https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32TBUIam7kA&ab_channel=TheSquirrelWhisperer
Posts by Terry
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13I almost died ...allow me to explain
by Terry inin 1923 i almost died.. allow me to explain .... .
i wouldn't exist for another 24 years ...but.
for a few seconds, on top a building, my grandfather, jack hybarger, stood with tears running down his cheeks and a small caliber pistol in his right hand.
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Terry
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13
I almost died ...allow me to explain
by Terry inin 1923 i almost died.. allow me to explain .... .
i wouldn't exist for another 24 years ...but.
for a few seconds, on top a building, my grandfather, jack hybarger, stood with tears running down his cheeks and a small caliber pistol in his right hand.
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Terry
Iown Mylife, that's a brutal realization! Whew. Hard to handle.
I'm 73 and when I look way back at the sorts of men I grew up around (through today's standards as a filter) I see wretched guys straddling social taboos while trying to at least appear to be upright.
Lots of dirty secrets abounded and few clean hands. But there is never ever ever any possible excuse for harming children.
Even if it turns out people are "just born that way" I can't grasp a liberal sentiment of acceptance.
When I found a KKK robe my grandfather kept locked in a cabinet, I asked him about it much later and the answer I got was more or less self-exculpatory (as you might expect.) I feel shame on his behalf but in his own eyes I doubt his calculus saw beyond "birds of a feather flock together", in his own words.
I deplore my father's alcoholism, my grandfather's KKK background, and I suppose I should be very grateful I had so little parenting from the males in my family. Of course this made me susceptible to Jehovah's Witnesses and the offer of a Heavenly Father as replacement. But - that's water under an old collapsed bridge.
We must move forward in life. Ever forward while finding a shelf inside our heart where dark memories are stored as cautionary tales of how easily we can head over the next cliff. -
13
I almost died ...allow me to explain
by Terry inin 1923 i almost died.. allow me to explain .... .
i wouldn't exist for another 24 years ...but.
for a few seconds, on top a building, my grandfather, jack hybarger, stood with tears running down his cheeks and a small caliber pistol in his right hand.
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Terry
Thanks!
I remember reading about a Russian guy in a nuclear bunker who had "saved the world" by NOT following orders to launch against the U.S. His gut told him it was a glitch in the system - and he was right.
My foot slipped on my accelerator pedal when the light turned green during a heavy morning fog in darkness and at that instant a huge truck roared passed running the light!
The foot slipped meant the difference between a sure fatality and the rest of my life.
We're always a hair's breadth away from extinction it seems!
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(edited) I found it!
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-24280831 -
13
I almost died ...allow me to explain
by Terry inin 1923 i almost died.. allow me to explain .... .
i wouldn't exist for another 24 years ...but.
for a few seconds, on top a building, my grandfather, jack hybarger, stood with tears running down his cheeks and a small caliber pistol in his right hand.
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Terry
In 1923 I almost died.Allow me to explain ...I wouldn't exist for another 24 years ...butFor a few seconds, on top a building, my Grandfather, Jack Hybarger, stood with tears running down his cheeks and a small caliber pistol in his right hand....If he had pulled the trigger, not just one man--one very depressed and hopeless man--would die; he'd take with him the four children his wife would never carry, their children (including me) and so it goes...ripples of death.My grandfather told me about his "almost" suicide on the day he drove out to the prison where I was to be released on parole.____"I was going to shoot myself in the head."(All I could manage to speak was the one word, "Why?").."My wife - your grandmother- was going to leave me. She had met somebody else. I followed her. I saw. I knew. I climbed a ladder outside a dance hall and watched them. I climbed back down and bought a gun at the pawn shop and returned. I walked in and straight over to the table where they sat."My grandfather pulled into a barbecue stand where we used to go for lunch way back before prison had crashed into my life and all was 'normal'.He had gone quiet for a while, lost in his own memories. I recall wondering if he was even aware he had said what he'd said out loud.I bowed my head for a silent prayer before our meal. When I finally looked up, I could see he was embarrassed. Suddenly, so was I.We ate in silence and got back in the car. We'd be 'home' in another twenty minutes.I was often uncomfortable being in his presence.He carried secrets, never met my gaze, and sometimes gave in to tempestuous fits of anger.At other times, he was generous, fun-loving and upbeat.He was a climate unto himself.I learned early on to keep an eye out for brewing storm fronts.We rode along the turnpike between Dallas and Ft. Worth with our windows down in his 66 Ford Falcon. I had so many thoughts and emotions on my release day--I couldn't really put two thoughts together about my future.I stared at the OUTSIDE WORLD which was now MINE. Again.Except - this old man next to me had blurted out his deep secret and just left it hanging in the air!____I waited and he finally continued."I pulled the pistol out of my pocket and stood in front of them. Until that moment, I really had no plan--it was all anger and adrenaline. I cocked the weapon and found myself pointing it--not at HIM--but HER. I don't know what I said. I was in a fog. Sad, confused, desperate. I said whatever I said and walked out.I wandered around the French Quarter for about an hour. We were living in New Orleans at that time. Then, I climbed the fire escape to the top of a men's store called Maison Blanche. I needed to look out at the city and at the world; at life itself a final time.At the top, I walked to the edge and looked down. That's when I saw it. I bent down and picked up a stray bit paper under my foot.I read it and decided to live.It was just an advertisement--a handbill that a breeze somehow had blown on top of a building."____We were turning down the final few streets before the driveway of the house where, before prison, I'd spent 20 years of my life. I couldn't wait to see it and rush inside and experience the passionate thrill of security in my own home.As we turned into the long driveway, I saw my cat sitting alert on the front porch swing. His tail was snaking nervously at the car's approach. Did he know? Is that possible?We drove past the familiar trees I had climbed as a boy, the pecan tree, pear tree, and I could smell honeysuckle. The four o'clock flowers my grandmother planted all those years ago swept over me and it was a gust of perfumed happiness!This house, the yard smells, my cat, and the sweet life I'd left behind to serve the fearsome God Jehovah---it was all too much to bear! I began weeping uncontrollably.___My grandfather pulled into the overhang of the garage and switched off the motor. He was lost in his own feelings of 'overwhelm' at that moment. Memory can be kind, or cruel, or punishing.___He finished his thoughts out loud."The handbill was an advertisement for Art School. I discovered in that instant of time a pause between life and death--I wanted to be an artist of some kind!I climbed back down the fire escape, off the building-- never again thought about what I'd almost done."Engine off and radiator burbling. The free world rushed into my heart.And ... I'd just been told a dark secret about - my own existence.___I sat stunned.In the blink of an eye--the only reason I existed at all was that a handbill for Art School caught a suicidal man's eye before he shot himself. He found his dream between heaven and hell...That day was April 15, 1969, and I wouldn't completely understand what my grandfather told me for another 5 years, in June of 1974.It was to be the day I decided to leave this world--of Fort Worth and Jehovah's Witnesses--and start a new life in California--as an Artist....What strange mystery runs in our blood? I cannot say.Art is there. Art saved my life.TWICE._____________________________In 1923 I almost died.Holy shit.
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Third Time's a Charm
by Terry inour night had sprung a leak.
the moon was spilling in.
the time has come for you to go.”.
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Terry
Our night had sprung a leak. The moon was spilling in.Crouching on our skyline--all that green cheese--ours for the taking.“We must hurry.” You said, “Make lots and lots of toast”.“No, a cracker or two will do.” I replied.Then, from the corner came a new gleam.“That’s a new lock on your door I spy with my little eye.” I trembled slightly.“You won't need to return your key.” You said flatly.“Ah, a kindly souvenir--how thoughtful.” Poison in my voice.Where had all the silence come from? Had it crept in on cat’s paws?“I’m not getting through to you.” I managed to say.Your faced changed. The color drained. Your eyes darkened.“We have to say goodbye. We have to stay within the scheme of things. I have to send you away now.”I cocked my head like a Spaniel.“Nothing I did...nothing I said made the slightest dent?”A crack in my chest began widening into ice.You turned your face away gesturing like a child.“Let’s put another sticker on your luggage saying ‘Hotel Silly, U.S.A.”Your hand swept toward the packed luggage. How had I missed seeing that?“That bag isn’t going anyplace. I’m rooted to this spot. You along with me.” I placed a cold hand on my chest and felt the rumble.You looked cross suddenly.“October’s obstinate. Stalled like the dog at the door.”“It’s almost midnight. We stayed out too late. You know?”“Your scheme--you deliberately kept us out late.”“It was wrong. I’m sorry.”“I don’t much care for midnight. I don’t believe in midnight. So, there!”You clenched your jaw a bit and narrowed your eyes.“There is no philosophy inside you to allow me to do this my way?”“Like what? So long kid, it’s been great?”“That isn’t philosophy. It’s Hollywood. I don’t ask questions anymore--I never like the answers. You should try that.”“Straight out--you never once thought of letting me stay?”Some thought climbed and fell as your lips formed soundless replies. You turned, moving toward the hallway.“I think I forgot to pack your toothbrush.”I reached, bending forward--my legs wouldn’t move. Grasping your wrist, I turned you toward me. You barely resisted.“You know, standing here in this dopey light right now...all this stupid moonlight...wasted green cheese and no crackers...the thought of leaving you or you wanting me to leave can only be something I made up in my head. Why would I do that? A piano must have fallen on my head. Yes. That’s it. I’m really just lying in the street someplace right now dreaming all this. Under, of course, someone’s busted piano.”Your eyes downcast at the floor.Your chest was heaving as though heavy furniture had been carried upstairs. We could hear leaves racing across the yard in a sudden gust of wind.Then the church bell tolled midnight and the moonlight failed as snow began falling.My blood was now an icy river.“I despair. I god damn despair.”I could no longer breathe without effort. I would not let go of your hand.Your head lifted--eyes straight ahead. Your voice played dark music to my ears.“I need you to leave now. The time has come for you to go.”“But--why?”“It’s when you love me the most--it’s the right time. Don’t wait too long or it ruins everything.”“But…”“Because I know. I have an instinct for time. It lives all around me. What I have of it is mine. I have to use it my way.”“You once told me time doesn’t count when we’re together.”“You’re a silly man. It’s infectious, your silliness. I succumbed. I’m sorry. Time does count. It counts very, very much.”The sound of a key in the new lock rattled.I dropped your hand.The door swung wide.Cold air rushed inside. We turned to stare.“Oh, um--sorry. Am I too early--or--I mean, too late--I’ve got all my bags with me?”He was a nice looking fellow; a bit clumsy with his things; utterly clueless what he was walking into.The two of us just stood silent like misplaced statues as he removed his overcoat--and as an afterthought--remembered to shut the door and block the remaining leaves and snowflakes from invading the room. Finally, he beamed a ridiculous smile and spoke cheerfully.“Hi. It’s twelve o’clock. Here I am.”You were looking at me. Your face said everything.I didn’t care for its tone. No. I am sometimes slow about things, but not this time.I did not like what your face was saying.You shook your head and whispered barely loud enough for me to hear.“I hoped you’d be gone before he got here.”I barely nodded, not taking my eyes off you as the unwelcome intruder made himself at home.I shook my head and became aware of all sorts of creeping things inside me. Swarming feelings, like invasive locusts, or a nest of spiders had come alive. If I didn’t leave, I’d be devoured by them bit by bit.Then it became clear. You really did plan for me to see him. It would make it possible for me to hate you. Yes. That’s it. You planned a clean break--my heart, that is.The idiot was still hovering close to the door, shaking his coat as his cheeks took on color.“That snow is really something, isn’t it? It wasn’t expected.”Unbelievably, he plodded over to the both of us, removing his glasses and affecting a tone of jolly goodwill.“I really didn’t expect to see you.” He didn’t offer his hand. He was gazing at me curiously, but without any emotion.I kept looking at you with a new and wondering appraisal.I drank you in--all of you, as though you were water and I was a man about to be turned out into a desert.The fool just kept babbling.“I would have held the cab for you--if--if I’d known you were still here. As it was, I---”He finally seemed to absorb the situation. He’d finally grasped it fully. He gulped.“Look, um--you want me to go back out for awhile and come back in? It’s very easily done?”You were staring directly at me in a peculiar way. What were you thinking? Your face took on an intensity that frightened me at first--until I realized, you too were memorizing. I was being tagged and filed away in some secret compartment inside your soul.“I didn’t mean to make anybody feel uncomfortable. Look--I’ll just put my coat back on and go outside and--I guess...wait.”You and I reached a silent moment of complete honesty as we stared into one another’s eyes. I closed mine and turned toward the door.“No--wait. I’m intruding on your time.”He was now capable of embarrassment.“Oh heck--what’s a few extra minutes. . .”“No. You stay. It’s my turn to go. Stay there, please.”He instantly relaxed.I turned toward you this one last time. You were now looking away from both of us witless men in that room. We were amateur actors who’d flubbed our parts and you waited for us to set ourselves right again in our own private way.I approached you and placed my chin on your shoulder as my hand grasped your arm. I felt a wave of heat tearing through me and for a small second, there was something electric and mysterious in the room.I leaned my head closer to your ear as I whispered gently.“I’ve got you with me for the rest of my life in a place nothing can ever touch. Brimful, I am. Staying longer would only chase me into the hereafter. Nothing will ever take you away. I’ll remember.”I smiled and pulled the hair away from your cheek and kissed you softly; a priest of love.You started to turn toward me. I stopped you.“No. Don’t turn round. I’ll turn into a pillar of salt.”I let go of your arm and collected my bag, allowing the new fellow to open the door with solemn courtesy as I walk out into the wind and leaves mixed with new snow.--------Barely a year later, I felt something inside--unaccountably sad--it wouldn’t leave me alone.I asked around and found out where I could find you.That’s why I’m here today. It’s why I’m telling you all this like the idiot I am and always was. I really did start to hate you and I’m here to apologize.Your dad was the one who told me.Leukemia had found you twice before and you’d beaten it twice. Just not the third time. It was exactly as you’d known. Time can be so much more important for one person rather than another.“I’ve got you with me for the rest of my life in a place nothing can ever touch. Brimful.”I promised.These flowers are for you. You cannot see them or catch their scent on the air. Somehow, you’ll know.They’re Forget-me-not’s.I gave them to you when we met. I gave them again when you whispered, “I love you.”You know what they say: Third Time’s a Charm.
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8
MICKEY SPILLANE and MIKE HAMMER novels (A tough guy JW back in the good old days of Knorr)
by Terry inspillane, mickey spillane.
he pulled no punches and his pen was as fast as his gun.
after all, it took almost three whole weeks for mickey to type his first novel.
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Terry
I think the first book I read of this sort was by Erskine Caldwell or Harold Robbins.
Supposedly dirty. But by today's "standards"? Ha ha ha ha. -
14
Hide and Watch (Monsters are about to reveal themselves)
by Terry init is said of drunken behavior "i didn't know what i was doing - i was drunk.
" as if alcohol makes people do things against their own character and temperament.. .
i've known just a few alcoholics in my lifetime.
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Terry
I'm so old I can remember when News came to us for 1 hour at 6 p.m. on one of three channels and a man read the news without personal commentary.
Yeah. I'm not kidding.
With the innovation of Internet+smartphones a NEW MEDIA was created in which
what we used to call NEWS was destroyed. Why? 24 hours 7 days a week is a LOT OF TIME TO FILL with content.
The content has to be compelling or nobody watches it.
If nobody watches the News advertisers will not pay $$ for commercial airing.
Watch the Documentary SOCIAL DILEMMA on NETFLIX
and see how Artificial Intelligence is running the media in such a way
everything is monetized to induce "clicks" regardless of the destructive impact
on our social sanity.
https://www.netflix.com/title/81254224 -
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You know you're really dim-witted when? (You actually think a defeated President can successfully REFUSE to step down)
by Terry inwhen you're easily convinced about a total impossibility.. such as what?.
such as a defeated president actually being able to refuse.
to step down from office.
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Terry
I'm so old I can remember when News came to us for 1 hour at 6 p.m. on one of three channels and a man read the news without personal commentary.
Yeah. I'm not kidding.
With the innovation of Internet+smartphones a NEW MEDIA was created in which
what we used to call NEWS was destroyed. Why? 24 hours 7 days a week is a LOT OF TIME TO FILL with content.
The content has to be compelling or nobody watches it.
If nobody watches the News advertisers will not pay $$ for commercial airing.
Watch the Documentary SOCIAL DILEMMA on NETFLIX
and see how Artificial Intelligence is running the media in such a way
everything is monetized to induce "clicks" regardless of the destructive impact
on our social sanity.
https://www.netflix.com/title/81254224 -
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Hide and Watch (Monsters are about to reveal themselves)
by Terry init is said of drunken behavior "i didn't know what i was doing - i was drunk.
" as if alcohol makes people do things against their own character and temperament.. .
i've known just a few alcoholics in my lifetime.
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Terry
If there is a "bottom line" to any of the simultaneous chaos (plural) scenarios the world is facing at this moment I'd characterize it this way.
THOSE with access to Power and Money are squeezing this pandemic and political unrest for all the $$ and Power they can get from a PARTICULAR outcome.
Consider this one fact...
In the U.S. both political parties (Democrat / Republican) were outraged at Bernie Sanders offer of Free College tuition, forgiveness of college loans, mandated $15 minimum wage, Guarantee Basic Income, etc. because: "How would we pay for it??"
And then what happened?
Trillions of dollars MAGICALLY appeared from the FEDERAL RESERVE to bail out Banks, Corporations, Wall Street and a few crumbs tossed to the pigeons as a one time $1200 check.
WHERE DID THIS MONEY come from? It is "Fiat" cash. No, not the automobile company - it comes from "thin air".
TRILLIONS, not Billions. Just like that (sound of fingers snapping).
So the idea that money has to "come from" someplace was all a big lie to begin with.
Who is that money owed to?
Here is the Big Joke.
When our government got rid of the Gold Standard (Nixon had to finance the Vietnam "war" beyond the capacity of the gold reserve) it switched to "petro-dollars" based on Oil.
The amount of Oil we owned is a mystery - but - actual Gold stacked in a vault is finite and can be counted.
This means what?
The only source of revenue the Federal Government has is Taxpayer money.
If the Federal Reserve spends (as yet unpaid tax revenue) way into the future by printing what amounts to I.O.U. cash --- we are royally FUCKED!
How?
The money is owed to the Taxpayer!
They forced future taxpayers to pay today's Banks, Corporations, Wall Street moguls and let the rest of us starve in the streets, lose employment, forfeit mortgages, get tossed out of homes, lose all manner of security and go pound sand!
And we wonder why it is so easy for them to point a finger at the OTHER party? -
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MORTALITY rates Pre-Covid and Post-Covid (How are we going to understand?)
by Terry ini got out my calculator and looked up mortality statistics.
i wanted to get a "feel" for what is normal ina non-pandemic world in order to compare with how things are now.once had had a "feeling" for it i began to notice that media has a dramatic (perhaps overblown) tendency toterrify the public by framing death rates, predictions, and political discord hysterically.
mortality in a normal world.
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Terry
The younger, fitter, healthier you are the less susceptible to Covid's lethality
as the comparison of INFECTED to actual DEAD becomes clear.
As we learned from being Jehovah's Witnesses - almost ANYTHING can be twisted by a single word, a comma, an omission depending on who is MANIPULATING the target audience.
Remember this: 1."Truly (comma) I tell you today you will be with me in Paradise.
2."Truly I tell you today (comma) you will be with me in Paradise."
Clever change of context affecting the exact intention of the statement by use of punctuation (which did not exist at that time.)
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was (?)"
Yes, THAT one!
We have two political parties trying to create chaos by weaponizing culpability for Covid death. Is it the fault of the Chinese or is it the lackadaisical response?
Are masks vital protection - or - do they cause more harm than good? (Both are statements directly attributable to Expert authorities.)
Are respirators vital life-saving equipment - or - has it turned out they almost always guarantee patient death?
Up is Down, Black is White (only Black matters), and Truth is what X says it is.