I was still in and after nearly a decade reached out to my DFed brother. As soon as family members found out both my family and my wife's started shunning us. My family just became very aloof, but my wife's sister instantly deemed us apostates and spread the word. We've never spoken again, and it has been months. Earlier this month we both disassociated formally and are not longer JWs. If he does reach out to him, there may be serious consequences for him. It is seen as an act of disloyalty to God, which we all know means the WTBTS.
dubstepped
JoinedPosts by dubstepped
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13
Been encouraging my husband to contact his DF'd brother
by atacrossroads inmy husband has a brother he has not spoken too in years not even when he became an adult.
there is a big age gap between them and when his brother was df'd he was still a small child.
his brother was 17 when he was df'd for sex and when he turned 18 he left home and never looked back.
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103
Need advice: Intimacy with my wife almost non existint because she considers me an apostate
by goingthruthemotions injust on of the perks of being an apostate who is married to a branwashed, blinded jw woman.
you know, we have been married for ~27 years....most of which we had nothing to do with the piece of shite cult.
up till the begining of 2014 was when i woke up.
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dubstepped
Also, sex comes from trust and love and intimacy, it doesn't create it. Again, I recommend marriage counseling or at least reading some books on the subject. -
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Need advice: Intimacy with my wife almost non existint because she considers me an apostate
by goingthruthemotions injust on of the perks of being an apostate who is married to a branwashed, blinded jw woman.
you know, we have been married for ~27 years....most of which we had nothing to do with the piece of shite cult.
up till the begining of 2014 was when i woke up.
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dubstepped
Most young Witnesses get married to have sex. How's that work out as a foundation for marriage? All of the people I grew up with got married young and horny and divorced, and it is a plague among the dubs. -
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Need advice: Intimacy with my wife almost non existint because she considers me an apostate
by goingthruthemotions injust on of the perks of being an apostate who is married to a branwashed, blinded jw woman.
you know, we have been married for ~27 years....most of which we had nothing to do with the piece of shite cult.
up till the begining of 2014 was when i woke up.
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dubstepped
Just an observation, but it is the rest of us talking about all the other things in a relationship aside from sex, and the OP only seems to talk about that one thing. We're sitting here trying to lay out the complexities of relationships and he's just talking about his "vitality" and equating intimacy solely to sex, which means either we're all battling out this men vs women issue while dude just sits there and grunts out "I want sex". None of us knows much about the OP's relationship because he's going no deeper than the fact that he wants something and she's not cooperating. We have no clue where his responsibility lies because he puts it all on her, which isn't a great sign. It rarely falls squarely on one person's shoulder in any relationship. We all play in to whatever function or dysfunction exists in our marriages and should look inward to start the process of fixing something first. This is coming from a former" blamer" myself. You need to check yourself first and I'm not seeing the OP doing that here. -
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Need advice: Intimacy with my wife almost non existint because she considers me an apostate
by goingthruthemotions injust on of the perks of being an apostate who is married to a branwashed, blinded jw woman.
you know, we have been married for ~27 years....most of which we had nothing to do with the piece of shite cult.
up till the begining of 2014 was when i woke up.
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dubstepped
I haven't seen anyone address this so I will because it really struck me in the OP. GTTM said what's the use of being married if this is lacking, or something to that affect. My hope is that your relationship involves much more than sex that fills other needs of you both. If not, you've got bigger problems than a lack of sex. Intimacy involves much more than sex, which you seem to equate it with. Add in the lack of understanding of how your wife works as aa woman that has needs precluding sex instead of it just being sex for the sake of sexual release and you guys might want to see a marriage counselor to help work through some of this. Something like your awakening is devastating for her. She knows what you think of her and her organization. Without respect, love dies. You guys need to work on connecting again and this could be a great opportunity to work on other areas of your relationship and you could discover or rediscover things that being you closer than the Borg ever could. -
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I'm sick of...
by freemindfade ini'm sick of.... ...having an elder i barely know invite himself over to my house, and bring another asshole elder with him, you know, to "see how i'm doing" f-ck them.
...having same elder with all insincerity approach me at the beeting and before inviting himself over, ask, "how are you doing?
" then when i say everything is great, go ahead and invite them selves over anyway.
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dubstepped
DA = Dead Air
It is like I turned the radio off and no longer have to listen to that noise again, ever, and the relief is amazing.
Disassociating is NOT playing their game. I heard that mess so many times. Who is playing their game, the person staying in it and having to do things they don't like to keep up appearances or the person that walks away forever? My wife and I chose to DA happily. Is it a tough decision? Yes, and painful at that with the permanence of such a decision when it has been your whole life. But these last two weeks have been so free. They can't touch us. I can adulterate while smoking a cigarette on my birthday and not care one iota what some judgemental person with a rafter in their own eye says about me. Not that I want to live an immoral life, but there is such freedom knowing that those judgy bastards have nothing to say that I have to listen to. Those that DA never have to play their game. I do get the ramifications if you have friends or family in, but if you're still in you are indeed playing their game. That's why you're ranting like this, because you're stuck in a game you don't want to play. I'm so sorry that's the case. I feel tremendously for those stuck in because of just that, the stress of playing the game. Much love man, for you and the others trying to play the game that you just can't win. We didn't have what it takes to do that.
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not going to school
by Sabin ini don't know if it is the same where you are but where i live it is a common practise of jdub`s to withdraw their kid`s from school at about year 8 even younger in some cases.
they say they are being home schooled & of cause they do cover a certain amount of school topics.
don't get me wrong i`m not saying that it is wrong to home school a youngster, especially if they are being bullied or suffering in some way, but the jdub`s don't do it for this purpose, oh no their kid`s are out on the field service during what would be school hours.
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dubstepped
It really turns my stomach. Why? Because I've watched the effects of it. It has been hot here since I was a kid, and I'm thankful that I went to traditional schools and got the education I could, as I was discouraged from going any further. I've seen this in my own family and one member didn't graduate or even get their GED and it obviously impacted their employment thereafter. The other member that I watched do it graduated from the accredited online program, but dear God, a monkey could do the work they were assigned. It was perfect for JW's though, as all they had to do was regurgitate information in open book tests on the simplest of subjects. My wife actually was home schooled, which primarily consisted of her codependent needy mom using her for company the whole time and discouraging her from doing her school work. My wife never graduated, so I pushed her to get her GED when we got married.
I do realize that there are kids that can come out of a home schooling process with a wonderful education. However, that would more likely happen when their parents are educated themselves. Otherwise it is the blind leading the blind. Go over to JW Talk and read their forum on home schooling. Holy crap, those people are dumber than rocks and they're looking for any excuse not to teach their children anything not from a Watchtower magazine or to use the ministry hours to substitute for more traditional schooling. The parents over their can barely string together a coherent sentence and couldn't spell their way into a remedial English class, but they're all educators now, teaching the next generation.........errrr............overlapping generation???? With an organization that can't even figure out the meaning of simple words and/or concepts, what hope do the kids have?
Parents, if you want to limit your own lives, go right ahead. Knock yourselves out. DO NOT jeopardize the futures of your kids and limit them simply because you need a buddy or want them to follow a predetermined course destined by the organization that you blindly serve.
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"Getting Baptized Is A Protection...."
by dubstepped ini'm sure that most of us heard that line when we were young.
i never could convince myself of that, other than that it hung a blade over my head that would then be on the chopping block should i err in some way and thus they would be protected from me, but i also knew that i needed to do so anyway.
otherwise i'd be a pariah if i got older and didn't take the step, and i wanted to be good in their eyes.
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dubstepped
I'm sure that most of us heard that line when we were young. I never could convince myself of that, other than that it hung a blade over my head that would then be on the chopping block should I err in some way and thus they would be protected from me, but I also knew that I needed to do so anyway. Otherwise I'd be a pariah if I got older and didn't take the step, and I wanted to be good in their eyes.
I finally figured it out though. It actually finally became a protection for me. If I hadn't been baptized I never could have disassociated, and now I actually am protected from the ten kinds of crazy that the toxic organization brings to people. They can't talk to me now even if they wanted to. No more passive aggressive comments. No more bigoted statements to listen to. No more fear mongering directed at me.
Looks like they were right all along, just not in the way that they thought.
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JW do alot of bad... and we are all collectively responsible for this!
by StephaneLaliberte ini know someone who was working for an elder.
when she got disfellowshipped, he gave her two weeks noticed and paid for one... she didn't bring that sob to court as it was her own father.
that happened about a months ago.. another example is that me and my family have become inactive.
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dubstepped
I agree to some extent with the OP. That's one reason of many that we just DAed. To continue to stay in while wanting out felt like enabling the organization to continue while I held the burden. Nope, not going to do it. What would happen if all of the faders stood up and DAed? It would make a statement. Fading says nothing, though I understand why people do it for family. Still, I believe that sends the wrong message to the top, that they can do what they want and few will take a stand against them.
Many that are DFed hang their head in shame and go away with a whimper. It is what they want and brainwashed people to do.
So many in the Borg have doubts but are scared to voice them. All of this lets things go on unchanged. The organization is a bully and people are afraid to punch them in the nose. As a result, they keep on doing what they do. I don't really fault people for not standing up because it is tough for people bearing their scars to do so, but I have to wonder how much the status quo goes on because few really use their voice.
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Reflecting on my Disfellowshipping
by kairos intoday is the day.. i was baptized as one of jehovah's witnesses on march 25th 1989.disfellowshipped for admitted apostasy today, september 10th 2015.. what an amazing story we all share.
how did we get involved with this group and think this was the best way of life?.
i asked my wife to stay home from the meeting tonight and spend the evening with me.she is.... we celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary this past monday.. i must admit, i never saw any of this coming, but it couldn't have come sooner.i'm free of all the fake friendships.
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dubstepped
Cheers Mr. Kairos! I know you never expected to be here, like I never expected to be DAed last week. What a long, strange journey it has been. But let me tell you that there was a sense of freedom and peace that came over us last week and continues today. Many hang their heads when they get out, but hold your head erect, for your deliverance is here. You're done my man. Don't look back. Keep running toward freedom. It is a strange place, but it is also beautiful if you do it well.