our last conversations he asked if I'd ever look at the religion and if I thought he was being " controlled"? I had to be truthful to myself and him and I said no I just didn't feel comfortable with it ( had started doing more intense investigation at this pt.) and yes to the second part. Well I think that did it for him. As much as I could tell he wanted to be with me , the JW dogma was obviously more important in his life. Next thing you know he started dating a JW woman (appears she may be a pioneer) and a year and a bit later they got married. I still don't understand though how someone could have such intense feelings for a person and then like a switch , it's off! It's been about 21/2 yrs. since all that and I still pray for him daily that he will find the real truth. He was never a really happy person (depression, alcohol, psoriasis) and I really pray for his happiness , which I feel will only come when he is true to himself and leaves the JW's behind permanently. Would I do it again? I don't think so . My heart was literally ripped out and as much as I am thankful for the wonderful times we had, I don't think I would want to face those deamons again. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.
Topcat
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Dating rules for the mature jw. What are they?
by topcat ini'm just curious.
i am not a jw, nor do i ever plan on becoming one, however, after reading some posts regarding dating i was wondering how couples who are say 40+ handle it.
if either had been married previously and were now single again how does one begin dating when there appears to be so much control?
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topcat
Thanks for the replies. I guess I'll never understand how people can be so controlled and not realize it! I've often wondered if they are so concerned about being affected by the outside world why don't they live in a colony like the Hutterites? I really wish there was a way to save these people from themselves!!
Topcat
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Dating rules for the mature jw. What are they?
by topcat ini'm just curious.
i am not a jw, nor do i ever plan on becoming one, however, after reading some posts regarding dating i was wondering how couples who are say 40+ handle it.
if either had been married previously and were now single again how does one begin dating when there appears to be so much control?
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topcat
I'm just curious. I am not a jw, nor do I ever plan on becoming one, however, after reading some posts regarding dating I was wondering how couples who are say 40+ handle it. If either had been married previously and were now single again how does one begin dating when there appears to be so much control? I mean seriously, do they actually have to have a chaperone? And who's to say if they do go out alone or on a trip together if they both agree to do it secretly? Would someone actually squeal on them if found out? Also, if they can't actually date whomever , whenever, without the intent of marriage, what happens if it doesn't work out with the first person? Are they counselled to make it work? I just can't understand how a mature person could potentially set themselves up for disaster further on down the road . And yea, what about the sex? Can you really stop a mature relationship from going there? Also, is there any time frame concerning how long you should date before you become engaged? married? I apologize if I sound too curious , but it is really hard for me to understand it all.
Thanks