Perhaps it's my circumstances -- my only Witness contact, my mother, is very liberal and never, EVER brings up any JW stuff --
To be honest, I think that you hit the nail on the head right there. I have been out for going on seven years now, and on exJW forums on and off for going on five. But the thing that draws me back, I find, is the fact that 99 percent of my family are still in and when issues arise, deaths in the family, weddings, anything else that causes the wounds to be reopened, I need to come back and talk to people who truly understand what I have been through and many of whom are going through it themselves.
I am thrilled for anyone who gets their whole family out or who only has one or two JW relatives and can find a way to put the past behind them quickly. There definitely is the danger of getting 'stuck' and bitter. That is a waste of time and life, in my opinion.
On the other hand, I don't think though that if you've never been shunned on a grand scale by everyone in your family including parents, that you can know how deep the pain is. It's just a matter of never having been through the experience yourself; its like, well, for want of a better comparison, child birth. You can describe it and people can understand the mechanics of it, but you can't know it until you've suffered it. I guess guys can say the same thing about getting kicked in the...well you know.
It's a singular kind of pain, and people process it differently. Your advice to forgive those family members who shun you is good. I try to do that because I know that they are doing what they think is the ultimate act of love. But I also hold each of them accountable now as to how they treat me at any given time based on the circumstances, like the issues surrounding the recent death in my family. They're treating me like shit and I don't think that is at all okay. I don't know when I will be able to forgive them completely for their coldness.
I understand where you're coming from...you give good advice that I am sure will apply to many here. For myself, I have realized that no matter whether or not I ever post here again or if I just go off into the sunset and do other things (it's not like I 'live' here anyway) that I am now and will always be, on some levels, a recovering Jehovah's Witness. There is no way to push any emotional fast forward buttons and make it go away. Especially since I have to continually deal with JW issues literally every day of my life because of my child.
I guess it's like 12 step groups: take what you like and leave the rest. Some folks move through their recovery more quickly than others, but all bear the scars. We just wear them differently.
this probably makes no sense I'm sick as a dog and its way past my bedtime...but I just wanted to respond. I hope it made some sense.
I wish you every joy, peace and happiness,
essie