Damn, is it too late to take back letters I've sent my own family so I can use this one? Amazing letter that I l-o-v-e! Well done doesn't begin to describe how I feel. I may borrow some of that for a letter I plan to send on the anniversary of my own shunning.
dubstepped
JoinedPosts by dubstepped
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32
Our Letter to Our Family
by What Now? inour families have cut off contact with us for the last several months.
they found out that we were celebrating holidays with our non-witness family.
our families were our last tie to the organization, as our former friends stopped associating with us about 3 years ago.
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Ex JW's - Which Christian denomination are you with now and why?
by Truthexplorer inthis is a question for ex jw's who have joined another christian faith group.
the purpose of my question iis to find out which christian faith group you chose after leaving watchtower and what convinced you to travel this new spiritual path you are on.
i am interested to know because i personally would like to find a genuine faith group where i can feel true christian liberty as i initially thought i had with the witnesses.
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dubstepped
I guess I'm clearly not cut out for a place like this. I gave up black and white thinking when I left the dubs behind. I am neither a God following person nor an atheist. I'm open to possibilities and don't think any of us has the evidence to say either side is right to an absolute degree. I see truth and error in both sides.
What I am about is helping people find what they want, what makes them happy. I'm not about trying to make every conversation a battle to prove someone wrong. I believe we all have a journey to go on and that everything comes in due time. No amount of God bashing and shaming will change most people's mind. They need to reach things on their own. If the OP is looking for experiences of people that went to religion, why make him Wade through posts to find a few answers that are centered around it? Doesn't seem loving to me. I'd rather help him find his next step and who knows, maybe eventually he lands with the majority posting in this thread eventually.
Whatevs my ex-JW peeps. Carry on. I'm done here.
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Letter to my wife
by Truthexplorer ini decided to write the following letter to my wife after years of frustration.
it was the only way i could express my feelings to her.
so far i have had a mixed reaction from her which i can later tell you about.
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dubstepped
It is hard to know what type of feedback to give here. I think you make excellent points and mostly is a respectful way. I don't know how many times you two have talked about this previously. If this was a first, you likely overwhelmed her. Slow and steady wins the race. But maybe you two have discussed this for some time and this is a summary of some of that. It also depends on what type of fun she is, an uber dub or a so-so dub. I'd be curious as to her response. I know if someone had hit me with too much too early I may have shut down. My wife and I pushed each other on the way out. I started faster than she was comfortable with, but once she got moving she made changes faster. People need time to find their own way on such personal matters. Best of luck with it. :) -
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Ex JW's - Which Christian denomination are you with now and why?
by Truthexplorer inthis is a question for ex jw's who have joined another christian faith group.
the purpose of my question iis to find out which christian faith group you chose after leaving watchtower and what convinced you to travel this new spiritual path you are on.
i am interested to know because i personally would like to find a genuine faith group where i can feel true christian liberty as i initially thought i had with the witnesses.
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dubstepped
Gotta love how a person asks for help finding religious faith, a question that really doesn't need all of the God bashers' responses, only to find the atheists overwhelming the thread. This is why I don't even try to have intelligent discussions on here of any type of faith, not even asking well intentioned questions to see where I might stand. The God haters are every bit as rabid as those that love them some God, just here to proselytize and tell you how wrong you are for being different from them. Put a bag in their hands with science books in it, send them to the doors, and it's the dubs all over again.
I can't see why we can't just let people follow their own path so long as it doesn't hurt us. All of the right fighting in conversations not aimed at our point of view is reminiscent of the dubs sticking their noses in other people's business to tell them how wrong they are. Great for one's ego, but not usually of much help to anyone else.
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I've been depressed lately.
by Butyoucanneverleave inmy husband and i went to visit his family for the holidays.
not everyone showed for the visit ,the weather was lousy, and it just generally sucked.
now we're back to the same old routine with work and life and we're both depressed and alone.
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dubstepped
I always had that lonely feeling when I was IN the organization. I was never in the "cool club" and while the big families got together in the congregation and had lots of fun, my wife and I sat alone week in and week out with no friends. For us getting out of the organization has opened up a whole new world of friends and we're making new family, so to speak. I definitely had depression in the Borg and suicidal thoughts. All of that went away when I got out. It is funny how we all have such similar but different experiences.
It sounds like you need some friends. Our getting out just happened to coincide with what we deemed as our "year of adventure". We pushed ourselves to get out and go to sporting events, new restaurants, concerts, new places to hike, just all kinds of exploration. It really helped us feel alive again after so many years of feeling dead in the Borg. That was step 1.
Step 2 was reaching out and being vulnerable and trying to make new friends. We happened to have lots of great clients in our cleaning business that we saw regularly and talked with when we came to clean. We reached out to them as friends on Facebook and followed their lives and let them see ours. We were open and honest about our path out of the religion and how hard it was, including the shunning. People rallied around us, and we invited them to do things with us and they did the same.
Do you maybe have people that you work with or know in some capacity that you could reach out to? I know that it is hard to do so, but it might be worth it. It was scary to reach out to "worldly people", as much as we had been told to avoid them and as dangerous as they were made out to be, but we did it and haven't regretted it. It's been a huge turnaround for us. This year instead of being our "year of adventure" is our "year of relationships", trying to build upon the foundations we laid and really get to know people better. It isn't going to be easy, but just going to meet others at a restaurant for a meal is a great start and lots of fun.
I'm so sorry you're feeling so depressed. I know what it's like, and maybe I shouldn't be here telling you that things get better because when you're depressed it's hard to hear, maybe even harder to believe. I just really want you to know that better times can be ahead if you are willing to put yourself out there. At a point you have to because life is just so awful without anyone in it. I think it's awesome that you two have each other though. For a long time it was just my wife and I and we're extremely close. If you need some ideas on how to reach out and maybe find some friends I'm happy to help. This coming from a guy that had no friends for a long time, so if my wife and I can start making friends, it's possible for anyone.
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Time to Spill my Guts
by Hadriel inbeen lurking around here for several weeks.
posted once or twice but not too much.
i'm a covert fade at the moment.
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dubstepped
I read your post yesterday, even sent a link to my wife to read it on her phone. We both got out together and disassociated in September of 2015. Our process had gone on for years, but there was a point in early 2015 where we really saw the lies for what they were and it was shocking. It took very little time after that point to take a formal stand against them and get out. So we love seeing stories where other married couples get out together. It just makes us both smile.
I can only imagine what it is like now to deal with this situation with your kids. I'm so sorry you got taken for a ride by the dubs and that your kids got dragged along too. We don't have kids, so I can't really comment much, but we both really feel for you.
You are on a journey that will take you to unexpected places. You don't have to settle on any one thing right now. Give yourselves time to process things. We both vacillate between believe in God and non-belief, from belief in the Bible to non-belief, and to everything in between. You will have things jump up in your mind and hit you that you didn't see coming as it processes things. We both still have lots of dreams about meetings and such even though we haven't been to one since the summer of 2014. Of course, we also have dreams about family that we haven't seen in six months to a year, and who we will likely never see again. It is a roller coaster for sure.
With that said, the freedom from cognitive dissonance and the resultant depression and such that the organization brought to our lives is so refreshing. My wife and I have had more fun and enjoyed each day and other human beings more in the past few months than in our previous 35-38 years on this planet. We are all brothers and sisters, no reason to separate everyone, and it's funny because we did lose mothers and fathers and brothers and sisters for the sake of the good news (so to speak) and we've gained them tenfold after leaving the Borg.
So welcome to your new life. The pain is temporary and the freedom much more lasting. Be gentle on yourselves and your kids. Take things as slow or as fast as you need to. Remember that everyone moves on at their own pace, just like any type of grieving process. I'm glad to have you here on this site but more importantly to have you freed from the chokehold of the organization. Breathe and be happy. Try not to let yourself be consumed with anti-JW sentiment like you were pro-JW for all of those years. Find the life that has nothing to do with them. Maybe you and your wife never forget it, but maybe your kids can some day.
Take care,
Mike
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Thinking about disassociating yourself - STOP!...at least for a moment
by rory-ks in(this recent forum post about a letter of disassociation encouraged me to post this new topic.
it's been sitting in my drafts folder for a little while, but now is as good a time as any.).
my suggestion would be, try not to go down the route of disassociation.
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dubstepped
Not a false dichotomy just because it doesn't happen 100%of the time. It happens very often though. Some can fade and be left alone. Others can't. Doesn't make the thoughts irrelevant to all. -
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Thinking about disassociating yourself - STOP!...at least for a moment
by rory-ks in(this recent forum post about a letter of disassociation encouraged me to post this new topic.
it's been sitting in my drafts folder for a little while, but now is as good a time as any.).
my suggestion would be, try not to go down the route of disassociation.
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dubstepped
Just take a second, read the original post in this thread, and ask yourself who is playing their game? The guy that disassociates and leaves once and for all time? Or the guy that has to come up with 1001 ways to get around judicial actions and that can't be authentic in the presence of others just so he can fade? The guy that takes a stand or the guy that hides his true feelings? The guy that knows shunning is inevitable and does it on his timetable by disassociating, or the guy that waits for the inevitable to happen but by bit, always waiting for the other shoe to drop? -
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10 Years On...
by done4good injust a note that 10 years ago, (christmas day, 2005), was my last time inside a kh.
a lot has taken place for the better in those 10 years:.
1. met the love of my life and happily married for 9 years, two days ago.. 2. completed a master's degree.. 3. work at senior management level in the it field.. 4. have a savings and retirement, and no debt outside of a mortgage and 1 car loan.. 5. lots of travel to several places that i never would have done as a jw.. 6. contribute to what i believe are meaningful causes.. 7. read, think, and meditate for myself.. 8. have a great extended family i inherited from my wife.. 9. lots of other great stuff, too much to list.. none of this is intended to be boastful.
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dubstepped
Great to see you make something of your life in the 10 years after leaving. I've done some things before leaving the religion and hope to follow a similar path. Good for you! I understand why you'd want to take a break and wish you the best. Hopefully your life goes so well you forget you ever had anything to do with the dubs and we never see you again. I think that's something I hope for myself someday. -
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Writing my Disassociation letter
by Bebopin intoday i am working on writing my disassociation letter.
i successfully faded a year ago.
but i feel like i can't keep looking over my shoulder anymore i just need to be completely rid of this cult.. any suggestions on letter and it's content?.
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dubstepped
I feel you bebopin. I had questioned a few things and expressed some frustrations because it just got to a point of absurdity and I couldn't hold back. My mom pretty much deemed me an apostate years ago and went behind my back and told the only real friends I had so they could fix me I guess. I wasn't back then, but now I hate them all and their stupid cult. They are paranoid and push people away. I eventually blew up at my mom because they shunned my brother and even his wife even though she had nothing to do with anything. They didn't even see her as a human person. It was all just so stupid and when pressed on it I lost my sh-t. JWs are vile, narcissistic jerks that think everyone should be like them or die. I didn't want my name to be associated with them or their way of being. I took a stand when I joined the religion as a teen, and I took a stand at 38 and told them I was done because I wanted to be a better person than that. Being cut off does sting, but they were toxic anyway as are most, if not all JWs. It hurts sometimes, but freedom isn't free, there's always a cost.