Create for me a summary of a religion in the style of a Wikipedia article across 3 paragraphs which is a parody about a Religion called "Jehooba Witless", in which the traits of the religion is incessant door knocking to offer blood to householders, to encourage "studying" among themselves whenever possible and Christmas themed parties 3 times a week. Include other hilarious facts you can parody on real Eschatology type religions including waiting for the restaurant as the end of the world.
(Hilarious AI generated text) :
Jehooba Witless
Jehooba Witless is a satirical new religious movement characterized by its zealous, and often unwelcome, door-to-door proselytizing, a peculiar focus on the ritualistic offering of blood, fervent communal "study" sessions, and an unusual obsession with thrice-weekly Christmas-themed celebrations. Founded in the late 20th century by the enigmatic figure known only as "Elderberry," Jehooba Witless teaches that the current world order will imminently end with the grand opening of "The Heavenly Buffet," a celestial restaurant where faithful adherents will enjoy an eternal all-you-can-eat experience. Non-believers, or those who fail to answer their door, are prophesied to be forever stuck outside, peering longingly through the windows at the divine delicacies within.
Central tenets of Jehooba Witless include the "Ministry of the Knock," where followers are compelled to visit every residence within their designated "territory" multiple times a week, not to share scripture, but to politely (or sometimes insistently) offer small vials of consecrated animal blood, believed to contain the essence of spiritual enlightenment. "Study Circles" form the bedrock of their communal life, with members gathering at all hours to pore over pamphlets filled with deliberately confusing interpretations of everyday events as signs of the impending "Menu Revelation." Furthermore, the "Three Nights of Noel" are sacred, with elaborate Christmas trees, carols (often with modified lyrics), and gift exchanges occurring every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, regardless of the actual time of year, as a way to "practice for the eternal festive feasting."
The eschatology of Jehooba Witless is particularly unique. The "Great Reservation" is the anticipated moment of global judgment, signaled by the ringing of a giant dinner bell. Only those who have diligently participated in the "Ministry of the Knock," enthusiastically engaged in "Study Circles," and faithfully attended the "Three Nights of Noel" will be granted a coveted seat at "The Heavenly Buffet." Those deemed "Witless" – typically individuals who successfully avoid opening their doors or express disinterest in blood offerings – will be left to eternally contemplate the tantalizing aromas wafting from within the celestial eatery, forever missing out on the divine dessert bar.