Posts by NOdenial

I have to say that I agonized over this issue of accountability during the time that my eyes were being opened. I was a Ministerial Servant for 9 years. During that time, I would shepherd my book study group and would drop in for visits on those that weren't meeting the 'congregation average' hours. I was SO arrogant and naive! Let me tell you about one of my so-called 'encouraging shepherding' visits:

A married couple in their thirties with two children weren't making all the meetings and were irregular in the ministry (let's call them Brother and Sister "A"). So, I dropped in to encourage them. During that 2 hour visit, here is what I learned about their lives:

· They had just built their first house together, and were in the middle of moving in and getting settled. City hall was giving them problems with zoning rules (they had to tie in an old house to their new structure in order to comply with zoning rules. weird!)

· their mother was horribly ill and they had to have her live with them as well

· Sister A's brother was an extremely suicidal drug addict and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn?t get him the help he needed. (this weighed very heavily on her since she was the only one in her immediate family that was healthy enough to help him)

· Brother A coped with the stress in the family by drowning himself in his job. He went out of his way to stay at work.

· The children were beginning to 'act out' in school. Grades were suffering. No doubt this was in part due to the family stress at home.

And here I come... walking up their driveway... asking why they aren't out in the ministry and at all the meetings. After she and her husband tearfully told me all their challenges. Guess how I consoled them! You guessed it... "Throw your burdens on Jehovah!" ... "Exert yourselves vigorously!"...

I actually told them that if their problems would diminish if they would busy themselves in the ministry and meeting attendance. (I sit here in shame to this day. This event happened over 10 years ago) I was SUCH (!!!) an idiot! Wow!!!

It was only 2 or 3 years later, and MY 15 year marriage fell apart and I had to deal with many of the same issues they were facing at that time. At first, I tried to apply my own advice. In the eyes of all onlookers, I was displaying the most classic case of denial. My wife would be at home drunk out of her skull, my children would be getting into fights at school, my youngest son (4 years old) was pulling chunks of hair out of his head. But - I 'threw my burdens on Jehovah' - and went to all the meetings, kept up my ministry, etc etc. When the entire congregation decided to turn on me - I realized how incredibly stupid such a strategy was. Long story short: We divorced. My wife was disfellowshipped and shortly after that, I was wrongly disfellowshipped (that's a longer story) as my family became a spectacle of dysfunction in our community. (... sigh...)

I was sitting there one day crying my story to a clinical counselor; telling him about how shameful it was for me to have this family that I called dysfunctional. He looked at me very puzzled and asked me why I called it 'dysfunctional'! He said EVERY family has problems. You just have some really BIG problems that you have to deal with. It would only be 'dysfunctional' if you didn't DEAL with the issues in your family. That... would be 'denial'. (Can you see the light bulb come on over my head as he said that??! LOL)

So... back to Brother and Sister "A".

As I sat there in the rubble of what used to be my family, I pondered the discussion I had with them - and realized how utterly INSANE my comments to them were. If there was ONE thing that I learned from my experience... it was that if you have a problem... you DEAL with it!

I knew then that I had some accountability that I had to face. I went over to Brother and Sister A's home... and shamefully expressed my regret over that conversation and advice that I gave them several years earlier. What I found fascinating was the grace with which they accepted my apology. They smiled and said that they KNEW that I ... just ...didn't ... understand!!

In hindsight, I think they were actually rejoicing that I was starting to see how messed up the JW message really is. It was the beginning of my enlightenment. Further, their Christian display of forgiveness (remember, I was still DF'd when I was apologizing to them) set a valuable lesson for me to stop judging others like we were taught to. I got reinstated, and stopped going to meetings shortly after that. I faded.

Brother and Sister A never go to meetings any more.

The Society taught me to be an idiot. But "I" chose to be one. It is up to me to seek forgiveness from those that I sinned against.

7

The Subtle Power Of Spiritual Abuse

by codeblue in

anyone here read that book?

i borrowed it from my neighbor last week (not a jw).

there seemed to be a quote in it that she thought applied to both of my jw sisters throwing their conscience on me and judging my spirituality.. i am half way thru this book and find it excellent.

NOdenial

I haven't read it, but my wife has been reading to me some very interesting things, sounds like exjw's wrote this........amazing!

9

Question: I need some info about reproof

by New Castles in

.

when someone is publicly reproved, what are their limitations in regards to family and friends?

?.

NOdenial

As a person that has been publicly reproved twice... I believe that it is a conscience matter that is left with the public. They are to associate with you with caution. They are to try and encourage you as one that is weak.

A person that is Publicly Reproved is not usually shunned - although I have seen individuals shun you anyways.

(sigh)... I HATE those games!

NO.... denial!

22

OMG, the stink,,,,,,

by kls in

jw
friends

last-night i am getting ready to go to bed when i hear my hubby holler ( " omg they stink) i go running out to the living room and yep ,both dogs got sprayed full blast right in the face by a skunk.

the stench was making me gag .

one dog runs in my bedroom and is rubbing her face all over my bed to get the stinging to stop .

NOdenial

I have experience with removing skunk odors from structures.

If you have this kind of problem - the only solution that I found REALLY works is the following:

1 quart 3% hydrogen peroxide (available from the drug store), 1/2 cup of baking soda, a couple of drops of liquid dish detergent.

I don't think there is anything here that would hurt your dog's skin if left on for a few minutes. Don't get it in their eyes though.

Sucks for the dogs!

NO....denial!

229

And upon her forehead was written a name, a mystery:

by myelaine in

rev.

verse 18 .

and the woman whom you saw means the great city that has a kingdom over the kings of the earth.

NOdenial

jgnat...

Doesn't this sucks for those of us that are Canadians? It sure is hard to hold our head up when fellow Canadians clog up a perfectly good discussion with meaningless dribble.

sigh....

NO... denial

36

Inventors?

by Markfromcali in

jw
friends

just curious, has anyone out there invented anything?

even if it's a small thing, tell us about it.

NOdenial

Joe Bloggs...

You are probably right - all things being considered. Patent it first, then market it. Unfortunately, the amount of money it costs to go through the exercise is prohibitive.

I worded my comments poorly. I meant to say if "I" was going to do this all over again, "I" would market "MY" invention first and flood the market. (my invention was of interest to a market base of about 10,000 companies. that isn't a very large market.

That being said... you may wish to examine your market base before spending the money on any inventions.

Good comment Joe.

NO...denial

38

My son bought a Motorcycle and i am so scared.

by kls in

jw
friends

not just any motorcycle but a crouch rocket and it is making sick to my stomach and i am so scared.

he called so many insurance agency's and most won't even insure him because of the kind of bike it is.

i hear so many people killed on bikes and it terrifies me .

NOdenial

As a parent... I too would be worried.

I am a Harley rider of many years. I have seen what you fear. I endorse good riding training... but let's face it: Young people have little fear and that frequently leads to disaster.

With this in mind, I would insist that my child view some pictures of some horrific disasters involving motorcycles. (I will not post this link on this thread. It's too graphic. I will send the link to anyone that privately messages me). I would intentionally strike the fear of god in him with these pictures. This is the only thing that I can think of that would work - at least on my kids! (which I did - and it had the effect that I wished. Their unbridled enthusiasm changed to serious respect for the vehicle. They slowed right down.)

I will say this though: DON'T (I mean this!!) ... DON'T look at the pictures yourself. For obvious reasons, you will have worse fears than you have now. It's hard to view.

This idea may not be appropriate for your child, nor the way you wish to communicate with him. I respect that. I will leave this to your discretion.

take care.

NO...denial.

36

Inventors?

by Markfromcali in

jw
friends

just curious, has anyone out there invented anything?

even if it's a small thing, tell us about it.

NOdenial

I invented and patented a system for drying out wall cavities and sheetrock that has been damaged through a water intrusion.

The patenting process cost about 10 grand US funds. However, that is just the beginning of trying to make money with a unique idea. Now you have to have a marketing plan and more money to let the world know what you made! I didn't have the marketing money so it sat on a shelf.

That was 6 years ago.

I'm still waiting for that million dollars to come in. LOL

What really amazes me is that all the competition needs to do is change your idea 10%... and now your patent is no longer defendable. That sucks!~! What I would do next time is just make the goddam machine, and spend the 10 grand marketing the idea to the world. Flood the market with your product and make some $$$. Patent it later! You will always have intellectual rights cuz you were the first person with the system.

But that is just my thoughts.

NO...denial.

19

When my daughter was 10 years old...

by NOdenial in

my 22 year old, married daughter came by to visit this weekend.

she was baptised 12 years ago - when she was only 10 years old.

... as a parent... what was i thinking back then?!

NOdenial

blondie...

Do you know of any attorneys or legal action in Canada that would be interested in hearing about something like this?