SAVE THE WORLD!! Sleep with an Apostate!!!
Doc, are you just trying to get laid???
this idea came to while i was in the chat... i got a couple... you guys chip in with whatever ya got.. "i'd rather be posting on jwd" and.
"my other car is an office chair".
i know those are weak- but somebody's got some good ones...
SAVE THE WORLD!! Sleep with an Apostate!!!
Doc, are you just trying to get laid???
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hello all.. i'm the farthest this from a jehovah's witness, i'm atheist.
but my boyfriend is a jehovah?s witness and we have been dating for about a year, and i love him so much.
Do a search on this site and find some of the threads on non-jw's dating a witness. In most cases, you're looking at a situation that will not ever work, but...there are some big ifs that may improve the odds a bit in your favor:
JWs are not supposed to date unless seeking a spouse, and are strongly discouraged from dating non-witnesses. They are NOT to have premarital sex and many sexual acts performed by the general population are, at best, strongly discouraged. They also can't smoke, do drugs, get tatoos or celebrate birthdays or holidays.
If he is doing any of those things, but is still hiding you from the JW side of his life, there are two common possibilities -1. he has doubts he wants to stay in but isn't completely ready to leave, or 2. he's leading a double life which is common, but could spell disaster for him when he is found out (and most likely he will because the group encourages spying and tattling) so he is going to continue to hide you.
Your post implies you are having sex. If they know about it, he may be disfellowshipped (excommunicated). If this happens, his family and other members of the cult will shun him. In other words, he runs a very real risk of losing everyone else he cares about.
So, your answers to the above questions make a huge difference, because in a nutshell, his relationship with you is forbidden and can cost him dearly, so odds are, given he's hiding your existence, your relationship has no future.
Give us more details, and cruise the site. You will get better ideas and perhaps even figure out what, if any, you can do to help him ditch the cult (a tough thing to make happen).
Best of luck.
i was dating someone for 18 months before i broke it off--he didn't want a committment and he would not even say that someday we might end up together as a couple.
it's been 2 years since we broke up and we both married other people.. i was deeply in love with this person, even with every last ounce of my soul.
(it was complicated and we both had kids.
Good luck Diana,
Just remember this when you start to get all weak in the knees - if he's been lying to her all this time, he's not a good husband candidate. In my past experience, when they've had a girlfriend in the background (it's happened a few times) they've never ended up committing to me OR them. I think the other woman is just their way of telling YOU that they aren't going to make a commitment. It's a way of creating a distance. After all, if she were really that bad, he'd have cut it off completely long ago, psycho or not (and this kind of guy can make a nice girl very crazy).
I have learned so much about relationships in the last couple of years and wonder why I'd been such a dope for so long. I can't believe what I put up with!
One warning about this guy - a lot of times being commitment phobic is part of a need to control issue. It is very possible, maybe even likely that once you tell him YOU are done, he'll be back. (didn't you say that's already happened once?) However, unless you are bold enough to ask if he's really ready to date on your terms, odds are nothing has changed, and even if he agrees, a true CP will think that's what he wants (not meaning to be sexist...women do this too) but will bolt again, usually within a month or two.
I'd love to know what societal forces have made our generation so damn disfunctional when it comes to forming good relationships!
i was dating someone for 18 months before i broke it off--he didn't want a committment and he would not even say that someday we might end up together as a couple.
it's been 2 years since we broke up and we both married other people.. i was deeply in love with this person, even with every last ounce of my soul.
(it was complicated and we both had kids.
Oh yeah, I take breakups pretty hard, and still harbor a feeling about the few serious past loves that "if things had been different, we'd still be together." I don't know how common that is, or if it is a chick thing, I just know that's how I am.
I used to spend a lot of time on the relationship boards and have written on them (I'm a writer by trade) and I have my own theories based on some common observations.
First of all, men and women typically deal with breakups differently, even though both may hurt as badly. Men like to get their mind off that person by getting involved with someone else. Women tend to mourn first and move on later. Thus his quick marriage may have been a rebound to avoid thinking about you.
As to why they will marry someone else, well heck I've had that happen so many times I used to joke how they "always marry the very next girl" (actually true for me except for 2). I also joke I must scare them out of dating! Anyway, I think a better possibility is that some women make it clear very early on that marriage is an expectation and are not afraid to push the "commit or I'm gone" button. The rest of us whine about wanting to take it to the next level, they usually push us a way, then we take them back without requiring them to make the desired commitment. Do it often enough and they never take you seriously. What's more I think that they begin to become less likely to ever commit.
I have advised friends (have one who wants to marry her guy of 2 years very badly who hasn't heeded the advice) that they have to decide exactly what they really want from this guy. If you are seeking a husband, is he truly the man you can live with for the rest of your life or are you more in love with the idea of marriage? If the answer is positive, then you need to set a deadline for yourself. I don't believe in rushing into marriage, but there are different levels of commitment, including sex, exclusivity, living together, etc. You do have to take into account his values and time table, but if you really want more, you may have to make that clear. Most of all, you have to be ready to say "this is what I want and if you don't share that desire then perhaps we need to part ways," and you need to mean it.
Truth is, if you can't get what you want from someone, then you really need to move on and find someone who can deliver. Most of us are so afraid to lose this partner, that we haven't the courage to stand up for ourselves. For someone who is afraid to commit (or even just happy with the status quo), it may take a genuine risk of losing you for them to make a decision.
You said you did marry someone else. What did you do differently in that relationship that got you to the alter? You may find some answers there.
The other possibility is that the other guy is a true commitment phobic person and even a CP will marry if the other partner threatens to leave. Unfortunately it doesn't always mean they are happy or will be a good and faithful spouse.
I don't know you, I don't know him, but I suspect some of this came into play. I think it also helps to remember that as time passes, we remember more of the good, than the bad. That's how second children are born because if the memories of morning sickness, labor pains, and newborn colic were stronger than the good memories, no one would ever get pregnant twice! It is possible that what you are feeling now has more to do with the good memories overpowering the problems. It is also possible that there were aspects of the old relationship that were more exciting than the current one. No relationship is perfect, so you may be comparing some things.
Enjoy your current spouse. The bird in the hand is definitely worth more than 2 in the bush, and relax, I strongly doubt, even from what little you said, that he was only in it for the sex. Odds are he enjoyed far more of you than that or you wouldn't have been together so long.
Seriously, I'd ask why a mole rat has eyes but yet cannot see.
So he can make a good JW!
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let it be this forum or any other, have you made "true friends" over the internet?.
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Yes, including friends in other countries. It can be a lot of fun to get around and meet them too. I've also found romance on an Internet dating service.
i am sure the subject is not very descriptive and for this i appologize.. i would like some assistnace in biblical references that say how homosexuality should be viewed and how one should deal with another that is homosexual or that has homosexual friends even if they non study's daughter says she and this other girl aren't 'doing anything'.
i know this is long winded, so i will just now finally get to the point.. i am a grandmother that has recently taken back up studying after a 1-2 year pause.
when i had first started studying, my daughter was also studying and we had our study togeather as i was staying with she and her husband because she had medical trouble and could not care for their 3 children when he was gone to work.
I am not gay either, but neither am I homophobic. I am of the belief that nature (for religious folks - G-d) seems to have built a predisposition towards sexual preference into all mammals (and yes, homosexual acts exist in other mammals) and that to judge such preferences, as another poster suggested is the same as judging someone for having a mental illness or heart disease.
None of my children appear to be bisexual or gay, but if they were, I would love them the same and would certainly not put my relationships with them (which I treasure dearly) in jeopardy by demanding they change who they are.
I also do not read anything into Grannie's post that would determine that her daughter is gay or bisexual, just the claim that she and her husband wanted to experiment sexually. Grannie needs to know that such desires, do not equate to being either bisexual or homosexual, as it is more a factor, at this point, of being curious and wanting a more adventurous sexual life (and I'm not placing a judgement good or bad on the couple's choice to explore that option).
And if she is bisexual, she is. Nothing you, I or grannie says will change that.
i am sure the subject is not very descriptive and for this i appologize.. i would like some assistnace in biblical references that say how homosexuality should be viewed and how one should deal with another that is homosexual or that has homosexual friends even if they non study's daughter says she and this other girl aren't 'doing anything'.
i know this is long winded, so i will just now finally get to the point.. i am a grandmother that has recently taken back up studying after a 1-2 year pause.
when i had first started studying, my daughter was also studying and we had our study togeather as i was staying with she and her husband because she had medical trouble and could not care for their 3 children when he was gone to work.
I doubt that you will get much sympathy here on this board given that we encourage freedom of thought, not repression.
I will ask though, why do you care what two consenting adults do? It really is none of your business.
I agree though that if you object to what your daughter may do when you are watching her kids, by all means do not watch them. I certainly would not support my daughters in any behavior they chose to engage in that I did not approve of. This would include things like drug use or "ditching the kids" for casual sexual encounters. Your list of what you do not support should [obviously] include those things you would choose not to support.
But beyond that, you must know that any objections you raise will only create problems in your relationship and will NOT change her mind. Most of all, quoting scriptures will not change her mind but will reduce your credibility with her. A more credible argument is a discussion of your feelings and how you genuinely feel she is putting herself at risk. For example, you mentioned that you felt a "three-some" would put her marriage at risk. I presume you told her why you feel that way.
Maybe it changed her mind, maybe it didn't, but at least if it is discussed calmly and rationally, she may think before she acts. Acting judgemental will only shut down her communication with you.
Keep in mind that respecting her choices, even when you disagree, is how you keep open your relationship as two adults and as mother and daughter. Allowing her to live her own life, even when her decisions seem wrong to you, is not the same as condoning things you do not approve of, it is allowing her to live her adult life, as one.
If you don't respect her, she won't respect you either. Share your concerns. Mothers should certainly do this, but in the end, she alone lives her life and she has to live with her decisions.
i just recently join this site because i was looking for a friendly place for witnesses to go and chat.it's ok!..but i seen a lot of witness bashing.there's another site i want to get into, that's also a site for the witnesses.but i don't know what po means.and that's the only way a true witness can get in.i think maybe there is where i want to be.because i don't need to be in a site for witnesses,where its suppose to be friendly.yet witness haters are coming in.i haven't heard any witness bashing anyone in this site..but yet its the other way around.
I'll also state the so far unstated, you might be a lot less sad and lonely if you were interested in finding a nice man regardless of his religious affiliation (as long as he is tolerant of yours). I realize that this goes against everything you were taught, but recognize that good people come in all races and religions and how well someone treats you is the important part.
Best of luck. As an outsider (always have been, always will be) it is impossible to understand any religion that REQUIRES its members to be "sad and lonely" unless they select a mate from the limited pool that they offer.
Even in the full worldwide pool of available men, as women we compete against younger women who have less baggage (like kids) in addition to women within our own age bracket. Biology also has created a growing imbalance of men to women (as we age, there are far fewer men then women and this gets worse with age).
This is how I explained to my own mother why I have learned to be completely happy dating men from different religions, backgrounds and even races. Even my bigoted mom now understands that finding a good man is the important part - someone who treats me and my children kindly and lovingly; someone who brings out the best in me and wishes me success in everything I attempt; someone who looks into my eyes and makes me feel beautiful and wanted.
Just finding that is challenging enough past 35, if you limit yourself to a smaller pool of candidates, you'll not likely ever find love.
Another important thought that I realized several years ago, the best way to avoid being lonely isn't having one special person, it is having a circle of warm friends. To put that burden onto just one person is too much, and unfair to both you and them.
Find things to do that interest you. You say that you are a dedicated witness but are not "congregating" so you have isolated yourself. You need to find some group or activities that DO interest you. Perhaps help at the school or library, whatever you do, it should be something you like. You will make friends that way.
The Internet can help reduce the feelings of isolation, but ultimately you need to get out amongst real people.
ok quick recap of events leading to this.
my dtr married young to prominent family in wtbs...had dtr...dtr now 14 years old....my dtr left hubby and wtbs about 10 yrs ago....she is doing very well in life...... she told me today her 14 years old dtr has not heard from her father (x-hubby) for over a month....why i ask???
?because she does not want to become a jw...............he now basically has very little , if anything, to do with her due to this.
I still cannot comprehend the concept of such a drastic punishment of a child who is not making an adult decision. I could understand the parent who rejects an adult child who won't live by their standards. This happens all the time, for example if an adult child is an evil criminal or drug addict. Some parents do not reject their child under any circumstances, some do. And yes, I see a significant difference between a person not accepting a religion vs a person doing very evil things. But the rejection of an adult child, and why or why not, is an argument for a different thread.
But at 14 we are dealing with a child. A child who still needs love and guidance from both parents. Stupid father here who rejects a child for a decision she may still make (or not...but she is still a kid now and deserves a break). Kids, especially teens, make a lot of decisions that don't please their parents, however most grown into good adults despite their youthful errors. (and yes, in this case "error" is used broadly since whether or not she is making an error is a matter of opinion).
Why do they insist on requiring baptism earlier and earlier in life, instead of REQUIRING it to be an adult decision made with some maturity under the belt? Oh yeah..that would be logical....sigh...