Posts by confuzzlediam

11

I may have a friend

by Defianttruth in

jw
friends

okay, i am almost forty and outside of my wife i haven't had a friend in decades.

sure i have tons of people with whom i am friendly towards, but they all share something to do with work or business.

i remember thinking last year i had no one who called just to talk.

confuzzlediam

This is awesome!! Everyone needs someone whom they can share things in common with. SO glad you found someone who shares a common interest with and can talk to!!

12

How many of us stayed in the organization longer than necessary for these other reasons?

by John Aquila in

After I was disfellowshipped, I made 4-5 attempts at getting reinstated over about 4 years. I did this because my now X still believed and wanted me to get reinstated so he would not have to go to family functions or cong. functions by himself. He grew up with a mom who was disfellowshipped and his dad was always alone at functions outside of the meetings. My X was angry with his mom for years because she put his dad through that and in turn he would get mad at me because he was going through the same thing.

I went on anti-depressants and meds for anxiety just to attend meetings. I always made it for about 3-4 months at a time, then would stop going for one reason or another. My last effort was two months before I left him. After I left, he ended up getting involved with a non-witness and is now living the same lifestyle that I am, only not DF'd as of yet. He just stopped going to meetings. I begged him for almost 4 years to stop going and make new friends with me. He wasn't regular anyways. But it took me leaving his ass for him to see things in a different light.

Oh well...

28

The JW Family

by dubstepped in

jw
friends

maybe this is a bit obtuse, but see if you can follow me here and maybe throw in your own views.

as i see it, the organization as a whole is a family, and like most, it is dysfunctional.

you have the parents in those taking the lead (gb, elders, overseers, etc.

confuzzlediam

Dubstepped...I giggled out loud when I read your comment about "residue" sounding dirty!! LOL Guess it kind of does! But maybe in a way we have been "dirtied" by being a witness. A certain amount of grime that doesn't come off no matter how we try to get rid of it. It is SO easy to be filled with hatred when it comes to many of our experiences in the org. I know this first hand. While I haven't completely forgotten how I was treated by the elders when I was wrongfully disfellowshipped, I try really hard to understand that they were only doing what they had been taught to do. Doesn't make them bad people in general, just ones that are caught up in the glory of their positions and feeling like they could read my heart. All in all, it really was a blessing in disguise. If I had not been df'd, I probably would still be a witness, I would not have gone back to school after divorcing my husband and my kids would still be in. So, maybe I should be thanking those elders for setting me and my family free from the cult that has such a strong hold on its followers. It's ok...I'd rather be stuck outside the cult, than inside!!

28

The JW Family

by dubstepped in

jw
friends

maybe this is a bit obtuse, but see if you can follow me here and maybe throw in your own views.

as i see it, the organization as a whole is a family, and like most, it is dysfunctional.

you have the parents in those taking the lead (gb, elders, overseers, etc.

confuzzlediam

Dubstepped... I do agree with you in your thought process. What I loved most was your analogy of being a Smith. Even though I have been DF'd for over 5 years, and I don't call myself a witness, I don't know if I will ever NOT have some sort of witness in me. I am 44 and was raised JW. I am liberal in my political views, but not sure if I could ever vote. I LOVE Halloween, but not sure if I could ever celebrate it. I celebrate birthdays in my own way, but have never bought a birthday cake. Not that I view any of those things as "wrong" anymore, just don't know how to celebrate the holidays after not doing it for the first 39 years of my life. It is hard for me to believe in the trinity, in heaven, in Jesus being put to death on anything other than a torture stake. But I am open to the possibility of there being something else to believe in. I like the idea of there being a heaven, of my grandparents, uncles, cousins, friends watching over me from above. I have even been to a psychic medium who certainly made me believe that she had connected with my loved ones. Yet, I have a hard time believing it in completely, based on what I had drilled into my head growing up, that it was just the demons pretending to be that person.

One thing that I would add to your analogy of the WT being like helicopter parents, is the thought of being micro-managed. I was micro-managed by my parents, the WTS and by my husband of 25 years. I felt like I could never do anything on my own, that I would fail at anything I tried because of being micro-managed for so many years. I am now with a man who loves me for who I am and doesn't micro-manage me in any way shape or form and is a breath of fresh air.

I am at a point in my life where I am not sure what I believe in, maybe because I don't have anyone in my life telling me what I should believe. I know that I don't want to be part of any organized religion, but not sure if I believe that God really exists. Certainly not that God that I was raised to believe in. The power of prayer seems like a joke to me as no matter how hard a person or a group of people pray for someone, if the person survives, it was because of the power of prayer. If the person does not survive, then it was their time to go, God wanted them in heaven. Have a real issue with that.

Here I am in a place of limbo. Not a witness, but still have witness residue that I am not sure will ever go away. Hence your description of being a Smith. Thank you for sharing your thoughts....

29

"So you are an atheist. So would you kill me if it were to your advantage?"

by OnTheWayOut in

jw
friends

i worked a different shift.

i knew the people i worked with, but not as well as i could have.. anyway, religion comes up.

one guy mentions in front of another that i wrote a book about my religious experience.

confuzzlediam

When I was first df'd, my now x told me he was afraid that I was going to cheat on him (in so many words) now that I had decided I didn't believe in "the truth" anymore. He said that if I didn't believe in God or what the bible has to say, what would hold me back from doing something like that. I gave him an example of an atheist and what holds them back from committing murder, stealing, committing adultery. I said that just because someone does not believe in God or the bible, doesn't mean that they don't have their own set of morals to go on and don't know right from wrong. Besides, there are MANY christians who commit violent crimes in the name of God or the bible. It actually made him think...

71

A big hello and thank you

by iwasblind in

i just wanted to introduce myself and say a big hello to all of my mentally diseased friends.. i say friends because i have been lurking for some time so it feels like home (us lurkers are a bit scared and cautious so it takes a while).

i won't bore you with too many details, but i am a born in, currently serving as the cobe of a congregation.

my wife and i have pioneered for the last 10 years and were shaken awake by that ridiculous 15th july 2013 wt about the generation and 1914.. my wife who is much smarter than me has questioned for years.

confuzzlediam

Welcome to our group!! I really don't have any words of wisdom to share with you, other than to say welcome and SO glad to have you here!! I have been df'd for a little over 5 years and while I was trying to get reinstated, for family reasons, I too was shaken over the new changes. Mine was the WT that mentioned those of the anointed who remained here on earth when armageddon came would be taken up into heaven...aka the rapture. I remember leaving the hall that day with a headache and my mind swimming, but also with a greater understanding that this is NOT "the truth". As soon as I left the hall I called my now x to tell him what I had just heard and that I was reeling from it all. Up to that point I had doubts, but after that point I knew I never wanted to be part of it again.

Again, welcome to the forum!!

1

My Son is 21 Today!

by yodastar in

well what a great day!

to see my son reach 21 and be a well rounded man free of guilt and fear by not being raised in a cult (well from 5 yrs on) is amazing.

to able to ring your child and wish him happy birthday and congratulate him is a fantastic thing for any parent.

confuzzlediam

How fun!! My daughter turned 21 last month. I feel the same way about her...she is an amazingly beautiful young woman and I am so proud of who she is becoming. She graduated in March with an Associate's Degree and is going to the local university this fall for her Bachelor's Degree. My x-sil and I took my daughter out for drinks a couple of days after her birthday and had a blast!! She too is free of the guilt that I grew up with and I couldn't be more happy for her!

Cheers!!

35

New on here

by Tony Stark in

hey so i'm new on here.

just wanted to introduce myself.

in my 20's and was rasied one, and very popular among the jw community.

confuzzlediam

Welcome to the group Tony!! I have been df'd for 5 years. Not my choosing at the time (long story). I tried to go back several times to get reinstated, but could never go long enough to even turn in a letter. I tried to go back because my now x was still in and his family would not include me in any of their family activities. SO I would go for 2-3 months at a time and would start to get anxiety ridden at the thought of having to meet with the elders. I stopped believing and was only going back for my x's family. My anxiety built because I could not bare to sit in front of elders who wrongfully disfellowshipped me and tell them that I loved Jah and wanted to come back to the org. I knew in my heart that I would have to lie and could not bring myself to do it.

It was difficult adjusting to life outside of the org. I found a GREAT group of friends who helped in the transition. I filed for divorce almost a year ago and have narrowed my social group down even further, since we were pretty close with my x's family and friends.

I started classes at our local community college last fall and am loving every minute of it. Well, except for this week, cuz I am cramming for finals that are due next week!! But I am meeting new people and have even formed new friendships through school.

As far as going back to meetings to get reinstated, you need to do what is best for you. Personally, I am glad that I never went back long enough to get reinstated. I am free to live life as I want now and it is awesome!! Good luck to you!! Hope to see more from you in the future!

14

Secret disfellowshipping

by disillusioned 2 in

i always thought it was ridiculous that when a person was disfellowshipped they didn't tell us why.

everybody would speculate, but we wouldn't know the real reason.

also i thought they were only supposed to be disfellowshipped if they weren't repentant and wouldn't stop doing the wrong thing.

confuzzlediam

Stuckinarut2 "What if they just didn't know that person properly, or didn't like or understand them?"

This was EXACTLY the case with my experience. The two elders who "interviewed" us were not in our cong. One was from the cong that shared our hall, the other was a sub CO who lived 2 1/2 hours away. The 3rd elder did know me. I aux. pioneered with him and his wife just a couple of years prior to this happening. Point is, these elder's didn't know anything about my past. They were all younger than me and had no clue who I was.

When an old friend of my dad's, who was an elder in our cong at the time, called me to find out what was going on, he told me that he wished he would have been on my committee because he knew me and knew that I was not the person these other elders were making me out to be.