Posts by dubstepped

29

To DA or not to DA, that is the question?

by dubstepped in

let me preface this by saying that i don't expect anyone here to make my decision for me.

i do however note that like the bible says, in the multitude of counselors there is wisdom, and this is a huge decision, so i wanted to put it out there for discussion.

i really appreciate your words of wisdom, as this affects not just me but my wife also, as we find ourselves in the same boat.

dubstepped

Thanks everybody so far. You've given me a lot to think about. Seems that fading is the option of choice for most. I think there's something inside me that wants to be heard, that wants to put a bow on all of this, and to control it from my end. Waiting for possible action by the congregation or having to hide certain associates or celebrating a birthday, or knowing that if we took blood we would be DA anyway makes me just want to put a bullet in it and get it over with. I can see the possibility of being free anyway as things are, but I guess they occupy space in my mind that I'm not quite sure how to let go of just yet. I'm a bit OCD about some things and this one is hard to let go of.

19

"God by the Neck" short film

by wolfman85 in

forum
links

now you can see the full short movie online.

storyline: its sunday, and pablo, 8 years old, has an invitation to a very special but also forbidden birthday party.

its sunday, and for the first time, pablo is going on a door-to-door preaching with his mother.

dubstepped

Wow, watched it with my wife. Very powerful, thinking about how kids at affected. It was very well done. I loved how small the kid looks when the doors open, as it shows how intimidating that aspect must be for them. I remember going through much of that as a kid, but haven't really revisited it as an adult and looked at it anew. Thanks for posting it.

29

To DA or not to DA, that is the question?

by dubstepped in

let me preface this by saying that i don't expect anyone here to make my decision for me.

i do however note that like the bible says, in the multitude of counselors there is wisdom, and this is a huge decision, so i wanted to put it out there for discussion.

i really appreciate your words of wisdom, as this affects not just me but my wife also, as we find ourselves in the same boat.

dubstepped

Let me preface this by saying that I don't expect anyone here to make my decision for me. I do however note that like the Bible says, in the multitude of counselors there is wisdom, and this is a huge decision, so I wanted to put it out there for discussion. I really appreciate your words of wisdom, as this affects not just me but my wife also, as we find ourselves in the same boat. We're blessed to have opened our eyes at nearly the same time, me first, and her not too far thereafter.

I'll just post some highlights below of our situation for your consideration. I'm certainly willing to answer any questions that you may have.

Reasons FOR DA:

I honestly can't say that I'm a JW anymore. I don't identify with them and instead of being proud of the label, it brings me some measure of shame due to the lack of love in the organization in favor of rules. Too many people have been and are hurt.
As I can't claim the name anymore, I'm also not doing the witnessing work. Why would I invite people to come get immersed in something that I can no longer support myself?
Every time I hear a car door or get a phone call I am worried that it is an elder wanting to talk to me. Granted, that concern is presently unfounded (see AGAINST list below).
Every time we go to a store we are worried that we're going to run into a brother or sister and have to have awkward conversations and pretend to be something we're not.
I had no real friends in the organization anyway. I've faded and nobody ever reached out to me. Their love knows no bounds, except for the four walls of the Kingdom Hall, of course.
My family, and my wife's family, has both shunned us anyway at this point. So we have no real ties anymore to anyone in the organization.
I have no plans of ever going back and neither does my wife. You can't un-ring a bell. After opening our eyes, we cannot close them again. We can't shrink our perspective back to the narrow minded box that it once was kept within.
DA'ing would feel like we're truly free. I love Ray Franz's book "In Search Of Christian Freedom". I'm still a believer. I still love Jehovah. I just don't want all of how that goes down to be dictated to me anymore. My wife and I want to be free to exercise our own consciences as respects certain things. I have a DA'ed friend that reached out to me years ago that I want to associate with freely. We want to be free to take a blood transfusion as we do not agree with the doctrine in good conscience. And birthdays, come on, how absurd is the ban on that? We don't want to abandon everything, but we want the freedom to no longer live with our consciences dictated to us.

Reasons AGAINST DA:

We currently have a successful fade going on. It's been over the course of years, but at least a year now completely free. Only one sister ever reaches out at all. No elders have ever called and nobody cares. We've effectively disappeared. We haven't even gotten a "Return To Jehovah" brochure from anyone. No family, friends, elders, or anyone else.
I feel that DA'ing puts up a wall, another barrier that prevents family from waking up and reaching out to us. As of now, they could more easily reason that they could talk to us. If we DA they really face a whole other level of difficulty in reaching out. Let it be known though for reasons of transparency that none of them ever reached out to us anyway. Our families were both quite dysfunctional and we were never close. I've always held out hope that someday we could be (eternal optimist) while my wife just gave up hope. We did have some measure of relationships with them, but 99% of the time it was because we initiated the contact.
Although I don't see us ever going back, I'm not arrogant enough to say that it could never happen. Heck, I never thought I'd be here where I am today. I've made massive changes in my life over the years in many ways, as has my wife. So, just in case I should ever change my mind or the organization should do an about face on many things that I currently can't get with, I don't want that added layer of trouble to go through to ever be reinstated. Why subject myself to that possibility unnecessarily?
My guess is that when announced at the Hall we'll just "no longer be Jehovah's Witnesses" in a typical announcement that doesn't show that we made this choice. This isn't like they disfellowshipped us, and to me that matters. I want it known that it was our choice entirely to leave. I don't want people to think that we did something morally wrong or to look down on us any more than they will already. Having people shun us currently sucks, but amping that up a level seems like it would suck more.
Freedom always comes with a price. Being free to do some things and associate freely with some people also puts 8 million or so out of bounds for us aside from our family who has already shunned us.

I'll chime in if I think of anything else. If I had to break it down simply, we want to DA to be free of an organization that hangs over our head in all things. However, we know that comes with a price, some of which we've already paid, but an uncertain price as well.

Thanks for your time and attention. I may not agree with everything here or everyone, but it sure is beautiful that we all get to have the freedom to be who we are.

5

Example of Jehovah's Witness hare speech!

by username in

i have just been looking to see if there is a post on the guardian newspaper report on here but couldn't find, if there is please move this if you so wish mods.

anyway i have just had a look over at one of the pro jw sites and found this comment.

this comment is due to the many comments that have been generated under the guardian report.. as usual, avoid the comments.

dubstepped

Ha-ha, I know where you got that. Saw it yesterday. They're probably out in service this morning picking out which people will be killed so they can have their house in the new system.

By the way, while you're there, check out the thread on a 50's themed party in their off topic board. It is magical. Apparently costume parties where one dresses as the opposite sex turns men into homosexuals and those that hide their identity in costumes are sexual predators. Those people are delusional. Enjoy.

14

I Was Told That The Elders Have Not Gone After Me Because They Hope I Will Return!

by minimus in

the elders told my mom they obviously could have come after me but are holding hope that i will return to jehovah and be reunited to the congregation.. isnt that nice?.

dubstepped

Just out of curiosity, why were they talking about you? Was she trying to get them to go after you to punish you? I ask because I have parents like that. Or was she just upset about your status and they were comforting her? Hopefully it is closer to the latter. If the former, my heart goes out to you.

21

JWs With A Financial Interest In The Org

by JW_Rogue in

through personal experiences which i'd rather not relate because it would give away my identity i have come to a realization.

many brothers own businesses that a greatly supported by witness activities.

when local congregations need some service they will prefer to do business with a jw.

dubstepped

purrpurr: I also know on a smaller scale that there is an expectation in the Cong that if you are a small company you should be giving goods/ services either at a big discount or for free!

I know a former brother (DF'ed) whose business revolved around many of the brothers and sisters. They took advantage of him and really put him in bad positions time and time again. Of course, he bears some responsibility for allowing that, but it was really sickening. Myself, I have a business, and I would always avoid working for brothers and sisters. On the off chance that I did, they were told straight up front that this is purely business and they'll pay the same as anyone else. I never really had problems because I put up strict boundaries from the first minute of our interactions, but I know many that have been ripped off in doing business within the brotherhood. There's an unwritten expectation that you're going to take care of them and look out for them in a way that you wouldn't for anyone else.

I not only wouldn't work for them if possible, but I also refused to ever hire brothers for anything that I needed done. I'd always go find a "worldly" company. Made some mistakes when I was younger with hiring brothers to do this or that, and it never went well.

3

Isn't that what they use to deter people from escaping prison?

by dubstepped in

jw
friends

the title is what a person today told me as i was explaining the changes i've seen and made in fading from the watchtower.

he got a smile on his face and asked that question about watch towers being manned with men in guns to prevent people from escaping prison.

man, i never thought about it like that, but he nailed it with such a simple observation.

dubstepped

The title is what a person today told me as I was explaining the changes I've seen and made in fading from the Watchtower. He got a smile on his face and asked that question about watch towers being manned with men in guns to prevent people from escaping prison. Man, I never thought about it like that, but he nailed it with such a simple observation.

58

My introduction and confession

by elderINewton in

jw
friends

well another big bad elder here just wanting to say sorry.. i'm sorry that so many were treated like crap, and shown that god's love is not to be found around jehovah's witnesses.

i'm sorry that inadvertently i've likely taught many to judge and as such see that racism permeates every corner of the jw world, else why else would someone be of the world, or even inactive.

i'm sorry i sat in on a jc, and voted to df.

dubstepped

Awesome OP! Best wishes on your new journey! And don't sweat the past. You did what you thought you should do under extreme pressure, but at least you tried to help where you could.

33

How Many JWs actually Watch JW.TV?

by Oubliette in

i'm curious.

what do you know from your own experience and talking to other active jws?

i know from my own informal, non-scientific survey that most jws do not watch jw.tv.

dubstepped

Not only do they watch it, but previously tech illiterate people now have media players on TVs so they can watch it. Watching people buy Roku boxes not understanding that one must have internet connectivity was funny. You mean the box alone doesn't deliver them right to my TV? I bet Roku's stock crushed it for a while.

10

Something that my devout JDUB cousin said...

by yogosans14 in

jw
friends

we used to be so close before she got heavily involved in the jw religion.

she actually got me into it (i actually believed all the nonsense) and i went to meetings with her and everything, we were like brother and sister.

she lives in texas now in a remote area where their is no cell phone signal or anything with her dad and mom (i think they said they moved their to get closer to jehovah which is weird).

dubstepped

I recently went to see my brother who is DF'ed. My family refuses to hear anything about him (or his wife who has nothing to do with any of this) and won't let me talk about the trip to the area he lives in either. Oh, and they now shun me too for the most part, so I guess we aren't really talking anymore. If you're DF'ed, they don't care about you anymore. It makes it easier to shun you if you are vilified. If you talk to the DF'ed, you take a huge risk. I'd rather be shunned for doing the loving thing than loved for doing the shunning thing.

It really is a great reflection of Jesus Christ who loved his enemies, turned the other cheek, went against the current religious culture of the time, ate with the sinners, loved his neighbor, errrrrr.........or maybe it isn't. That's okay though. They had a convention about imitating Jesus, so I'm sure they'll change those things. <sarcasm