Thank you all for your input...I was unsure as to whether this was a "typical" JW response, or if the family that I am dealing with is just particularly insensitive. We laid the child to rest this past weekend, and her mother has managed to "ward off" the JW family members who have tried to prey on her emotions. She has seen how they treated her (df) former jw mother and other family members, and basically told them that if they loved her and/or her child, they would have been around in good times as well as bad. I am so proud that she was able to keep her head while in such an emotional state. What an eye-opening, anger provoking experience this has been.
wtphobic
JoinedPosts by wtphobic
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11
Death of a child
by wtphobic inwhat kind of person tells his non jw granddaughter that the death of her infant son is a "sign of the times"?
i don't know his staus in the org, but i know that "the pressure" is now on to convince her of the error of her ways- even been suggested that had she been a jw- this might not happen....unbelieveable- please- help me understand the twisted jw stand on death and dying and grieving
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11
Death of a child
by wtphobic inwhat kind of person tells his non jw granddaughter that the death of her infant son is a "sign of the times"?
i don't know his staus in the org, but i know that "the pressure" is now on to convince her of the error of her ways- even been suggested that had she been a jw- this might not happen....unbelieveable- please- help me understand the twisted jw stand on death and dying and grieving
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wtphobic
What kind of person tells his non JW granddaughter that the death of her infant son is a "sign of the times"? I don't know his staus in the org, but I know that "the pressure" is now on to convince her of the error of her ways- Even been suggested that had she been a JW- this might not happen....Unbelieveable- Please- help me understand the twisted JW stand on death and dying and grieving
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Lawyers familiar with JW issues and custody
by wtphobic inalthough we are not ready yet, my fiancee and i are planning to go back to court for additional visitation and rights of his daughter.
she is living with his jw ex, her new jw husband ( who is a complete idiot), and other children.
in addition to the fact that their household just seems to be chaotic, she (an 8 yr old) is required to care for the younger children (one toddler and one infant) b/c mom needs to nap, has a headache etc, her older 1/2 brother who is around 12-13 does not go to school b/c mom needs help with the babies.
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wtphobic
You are both right- it is not the kid's fault- I was simply trying to get across the mindset of these parents. They tend to view their kids as property, and continue to have more even though they do not have the resources or apparently the desire to care for them ( as demonstrated by her willingness to keep kids home to do her job of childcare.) ( We are talking about 7 kids total between them- all under the age of 13) (What a wonderfully raised JW wife, who has had three husbands, children with all three, committed adultery on one, and left a wake of destruction in her path)
My apologies.
BTW- I don't claim to be an expert, only sensitive to the fact that asking questions and trying to create a situation is just as detrimental to a child as if it were actually occuring.
Thanks for the info
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Lawyers familiar with JW issues and custody
by wtphobic inalthough we are not ready yet, my fiancee and i are planning to go back to court for additional visitation and rights of his daughter.
she is living with his jw ex, her new jw husband ( who is a complete idiot), and other children.
in addition to the fact that their household just seems to be chaotic, she (an 8 yr old) is required to care for the younger children (one toddler and one infant) b/c mom needs to nap, has a headache etc, her older 1/2 brother who is around 12-13 does not go to school b/c mom needs help with the babies.
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wtphobic
Although we are not ready yet, my fiancee and I are planning to go back to court for additional visitation and rights of his daughter. She is living with his JW ex, her new JW husband ( who is a complete idiot), and other children. In addition to the fact that their household just seems to be chaotic, she (an 8 yr old) is required to care for the younger children (one toddler and one infant) b/c mom needs to nap, has a headache etc, her older 1/2 brother who is around 12-13 does not go to school b/c mom needs help with the babies.
Her step dad sends her to her room, and berates for even mentioning her father. She has also told me that she "doesn't know her mom", and is often sick when she has to go home, b/c she says mom will be mad b/c she had a good time at our house.
Mind you, I know that she is bright, and can be manipulative, but I have experience in the area of questioning and counseling, and I am careful not to plant any ideas in her head, while maintaining open communicaion with her.
Also, I am not totally familiar with the silent lambs and the sexual abuse issues with JW's, but I am researching. I have worked in law-enforcement, as well as social services, and have a feel for when things aren't quite "right". Although I am not convinced that there has been any abuse in this area, I think that the potntial is there. Even if it isn't occuring, the emotional and verbal abuse that goes on is unacceptable.
The bottom line is, I am wondering if anyoneknows of lawyers in Denver, and /or anywhere in Colorado that are familiar with these issues. I know that once we make the decision to go ahead with this, we will be up against the whole kingdumb hall, and all of their resources, and I would; like to be as prepared as possible.
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How Do I Help?
by desib77 ini have a friend who had her mother pass away this week.
the horrible thing is that her father passed away a couple weeks prior to her mother and her aunt also passed away last month.
i feel horrible for her.
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wtphobic
You have received some great advice- the most important being, "just be there". The last thing she needs is for someone to say. "Call me if I can do anything". How many of us will do that? We don't want to inconvenience our friends and neighbors. Let her talk when she is ready and be a friend.
You are an asset to her and her grieving process.
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I am marrying a df JW-
by wtphobic ini will be marrying a df jw in just 2 months.
it is now really bothering him that his parents won't come to the wedding.
omg- not only is he df, but it's being held in a church!!!
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wtphobic
I agree- I don't plan to push....However I refuse to let him dwell solely on the past, and forget about his responsibilites/opportunities in the present. I have always said that it would be very hard to suddenly be pushed from everything you believe to be normal, and be dealing with the idea that your friends, family, eeryone that you were surrounded with had led you down a path to nowhere. I also can't imagine the frustration in trying to convince your friends and family that what they believe is bogus. In addition, I can't imagine anyone not being given the right to alter their beliefs from what they have been taught, and not have the 'right" in their eyes to simply be different.
Speaking of opportunities...I am amzed at how JW kids (or at least those I know) are discouraged from dreaming/planning for their future. My future step daughter is passionate about becoming a veterinarian. Since I work in education, I have told her that we will do anything we can to make her dream come true, and tell her she can be anything she wants to be. I was dumbfounded when her grandmother confronted my fiancee, and wanted to know "what this business about college" was. She assured him that his daughter would forget about college soon enough.....Amazing...Who are we to determine which of our gifts/talents/abilites God wants us to use? Go figure....
I mentioned this web site to him- I'm not sure that right now is the right time. We are both under alot of stress with wedding plans, financial issues, and just plain life. When you add to that the JW issues, it can be exhausting.
You should all be commending for seeking out and creating a forum where you have support, as well as an outlet for your ideas and beliefs.
Again, thank you for the reminder that others have gotten through this, and there is happiness waiting on the other side.
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22
I am marrying a df JW-
by wtphobic ini will be marrying a df jw in just 2 months.
it is now really bothering him that his parents won't come to the wedding.
omg- not only is he df, but it's being held in a church!!!
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wtphobic
Thanks for the support!! I have no delusions about changing his family. In fact, I had a conversation with his mother this weekend where she was concerned that I might be uncomfortable if she came to my bridal shower ( to be held at the church), and didn't come to the wedding (since her df son would be there). I very nicely told her that that was a decision that she was making, and that she was more concerned about being uncomfortable herself. She seemed to want me to say that it's OK, and that I understand if she won't come. It really frustrates them when you put the situation on them and tell them that they are responsible for how they are reacting to the situation.
My biggest frustration is that his parents DEMAND that you respect their views, bu t have no tolerance for anyone else's beliefs.
I will try to get him to read these messages. He has read crisis of conscience, as well as other "apostate" literature. However, I can understand that he gets frustrated when he is bombarded with information that goes against what he was raised to believe was right. He often says, that "I think that SOME of their teachings make sense". I have tried to show him that those things that he can get behind are probably common to other mainstream beliefs. I think he knows in his heart that the teachings are bogus, but we all know it can be hard to get your heart and head on the same page.
Thanks again for letting me vent. Hope to talk to you all again soon!!
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I am marrying a df JW-
by wtphobic ini will be marrying a df jw in just 2 months.
it is now really bothering him that his parents won't come to the wedding.
omg- not only is he df, but it's being held in a church!!!
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wtphobic
I will be marrying a df JW in just 2 months. It is now really bothering him that his parents won't come to the wedding. OMG- not only is he df, but it's being held in a CHURCH!!! He keeps saying that "after the wedding" he will be able to finally tell his parents that there is no way he is intrested in going back. I try to help him see that they don't care about his feelings, and he doesn't need to try to spare theirs by not being honest. Any ideas or suggestions on what it will finally take for him to "break it off" ?
You probably should know that his wonderful 8 yr old daughter is still involved in the WT- as his evil ex wife is "active" (amazing how she was caught in adultery, but since she denied it, there were no repercussions), and his dad is an elder.
It seems to me that the WT is more like a pyramid scheme than a religion. The more time you put in and people you "recruit", the more prestige you receive. This community has a lack of real opportunity, so I think that the stronghold that the jw have here is due to this attention and prestige that people receive.
My fiancee had truly never experienced unconditional love until he became a part of my life and my family- how sad....
I guess that I am venting, and thought you would be symapthetic ears.
If anyone can help me help him to get over the anger that he still feels (it has been 6 years), and put his energy into living our new life. I am open to all suggestions.