Posts by beebee

9

easy to use sex offender national database.. (usa) (just put in zip code)

by candidlynuts in

.

beebee

Can't you just post the addresses of the local KH's?

36

Anyone Here from No Calif?

by love2Bworldly in

does anyone post here who is from northern california?

I finally was able to get my kids and myself OUT of California, but I lived most of my life there. I grew up mostly in Silicon Valley (San Jose, Santa Clara) and my parents are still there. I moved to TX from Los Gatos in 2001. I went to college at both Sacramento State and UC Davis and used to own a house in Elk Grove (S. Sacramento).

21

Do you think a 7 and 9 year old kid should have a cell phone?

by Eyebrow2 in

jw
friends

okay...so many of you know that i have two stepdaughters....great kids, 7 and 9. currently they are living with us.

now, when they, or one of them is with their mom, it is like pulling teeth to get her to answer the phone or call back when we leave a message to talk to the girls.

there was one period of time that my husband went almost 10 months without getting to talk to his oldest daughter when she was with her mom.

beebee

Hey Crumpet - We've got walkie-talkies for that purpose. We use them in the neighborhood when the younger ones are out and about (10 yr olds). I only bought my TEEN daughters cell phones when their lives got so busy they were frequently out and there's a need to know where they are - issues like do they need to be picked up, when will they be home, etc. My 10 yr old doesn't go anywhere on his own (except around the neighborhood), where I am not taking him there and picking him up (like a friend's house, or hockey, etc.). So where is there a need for a phone?

I don't think I would make the girls call their mom. After all, she's the one with the tricky schedule and can certainly call them at will and the fact they don't spontaneously call her often may help her "get a clue" that they are little girls that are too busy doing kid stuff to remember to call.

I also agree with the poster who mentioned that the cell phones (or even phones in the bedroom) reduce your supervision capacity and that is SO important for their safety. You are right about the IM thing too. Since my kids have family out of state, they do have IM capabilities, but for the 10 year old, I decide who is on his buddy list and when it can be on, and he is supervised. You can install software to log chats and IMs btw. Truth is that he almost never uses it. I pay $20 a month for unlimited long distance on the landline so he'd much rather chat by phone.

I think a lot of the things people give younger kids, like cell phones, push them to be more grown up than a kid should be. It is too much responsibility, plus it sometimes creates problems with their peers who may be jealous "so and so has a cell phone." It's kind of like allowing them to dress like little teenagers, yes it's possible, but IMHO, not a good idea.

I HAVE teen girls, and pushing them to grow up to fast backfires in a big way! All 14 year olds THINK they know everything, but the girl that's been allowed to have all the big kid stuff early is often completely out of control as a teen. I've seen it. Mom spends all that energy playing "friend," enforcing few limits when they are young, and living vicariously through their young daughters ("I want her to be cool, popular, beautiful, have all the things I didn't, etc."), that when the hormones kick in, they have no respect for their parents and incur all sorts of problems.

Let them be kids. childhood is so darn short as it is.

52

How do you keep your kids busy....

by love11 in

jw
friends

when you have work to do around the house?

mine is driving me crazy today and i can't get anything done.

what do you do?

beebee

Love11, you should stop and play with your kids. Not only is it wonderful fun for you but those are the memories your kids will have forever. Never get too old to do that!

Some tricks that I've used (mine are now 9-18):

A new movie or the one old favorite you know will capitvate them (I hate sit down occupation, but somedays it's the best idea)

Anything they can create, be it a lego creation (you can find free patterns to use what you already own on their website) or a painting is good. You can find recipes for homemade playdoh and silly putty online. Make a batch, then let them go with it. The 9 nine year old is old enough to make it with supervision and measuring and stuff is good knowledge.

My mother's trick and one of my favorites - "If you come in the house, I'm going to give you a chore." She never warned us or said that phrase but looking back I can see it was a well-planned ploy. We just figured out at some point that every time we walked in the house, she gave us something to do so we learned to stay outside and play with our friends! It kept us outside even when our favorite tv show was on! As a mom, I figure this one's a win for ME either way.

Good chores for little ones

- sorting socks..you know that big bag in the back of the closet where you've thrown all the odd ones? You must have 50 matching pairs in there but someone has to sort them.

- organizing the Tupperware (not that you care if they are really organized)

- dusting, weeding, etc.

And speaking of the Vaseline incident - we had something similar happen; when my oldest was 2 1/2 and her little sis was crawling, she painted the baby's entire head with Desitin. she looked like the baby ghost on Casper, down to the curly cue on top! The best part, one of my black friends was at the house at the time, and I just looked and exclaimed "oh my g-d, I have a white baby!" He just smiled and said that if I had a preference for Chocolate, I should have come to him. Getting rid if the white was easy, getting rid of the fish oil smell took days. I still have great pictures.

42

Can you be "just friends" ?

by ScoobySnax in

ok this one is 2 fold..... tonight i was chatting to my ex on the internet and despite 5 years elapsing, he wants to go out for a beer.

he was a creep at the time we split, good looking and all the rest, but prone to violent outbursts and had this knack of making me think i didn't need any other friends (i gradually dropped them all) whilst all the time becoming more controlling........it messed up my head at the time.

(like a dumb twat i even gave him all my visa cards as he said he'd be better at managing "our" money) apparently he is now a changed person, and i am too, no longer as gullible as i once was.

beebee

Hey Scooby,

Unrelated folks can live together harmoniously but remember a mortgage is a contract, so you guys need to sit down and put into legally binding writing some points that will protect you both. For example, there should be a buyout clause allowing one of you to buy out the other, stating under what terms one of you may be forced to sell to the other (for example, what if one of you falls on hard times and the other has to cover the full mortgage for a length of time).

For example, I almost bought a house with a friend in 1984 (would have been a hell of an investment...California prime real estate..that $174K property then is worth close to a mil and a half now!) The deal fell through so we rented another house. I met my future ex-husband about a month after we moved into the new house and we were married in April of 1985. I certainly was not in a relationship when we contemplated the purchase, but lo and behold..... I shortly thereafter made one of the biggest mistakes of my life! LOL!

Other legal issues relate to the sharing of equity and whether or not there is a limited term to the joint contract. You also should consider that if one of you wants to move out, does the remaining partner have to buy you out; can you sell your interest to anther person and does your partner need to approve of that in advance; do you both have to sell if one of you wants out, etc. The sharing of costs for repairs, under what conditions is either of you allowed to refinance or borrow equity, etc.

Lastly you should both purchase term insurance (at least 20 year) that covers the balance of the mortgage (it would be nice if it covered the whole mortgage, even if that is a gift to your partner). Buy a real policy, not mortgage insurance. Mortgage life insurance usually costs more and decreases in value (only pays off the mortgage), whereas a real life policy pays cash to the beneficiary, who can then buy out your heirs for your half of the house, and then opt to either pay off the rest of the mortgage or use the cash for other things.

I suspect it wouldn't be tough to find examples of similar contracts or find a good lawyer who is experienced in drafting them.

And before you commit, take a really good look at your respective life styles. Are your preferences for tidiness, noise, clutter, pets and even furniture harmonious? Discuss the roommate rules, like what if one of you wants to move in a partner? (mutual boyfriends..giggling...)

As to straight gal/gay dude - I don't see why not. I hate having roommates but when I have, I've found guys to be much better roommates, and my guy friends say the same about women. I think it helps when you aren't on a competitive level, which guy/guy, girl/girl combos are to some extent.

Best of luck.

oops...forgot to add another legal issue - inheritance, what happens to your respective halves if one of you dies.

19

Girl Scout cookies

by Shawn in

sorry if this is an old topic.

is it true they can't buy girl scout cookies?

if so what is the theocratic wisdom behind that?

beebee

mmmmmm...... let's hear it for demon cookies!!!!

Yum!

35

Dating/relationships and ex-dubbyness

by devinsmom in

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ok, so i allways thought that dating someone who used to be a witless would be cool , since you would both kinda know what the other had been through in his/her life.

so my question is: how many of you date/have dated ex-witnesses, why or why not and does the relationship benifit from it...and just your ideas about it in general.. .

beebee

I started reading on these boards early on in my relationship with my ex-dubby (I've never been to dubdom). It has been an interesting ride; the first year was quite the roller coaster. Some of our problems that year had far more to do with him not being single long enough (now divorced). He was raised in the troof and shaking the "only date to find a spouse" was a hard one for him. He was comfortable with playing "dog" and having casual sex, but when it came down to having a relationship and not sweating whether or not it was headed for the alter was a tough one. There was no middle ground for him.

I still see some other traits, such as the need to please everyone including some who have treated him poorly. I think he still has days when he doesn't see himself as "good enough." We've also had some minor "subjugation" issues.

But there's some strong points to him that I also expect are a result of the dubdom life. He isn't afraid to have a conversation with a stranger and can quickly put almost anyone at ease. He is so far "out" he has learned to speak his mind and enjoys a good debate. I have also stated before on these boards that I think that the problem resolution skills he has brought into our relationship are a direct result of his having married "for life" and his recognition that they needed to work out their problems to be as happy as possible.

70

I NEED HELP

by Shawn in

here is my situation: i am in the sacramento area of california.

i have a good friend of mine that is a jw.

she has recently not been attending meeting and not reading her watchtower.

beebee

If you have as much faith in G-d as you say, then perhaps you need to be patient and not try so hard to solve this that you fail to give her and G-d a chance to work it out. Where is your faith that our Lord, Almighty can handle this problem him/herself?

She only JUST said she got excited about going to the Memorial and getting more active. If I read your original post correctly she is not yet a baptised witness. If this is true, than perhaps allowing her to share her excitement is the best way to maintain her trust and keep communications open. As she raises points, maybe you can suggest questions that help her figure out her own answers that conflict. You might also be able to help her find other things in her life that can help her truly feel happy.

But I'm with the other posters here who suggest that trying to force feed her another religion will only leave her in the dubs and you with no more friend. You need to keep YOUR need to get her away from what may be a dangerous group separate from what you "perceive" to be the answer to true happiness she should accept.

As a non-christian, I am actually personally offended by the pompous attitude that your version of how to have relationship with G-D is the only or best, or even a good way to establish that force in one's life. I also see your need to convert "share the good word" as a personal need for self-validation that you are actually correct.

Lighten up, slow down and be a non-judgemental and unconditionally accepting friend. Otherwise you present just as great a danger to her happiness as the Jehovah's Witness group.

70

Ok now i am getting the creeps

by kls in

jw
friends

i live in the country on a hill and i know in the country there are lots of birds but for 3 days now there have been a group of turkey buzzards flying over my house non stop.

as far as i know there is nothing dead in my yard but they constantly circle and circle around my house and getting close to the windows.

now i shower everyday so it can't be that i smell,,,,,,,,could it?.

beebee

Did you do the cooking this week????

10

my boyfriend

by Teanie in

.

hello all.. i'm the farthest this from a jehovah's witness, i'm atheist.

but my boyfriend is a jehovah?s witness and we have been dating for about a year, and i love him so much.

beebee

Read some of the threads of people who are not witnesses married to witnesses; it's a very tough road and one I suspect none of them would recommend going into. Dubdom for kids, I think most on this board would agree, is hell.

Your answers do not sound optimistic. He will HAVE to try to convert you both to maintain good standing with his active family and the congregation, AND because if he truly loves you, he believes he must because those that do not believe will be destroyed at Armageddon which they believe is coming any day now. If he loves you, he doesn't want you destroyed; it sounds logical until you realize how wrong it is.

You should also realize that in dubdom, the man is the supreme ruler of the household and that according to the group, your opinion doesn't count; even more true if you are not in the "troof."

It sounds like he is young and (man I hate it when I make sexist comments) and typically male. Right now he's tasting the worldly forbidden fruit and liking it, but given how little of his world he has even exposed to you it is pretty clear looking in from the outside at your relationship that he is not serious. (I say this based also on 45 years of watching people and relationships and some patterns are so easy to spot).

Remember that love isn't rational, and if you feel it, it is real and that he doesn't have to be a bad person to be the wrong one. If he is truly an active and dedicated dub, you are not wife material for him. He knows it, and what little interaction you've had with his mother is added proof. For him to love you would require him to turn away from everyone else he loves, and if he truly believes that they hold the "troof" then he is not going to walk away from that easily.

Don't let him convince you it isn't a cult; it is. A quick study on what defines a cult will point this out to you, but they are brainwashed to shut down completely when anyone challenges the doctrine. That's why it is so hard to pull someone out.

When you talk, you need to ask the painful questions; how serious is he about his religion? Where does he see his life going? and the really scary one, where does he see you fitting in?

At 20 he may or may not be ready to consider marriage, but he probably is old enough to know if he wants in or out of the dubs. (though this may change at some later date). Don't let him waffle on you. It is entirely possible he doesn't want to lose you either, but I will tell you that if you want more from him, or from anyone else, you will have to ask for it, and at times insist to get it. If you get something wishy-washy like "I want you and them too" or "I don't know," the most protective thing you can do for your own heart is to walk away and suggest that perhaps he should look you up when he knows what he wants.

As far as considering conversion, it is my opinion that no one should change religions to please another, but rather only because it is truly right for them; but in this case, this is no religion, it is a mind-controlling, domineering and abusive cult that will intrude upon and control every aspect of your life. If you convert, they will slowly encourage you to cut off everyone you know and love who isn't "in" and demand every available second of your time "to spread the word." They will promise you eternal life if you obey blindly, never question and do everything they do perfectly. Except that humans aren't perfect and thus you will perpetually be reminded of your failings.

I once posted on this site a list of warning signs that you might be in an abusive relationship that I pulled off the Oprah website (written by an expert); all but a few of the warning signs applied to the Jehovah's Witnesses.

I know it is so easy to say when you are an outsider looking in (to a relationship) and that it isn't my heart at risk, but as someone who has daughter's your age, I'd say throw this fishy back and find you one that is under his own control. You are far too young to commit your heart and possibly your life to someone who will always place you second (or lower) in his life.

I wish you well and heartache on nobody.