Incognito

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Posts by Incognito

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  40

  Closer/death/Funerals

  by Leela1 in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  hello all i am fairly new to this site even though i have been da since i was 16 years old i am now 35 years old.

  i have had very little contact with my family since i left maybe a handful of times over the years.

  i thought i put the past behind me and moved on i have 4 amazing kids of my own really supportive partner and great friends who have become my family.

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  Incognito

  Leela, I'm sorry I didn't see your reply until now.

  The phone number excuse as to why you weren't notified is obviously bogus.

  As you were then speaking directly with your sister, she no longer had an excuse yet from your description, it appears she did not offer information on your father's condition but you had to ask. Further, while there is no reason to withhold, she refused to provide you with the location of the hospice where he is currently located. She/they obviously want to ensure you don't attend, whether you intended to or not. It is likely the only notice you would have received if any, is after he passed.

  Since they no longer have an excuse of not knowing your phone number, perhaps it is more fitting for your mother to call you at her convenience, if she wishes to talk. The responsibility is then on her
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  40

  Closer/death/Funerals

  by Leela1 in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  hello all i am fairly new to this site even though i have been da since i was 16 years old i am now 35 years old.

  i have had very little contact with my family since i left maybe a handful of times over the years.

  i thought i put the past behind me and moved on i have 4 amazing kids of my own really supportive partner and great friends who have become my family.

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  Incognito

  I agree with steve2's comments with regard to you already having said 'Goodbye'.

  Apparently, your father hasn't asked to see you before he departs and others in your past family haven't seen any reason to inform you otherwise, I expect they would have informed you directly.

  It appears none have had any relationship with you and probably have never met your partner or children.
  

  I also agree with Wasanelder Once comments about writing a note, but only if that would be beneficial for you. Even if it is not actually sent, sometimes writing down your thoughts and feelings can be therapeutic. I think seeing your father in person could stir-up emotions that were long ago put in storage.

  While expressing forgiveness sounds as a great thing, if he doesn't feel bad for how things turned-out, he may not be accepting of forgiveness, especially if he thinks he hasn't done anything wrong. You could be left again reliving the emotions you had experienced 20 years ago.

  I believe the desire to forgive is more of wanting to 'let go' and no longer hold things against him, having come to accept that nothing will change.

  Feelings held in storage are a heavy emotional load and serve little benefit so letting go and acceptance lightens the load on you and provides a type of fresh start and outlook. That is a personal realization within yourself and does not require expressing that decision to him.

  Ultimately, think about what is best for you and your immediate family.
  
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  55

  How many of you are health nuts?

  by Harvard Illiterate 411 in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  there was/is a sister in my old hall who was a pharmaceutical sales rep and she was a huge proponent of anything in the drug industry.

  when someone had a headache, she was the first to say "take an asprin.

  " now my husband and i are what you might call old hippies.

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  Incognito

  Harvard,

  What's with the cigarette thing in your avatar?

  Cigarettes are not usually the symbol for a healthy lifestyle.
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  33

  Canada zone visit March 2016

  by Richard_I in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  canada's getting a zone visit in march 2016, but no mention of who's doing the visit.

  praying it's anthony morris and we get our own tight pants talk.

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  Incognito

  The doctor was a witness too? Obviously not a born in because that would have involved attending college. - hoser
  

  Not quite so. Although it is held against any R&F witness who plans to attend or attends college or university, that witness will be held in high regard if as a result of their advanced training, they can provide any service to WT. Consider the various lawyers the WT considers its own.
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  33

  Canada zone visit March 2016

  by Richard_I in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  canada's getting a zone visit in march 2016, but no mention of who's doing the visit.

  praying it's anthony morris and we get our own tight pants talk.

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  Incognito

  The only governing body member I ever remember coming to Canada was Freddy Franz way back in the early 1980's. - wannaexit
  

  I recall that visit as setting a record for the longest final prayer. I recall Freddy went on and on, basically retelling his entire keynote talk.

  Of course, the Canadian branch previously had the honor of Leo Greenlees assignment prior to his becoming a member of the GB.
  
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  77

  Trying To Leave - Im Going Crazy

  by pale.emperor in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  this is my first post.

  i really feel i need to leave the jw's rather than go along pretending everything is perfect etc.

  no friends, me at work.

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  Incognito

  I keep receiving the impression that you and she don't really communicate, and maybe never have. I seem's that you're willing to outwardly appear to accept whatever indiscretions she does, but then internalize the situation without calling her out and discussing matters with her.

  Did she actually ask to be forgiven or did you quickly forgive her so as not to need to discuss and deal with the problem?

  Marriage involves a sacred trust which is freely given to each other when you married. She doesn't seem to understand that. She broke that trust long before she went to the hotel, first in reporting your private marriage matters to her parents, and then in sexting with another man. The actual sex with another man, was the ultimate trust breaking act. Although you don't want to hold the incident over her head, she should need to earn your trust again.

  
  

  She has severe OCD
  

  And yet, her family and you, continue enabling this condition instead of helping her to obtain the help and support she requires. She needs professional help if she, or you, have any hope she will cope with the OCD so it is not always controlling her.

  In support of fredo's prior comments, you also would benefit from counselling. Things will not change unless you're willing to allow change.
  
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  77

  Trying To Leave - Im Going Crazy

  by pale.emperor in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  this is my first post.

  i really feel i need to leave the jw's rather than go along pretending everything is perfect etc.

  no friends, me at work.

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  Incognito

  Welcome!

  You love your wife, I get that, but that doesn't mean that you should or will accept anything she does. When you became married, you both vowed to love, honour, support and respect each other. She hasn't been living-up to her part of the vow. You need to stop accepting her bad behaviour.

  If you hope to remain married, you need to have a calm, rational discussion with her on your expectations and what is and what is not appropriate behavior in your marriage. Her discussing everything with her parents or anyone else, is inappropriate and unacceptable.

  You will need to do similar with her parents. Don't rely on your wife to set boundaries with her parents as she opened the gate to cause them to be as involved as they are. While you should expect she will support whatever boundaries are established, you need to be the one to set them.

  With regard to her 'affair', the excuse of her fear of being a Mom is obviously BS. Did she first discuss those fears with you as her partner? If she wanted 'spiritual' counselling, why would she be contacting an elder in another cong?

  If they were texting naked photos and sexual fantasies in advance of their private meeting, then she knew full well what was to happen in the hotel and it was all premeditated.

  As she wouldn't be texting those types of things immediately on first meeting someone, I suspect the relationship had been going on for some time but finding out she was pregnant, caused her additional guilt which she wanted to unload.
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  27

  Jehovah's Witnesses the richest religion in the world..

  by wwjdnwt in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  i don't post here too much..i am more of a lurker.

  but, wanted to share recent conversation with jw family member.. one of my jw relatives recently went to visit another jw relative that is "serving where the need is great",.

  when my jw relative returned home and i was talking with him, who is an older jw who has been in for over 50 years, was so excited to tell me about the special talk.

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  Incognito

  If I was still a donating member, that comment would lead me to reconsider any further donations. If they're so rich, they don't need my money.
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  36

  I have too much crap!! How to declutter/dehoard.....

  by Muddy Waters in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  some areas of our home are very nice, tidy, clean.

  and other rooms are just junk and clutter and clothes and papers.... omg.

  and now that we are getting older, we realize that we face a time of transition -- and this is hard to cope with too, as we believed the lie that we would never get old, etc.

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  Incognito

  While I haven't 'yet' experienced any issues with DVD's, no technology is 100% reliable. Having copies in multiple places ensures at least one copy remains available even if your favourite cloud service should suddenly disappear or be purchased.

  File format is a whole other concern. While PDF seems to currently be a universal standard, will it be replaced in 10 years? Who can say. Whatever format is utilized, should be periodically reviewed to ensure the data remains current and accessible.

  While paper documents and photos are somewhat fragile, take-up much space, are heavy and are not easily located or searched, they continue to archive fairly well.
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  36

  I have too much crap!! How to declutter/dehoard.....

  by Muddy Waters in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  some areas of our home are very nice, tidy, clean.

  and other rooms are just junk and clutter and clothes and papers.... omg.

  and now that we are getting older, we realize that we face a time of transition -- and this is hard to cope with too, as we believed the lie that we would never get old, etc.

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  Incognito

  Photo prints, slides, negatives, VHS, Super8, Regular8 movies and other outdated formats, can all be transferred to DVD. There are services that perform the format conversions for a fee. While the actual process will not require your time, you still need to accumulate, sort and get the originals to the conversion service.

  Since no-one really knows how long a DVD or other media will remain readable or continue as a current technology, it would be best to also obtain a second copy on a flash drive or other alternate media. Make a back-up online also incase of fire, flood, tornado or other tragedy occuring at your home.

  While you may continue to want to keep some of the originals, they can be safely stored away somewhere as viewing the digital versions will be more convienient and more likely to be viewed and shared. Old S8 & R8 film becomes brittle over time and who continues to hold onto a VHS player, just because you have stuff recorded to tape?