Fleur

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Posts by Fleur

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  52

  Thoughts...

  by RichieRich in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  all to often, my mind drifts to my mixed feelings for my mother.

  the deep love that burned in my heart for the woman who had given me life.. the suicidal remorse i felt for bringing such guilt and reproach on her good name.. the blinding anger i felt for her never questioning her beliefs, but always questioning her son.. and so i'm left with a vacuous emotional chamber for a large element that is missing from my soul.. and when you've lost your most valuable possesion, everything else is gravy on an empty plate - pointless.. and so i hurt too, and i love my mom, but does she love me?

  the unanswered question haunts my mind.. we recieve, we give, and sometimes, we just plain screw up.

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  Fleur

  Hi Rich,

  I was a lurker when you were having all these problems.

  Look, your mom will ALWAYS love you. She just wants you to do things HER way. You know, parents are always worrying about their kids, their kids decisions in life, and which way their kids lives are heading.

  The problem with some parents, is that they do not realize their children must live their own lives, and it may not be the type of life they want for their kids. She just wants the best for you, as SHE sees it.

  Mothers have a hard time letting go, more so than fathers, I think.

  When she can see that her life is hers and your life is yours, it will be a giant step in your relationship.

  Warlock (a parent)

  Warlock is spot on. This isn't about love, Rich. She loves you as best she is able. As messed up as my mother is, I believe she loves me in her own way. But it's not the kind of maternal love I give my child...and someday if you choose to have children (unfathomable now, I know, but much later down the road) you will have a chance to choose what kind of parent you want to be. If nothing else, you will have learned to give love in a way that your mother is not capable of doing...and your children (and anyone else in your life, for that matter) will benefit. JW's teach a counterfeit version of love. It's all regulated, demanding, controlling. Unless and Until (to risk borrowing a phrase from Dr Phil) they can get their head out of the...er...sand and realize that loving you means giving you freedom...then it'll feel very one sided for you. Your post was heartbreaking. I'd have cried...honestly...but I really think I have no more tears to cry on this issue. I felt the way you feel about your mom about my Grandmother. I really struggled after she passed on that I disappointed her. But I have to know that if she's anywhere now, she knows the reasons I did what I did. I know that she knew that I loved her...I got to tell her so on the phone before she passed. Be kind to yourself, and please don't let the guilt get 'suicidal'. It's their trip, not yours. The only thing you have done 'wrong' is to wake up. You are salvaging your life in your teens...you have everything ahead of you. Keep eyes forward...and remember that you've never stopped loving, nor offering love. It's up to them if they accept it or not, and that, my dear, you have no control over. hugs and big-sisterly love, essie
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  48

  What charitable works have you done?

  by anewme in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  the watchtower society is notorious for discouraging the brethren from performing acts of kindness and charity towards people of the world, claiming in their literature it is a waste of time or worse the funds may be absconded.

  (see awake of this year "what is happening to charity?

  today was 109 degrees in our town.

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  Fleur

  Uzzah, wow! Just today????? Is your real name Clark Kent????

  Yes, I believe it is.

  Uzzah, you're definitely a hero in my book for the things that you do every day and all you've done in the past! (I believe that karma is growing up in an account for you...somewhere! :)

  Any small charity things I have done pale in comparison.

  But I try to do what I can to brighten the lives of kids stuck in hospitals with serious illnesses. Can't tell more at risk of identifying myself. But I do all I can, for all I can. Even tiny things add up I believe :)

  hugs

  essie
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  48

  Thanks all so much....Im ready to say goodbye

  by Es in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i know alot have been leaving lately, but i have been feeling for a while, that im ready to move on, you guys have been a wonderful source of friendship, kindness and support and i couldnt have done it without you all.. im in a happy place now and it feels great.. i will pop back on every now and then to touch base and show you pics of bubs when she makes her debut.. if any want my email addy pm, i would love to keep in touch with some.

  i love you all.

  much love.

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  Fleur

  take care of you and the little Es and come back and see us now and then!

  Be happy and healthy!!!

  hugs

  essie
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  113

  Goodbye and Swansongs

  by LittleToe in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  what's with the recent spate of folks saying goodbye, or giving swansongs?.

  this is a webboard.

  people come and people go.

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  Fleur

  
  As someone who has in the past (during fits of growing up, brain fry, emotional peril, whatever you want to call it) have used the revolving door around here more than once (and never again, I declare!) I do appreciate when people say goodbye because it's scary to wonder sometimes if people have had something bad happen to them...I guess a lot of people may not care what happens to the faceless screen names they see on web forums but when you're around a board as long as i've been here, there is a cast of regulars that you come to care about. I have anyway.

  I know, I"m rambling, I haven't had enough coffee today.

  as for the farewells themselves...they don't have to be big emotional affairs...I just guess I care about folks here so if I know someone is taking a break of their own choosing, then I don't have to worry they're lying in a ditch somewhere, you know?

  Myself I won't do the goodbye thing again...if the day comes when I'm finished, I'll just slip out the back door :)

  essie

  of the now you saw her, then you didn't, but I'm stable now, I think, class.

  p.s. Princess, good to "see" you!

  p.p.s. KW13 I'm one of your fans too, dearie! If you leave someday you better say goodbye!
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  20

  LONG TIME - NO SEE

  by Kent in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  hi folks!

  it's a long time since i've been visiting any boards, and maybe it's upon time.

  anyway, i'm still allive and well, and i'm thinking of making a bbq in norway next summer.

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  Fleur

  Wow, Kent...one of the people who had such a profound effect on me during my oh-so early days as a little zygote apostate-let LOL. Good to hear you're doing well :)

  I don't know if I ever said it, so I'll say it now that I have the chance. Thank you, for all you've posted in all the places you've posted. You are a trailblazer and always will be.

  hugs

  Essie

  (Was Esmeralda here and on H20 till I lost the freakin password!)
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  8

  Aye, Avast!

  by Fleur in

  1. social
  2. entertainment

  omg i wish i'd gotten tickets for the midnight premiere of pirates of the carribean, dead man's chest!.

  i probably won't get to see it until next week but i'm just on pins and needles...jack sparrow can do no wrong in my eyes...my god i cannot wait to see this movie!!!.

  anyone going this weekend???

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  Fleur

  Thx Hadenuf! I was sick this weekend and so we still haven't seen it yet :( hopefully one evening this week. I'm glad to hear somebody liked it cause the reviews are mixed!

  Wow I know Uzzah loves me if he'd be willing to spend that much time staring up at a gigantic Depp on the screen LOL. If you ever make it to this neck of the woods, Uzz, you know there's a steak dinner with your name on it.

  essie
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  87

  Gregg Stafford returning to the Big O

  by Amazing in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  greg stafford posted on july 1, 2006 that he is returning to the organization.

  you can read his article at: http://www.elihubooks.com/greg-stafford/another.htm.

  his rationale and logic are most interesting.

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  Fleur

  OMG Farkel LIVES!!!

  essie

  of the out cold from shock, class!
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  8

  Aye, Avast!

  by Fleur in

  1. social
  2. entertainment

  omg i wish i'd gotten tickets for the midnight premiere of pirates of the carribean, dead man's chest!.

  i probably won't get to see it until next week but i'm just on pins and needles...jack sparrow can do no wrong in my eyes...my god i cannot wait to see this movie!!!.

  anyone going this weekend???

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  Fleur

  OMG I wish I'd gotten tickets for the midnight premiere of Pirates of the Carribean, Dead Man's Chest!

  I probably won't get to see it until next week but I'm just on pins and needles...Jack Sparrow can do no wrong in my eyes...my GOD I cannot wait to see this movie!!!

  Anyone going this weekend???

  I may look like a gypsy but I'm really a pirate ;)

  essie
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  9

  In honor of my Grandmother

  by alamb in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  today is her birthday.

  she passed away 25+ years ago....months after being coerced into being baptized a jw.

  i learned in later years a blood transfusion could have helped if not saved her.. .

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  Fleur

  She never died to me. Funny, she is still with me and my JW family have all disappeared by their own wishing. She lives on through my children.

  I know just what you mean, ((((((((((((Alamb))))))))))...good for you donating like that...my the kids are all so beautiful!!!!!

  hugs

  essie
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  64

  I'm new here

  by Keeli in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  this seemed like a likely place to introduce myself.

  i live in oregon and was disfellowshipped a couple of years ago.

  i never went back to meetings and i don't intend to go back.

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  Fleur

  Welcome to the new girl with such a beautiful face! :) I'm so glad you're out while you're so young. I got out in my 20's too and even though I was df'd (tried to da, but they were going to make an example of me) it took me a long time to visit forums about jw's. I've known a lot of folks here through the boards for more than five years (going on seven, some folks from older forums!) and there is much community and strength to be shared here.

  Glad to have you with us.

  hugs,

  essie