Posts by mamochan13

43

i called a therpist today any advice

by unstopableravens in

this is new to me,im a little nervous, its for me and than later for family, wifey does not like the idea because its not the elders,and she doesnt want the org to look bad.

she more worried about them than our marriage ,im only doing this for us and my sanity,whats you guys thoughts?.

mamochan13

Ravens - I don't think gender makes a huge difference. In counselling, though, we are drawn to the professional who reinforces our own personal beliefs about what we think is wrong. ESpecially in couples counselling - both husband and wife want to go into that room and be told that they are in the right. It takes great courage to hear something negative or unflattering about onesself.

But counselling is all about gaining self-insight. It's hard to say what your wife might listen to, but the important thing is - if the counsellor can help you understand yourselves better, to get a glimpse into why you each do the things you do to each other, you will stand a better chance of being able to sort out your problems. If you focus on what you personally stand to gain from the experience and look for ways your new insight can help you make positive changes, counselling will work very well for you.

WE cannot change another person. We can only change ourselves. But in the process of changing ourselves, we no longer interact with others in the same way. When we change, our loved ones need to learn new ways to manage the relationship. They must also change and adapt - so we do, in effect, influence their change.

43

i called a therpist today any advice

by unstopableravens in

this is new to me,im a little nervous, its for me and than later for family, wifey does not like the idea because its not the elders,and she doesnt want the org to look bad.

she more worried about them than our marriage ,im only doing this for us and my sanity,whats you guys thoughts?.

mamochan13

Excellent, Ravens. Therapy can do amazing things. Good advice here so far. I would add that if you feel things aren't working after a session or two, don't be afraid to get a second opinion - in other words, a different counsellor. Sometimes personalities don't mesh well, so you have to keep trying until you get the right one. Don't give up on counselling, though.

Also, try to avoid the tendency to highlight anything the counsellor suggests that might apply to your wife. Keep it self-reflective and apply what you learn to yourself. Model that attitude after each session, i.e. "today I learned that I should work to be better at xxx etc." or "I'm going to try and follow the counsellor's suggestion in xxx" You can also say things like, "I thought the counsellor had a great idea about us working on xxx. What do you think?"

Good luck. You are doing the right thing.

119

Anyone Else from Canada?

by Miss 8572 in

i'm really intrigued by that fact that i may know some of you and yet not know that i know you.

i just want to know how many people from canada are here.

if you don't mind and don't care about posting your province (cause i'm too timid to) we could all get an idea of just how many canucks are really out there.

mamochan13

sheesh. Now I discover I'm in the same city as the monkey.

92

Sandy Hook Massacre - Solutions

by tootired2care in

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mamochan13

Someone with a knife cannot massacre 20 little kids in less than 10 minutes.

I commented on the mother's role in another thread. It's true that mental illness happens in the best families, even with loving mothers. However, if you have a child with mental health and behaviour issues, why on earth would you provide them potential weapons? Seems very odd. Certainly we don't know the whole story yet (if we ever do), but I've worked in family support. One family I worked with had a teenager who was autistic and low-IQ, with many behavioural problems. He engaged in a number of worrisome behaviours, including trying to burn their house down. So they made sure he never had access to matches.

The mom in this case also had plenty of money, so theoretically she could have accessed any kind of mental health supports. Why didn't she?

Perhaps an important solution is to stop all the denial.

38

A Nut or Criminals Will Always Find A Way To Kill Or Hurt Someone If They Want To

by minimus in

jw
friends

for the record, i don't think a person should be able to use "assault weapons" or "machine guns" or "rocket launchers".

i do think guns should be allowed.

but certainly not everyone is "qualified" to use a firearm.. even if you legally, rightfully can have a weapon, it doesn't mean that a "kook" wouldn't steal it and use it in a nefarious way.. i am convinced that you could take licenses away from drinkers and they still could get behind the wheel and wreak havoc.. you could ban switchblades and gun silencers and people will still find a way to quickly slice you up or muffle a sound.. you could ban or try to curtail cough medicines and people will still find a way to get high.. we cannot, government cannot---control what people will do.

mamochan13

I don't disagree, Min. I do think, however, that there is validity to BizzyB's argument that if we make it harder for a nut job to carry out a plan to wreak havoc, it will lessen the chances of success. I mean, this is why we are told to use secure locks and make our homes difficult to break into - the idea is the would-be thief will give up and go elsewhere, or become more likely to get caught because of expending more time and effort. Why give a nut or a criminal an easy tool?

I did want to comment on the role this boy's mother played, though. Keeping in mind that we still don't know much about what really happened, I think she was a big-time enabler who bears responsibility. I've worked in family support with families similar to the one in the "I am Adam's mother" blog. I remember one family had a 13-year old son who tried to burn their house down several times. They subsequently made sure that he never had access to any potential firestarter materials. It's a no-brainer, really. For this mother to provide guns and train her son in their use when she knew he had all kinds of mental health and behavioural issues screams dissonance to me. Something very wrong with the picture.

67

Mental health crisis in America-

by moshe in

i found this mother's letter to be an eye opener--.

written by liza long, republished from the blue review.

friday's horrific national tragedy -- the murder of 20 children and six adults at sandy hook elementary school in newtown, connecticut -- has ignited a new discussion on violence in america.

mamochan13

WE have a mental health crisis in Canada, too, but at least many people here get coverage for services. I personally don't, so I know what it's like to weigh your health plan dollars and not be able to get the services you need. What do you do and where do you turn to when your child is mentally ill and struggling?

Even when services are covered...one of my daughters was going through a real bad time a few years ago. We called mobile mental health. I was stunned by their response. They arrived with two big burly cops because they had to protect their workers just in case my daughter got violent. Anything my daughter said that might be interpreted as aggressive (um...yeah, mental illness does that)...they would bascially blame her and be extremely rude and critical. It was all about protecting the workers, and had nothing to do with helping the individual who was sick. As a provisional psychologist, I could not believe what I was seeing - it was the most harmful thing possible towards someone who was mentally ill. The stigma around mental health even permeates the workers, who should know better. So even when services are available, they can be demeaning and unhelpful.

Yes, the only people who shoot up a classroom of beautiful little children are mentally ill. But where do you begin treating them? Workers need educating, the public needs educating, attitudes must change.

13

This Ex Jehovah Witness Must Say Good Bye For Now, Thanks For you help.

by ÁrbolesdeArabia in

peace and love to you all, good bye until i can find myself in a deeper sense.

jwn has helped me get a better grip with reality, knowing we are all kinda tweaked from our collective experience.

the pain the religion has inflicted on the innocent men and women is not cool, i know you will keep up the good work and please watch over the newbies who are looking for comfort, support and the listening ear.

mamochan13

good luck on your journey, arboles

48

Okay Folks, it's Time to be like ....Canada

by dreamgolfer in

jw
friends

get on the anti gun bandwagon,.

it is not the middle ages, the rrvolutinary or civil war time- it's now - 2012 and soon to be 2013. america needs to become like canada, now now now.

you can argue all you want, but if you can't open your eyes, you have some deep dark issues that require a shrink.. i will not answer you or taunt you.

mamochan13

Canada is not a gun control paradise. We have a stupid controversial gun registration law that cost a lot of money and has been repealed because it did nothing beneficial. Our gun laws are certainly tougher, but killings happen with registered weapons.

We also have school killings. A 14 year old shot up a school in my province a few years back, and in Quebec we had a horrible shooting at a technical school. We watch the same violent movies, play the same video games. We have the same gaps in mental illness supports.

What Canada does have that is different, though, I think, is a different cultural attitude towards guns. We don't consider it a right to own, and we don't seem to have the "from my cold dead hands" type thinking. Gun ownership in Canada is seen as more of a privilege. It would be considered unusual at my local high school if any of the kids had access to multiple weapons. It would be unusual if I, as an average citizen, walked around with a gun in my purse or glove box.

But it's not just the attitude towards guns that causes these horrible mass murders. It's the attitude towards people - that life is disposable.

22

Kurt does "field service" in a laundromat and is not even a Jehovah's Witness

by kurtbethel in

jw
friends

the recent socal rain storms had me needing to go to a launrdomat to dry some clothes.

so i get inside and see that one of the friendly neighborhood jehovah's witnesses has left a little dish of spiritual food.

being the benevolent soul that i am, i took my handy pen and added some additional spice to the bland spiritual food offered by the watchtower.. .

mamochan13

Well done, Kurt! Very productive witnessing.

14

Catching up with DF couple in supermarket frustrating.

by jemba in

jw
friends

hubby and i (faders) were in the supermarket today.

we had just avoided and completely ignored an elder and his wife when we saw a newly married couple who were both recently disfellowshipped, of course being the rebels we are we made a bee line for them.

the df man was until recently a workmate of my hubby so they quickly got into an animated discussion and i met the new wife who seemed nice but let me know they were getting reinstated asap.

mamochan13

I had my ex-brother-in-law who is DFd try to convert me back to the religion because he figured it wouild make him look really good to the family.

I think we have a hard time understanding why DFd people who have been so hurt by the religion want to return, partly because JWs believe that anyone who is DFd is practicing sin and is completely on the side against the religion. In reality, I think most of them still believe. Yes, some are DFd for apostasy, but the majority just fell afoul of the rules.