I hear you, but I as I said in an earlier post, I can't feel guily anymore. I only began doubting because they changed "the truth". Not my fault... It's a simple fact, though, if I believed everything hook line and sinker she could have what she thinks she wants.
Posts by 2evil
-
65Questions
by 2evil inok, this is my first post.
i'm 30 years old.
raised in "the truth" my whole life.
-
-
-
65
Questions
by 2evil inok, this is my first post.
i'm 30 years old.
raised in "the truth" my whole life.
-
-
2evil
No, I don't want to progress in that way. And my wife doesn't care about being the wife of an elder. She just wants to feel that we are all doing what we should be doing. See, she has a distorted view of other families. She believes that those families that are perfect JW cookie cutter families are really happy. Though she grew up in the "truth" her family was never regular out in service, had a family study or any "spiritual" activities. She never had this so this is what she wants and cannot have because of my views and distrust of the society. I can deal with upsetting anyone. That isn't the problem. I don't want to LOSE my family. Either my immediate family or my extended.
-
65
Questions
by 2evil inok, this is my first post.
i'm 30 years old.
raised in "the truth" my whole life.
-
-
2evil
Annanias, What I mean about "not progressing" is that I'm not going to "progress" within the congregation because I have these doubts. That is how I have been characterizing it with my wife. Not a lot is currently going on at my house since I hasven't brought anything up in a couple months. It will come up again though.
-
65
Questions
by 2evil inok, this is my first post.
i'm 30 years old.
raised in "the truth" my whole life.
-
-
2evil
I should explain what my wife means by "what she wants". My wife is a rare person. She does love me for me, almost to a fault. She is afraid right now. What she wants is a "spiritual family, that goes out in service and studies together." Since I've told her that it's my doubts that are holding me back and I wont talk to the elders about it further she concludes that I will not progress and it will "effect our whole family." Her intentions are good. She believes this is the truth whole heartedly. Gets depressed when she misses meetings, etc. I wish she would open her mind a bit on her own. It's just not going to happen.
-
65
Questions
by 2evil inok, this is my first post.
i'm 30 years old.
raised in "the truth" my whole life.
-
-
2evil
Actually, I have looked into the 607 issue before. I remember looking this up on the CD a few years ago and finding the explanation given plausable. I will research it again. The reason the generation change sticks out in my mind so much is that it was used so much in service while I was growing up. This put a timeframe to the time of the end and was used to show people the urgency of the times. It just had to change. They had no choice. From the little bit I read from Franz book (posted somewhere on Atlanta Journal Constitiution) I remember him wonder how and when they would deal with this. Inkie: What I mean by "not a good witness" is that I put in maybe 1-3 hours per month in service. Have for the last 10 years. I don't do personal study and religion in general really doesn't interest me that much. The bookstudy and watchtower are not so hard to follow that I have ever felt that I need to study them a head of time. I pick up on misapplication of scripture and the interwoven themes of organizational authority and loyalty every meeting. I was born into this and I'm just trying to keep my family together. I don't want to make any life ENDING decisions along the way.
-
65
Questions
by 2evil inok, this is my first post.
i'm 30 years old.
raised in "the truth" my whole life.
-
-
2evil
Narkissos, Your absolutely right. I obviously do have my own questions. I'm working on them. I actually first looked at this board 2 or 3 years ago. I would lurk for a week and then not come back (and try not to think about it) for a few months. I first stumbled across "appostate" material in 1994. This was also online. That stuff confirmed in my mind at the time that appostates were just plain crazy. It was about how the society "hides" images in their pictures and that kind of stuff. I don't think it was a coincidence that the X-files was a top show at the time ;-). Anyway, after the change in 1995 I thought about things a lot more. How convenient a change. When I'd express these thoughts to my wife she would just say "trust the pattern of helpful words" and "you know that the light will get brighter". These phrases are ingrained. Problem is that I love her. I love my kids and don't want to lose them or live in a house that is so divided. If it were just me the decision would be easy. One other funny note that I just remembered. Maybe a couple years ago when we had a sheparding call I said to one of the elders that I was having problems with the 1995 change. He looked confused. "Which change" he said. Thew generation change, the fact that 1914 really doesn't mean as much now. "Oh that, yeah...well the light des get brighter..." That was it. That was all he said and I never heard another word about it.
-
65
Questions
by 2evil inok, this is my first post.
i'm 30 years old.
raised in "the truth" my whole life.
-
-
2evil
Disappointment is reletive. I am a disappointment to my parents and wife in someways, but I don't feel overly bad about this. If the witness way was right, and I could convice myself of it I whole heartedly would be doing "what I should be". Problem is, I can't do that. I stopped feeling guilty a few months ago. It's not my fault I doubt them. It's the societies. I can't help that they promoted a fase teaching, which was a big hook used to generate interest, for 50+ years. I didn't make them do it.
-
65
Questions
by 2evil inok, this is my first post.
i'm 30 years old.
raised in "the truth" my whole life.
-
-
2evil
I have never read crisis of conscience, but have read a lot about it. I remember when all of this happened in the 80s (vaguly, I was only a kid) and I'm sure I will read it. When I can sneak it somehow. Is Ray Franz still alive? What gets me is do the governing body still believe that this is the chosen organization? Do the "higher ups" still believe? I wonder how carefully the internet traffic from bethel is watched. They should probably block this site. What is happening internally now? It's been 20+ years since Franz...
-
65
Questions
by 2evil inok, this is my first post.
i'm 30 years old.
raised in "the truth" my whole life.
-
-
2evil
Sorry I was so vague. Kind of a stream of consciousness type thing I guess. By signs I mean comments I've heard from elders: "boy things really come out in JC meetings" you can see the hs working. BTW, I forgot to mention that my parents have been in the truth forever. My dad is a PO in another state and my mother is one of the annointed. He was never a PO when I was growing up, but always an elder. I love him and he is probably the best human I've ever known.He wants to only do good and believes whole heartedly that he is. My parent know I have doubts and are very worried about me. I think the generation change shook them a little but as my dad always sys "where else would you go?". He says he "wouldn't feel comfortable anywhere else." I'm a low hour publisher who just doesn't buy it anymore. When you look at the scheme of things, I'm a big disappointment.
-
65
Questions
by 2evil inok, this is my first post.
i'm 30 years old.
raised in "the truth" my whole life.
-
-
2evil
OK, this is my first post. I'm 30 years old. Raised in "the truth" my whole life. I have ALWAYS had doubts. I'm very, very confused right now. Not sure about the organization. I believe in Jehovah. I belive the witnesses got a lot of things right. I don't believe in hellfire, the trinity, imortality of the human soul, etc. BUT, the generation change in 1995 hit me hard. I have never been a "strong" witness in my adult life. No one at work really knows I go to the hall, I rarely go in service, we rarely have a family study, etc. I am maried with two kids. My wife, also my age and also raised in the truth believes everything they say. She knows I have doubts and refuses to discuss these issues with me. I've gotten the "you sound like an apostate" comment on more than one occassion and she says that it kills her that she can never have what she wants since I'm so weak and can't get past my doubts. I love my family. I don't want to lose them. My wife would never look at this board, read "questionable" material or like I said, discuss any doubts. Like I said, I'm confused. I've heard so many experiences about the holy spirit working within various congregations, in elders meetings, in the ministry etc. I don't want to get this wrong and destroy my family's life or my children's chance for everlasting life. There are some things we can't deny: The preaching work is being accomplished. The organization cannot be stopped. Nearly every language is covered. Morales are in decay. Things have gone from bad to worse. Frankly, the NGO issue is minor in mind. They joined the public information office, NOT the UN. I think it's grasping. Sure their reason sounds weak but no credible alterier motive has been identified as far as I can see. The generation change, the biggest in my lifetime, is huge, however. I'd like to hear mostly from former elders. What made you SURE this was not the truth? Do you ever think you made the wrong choice? What about signs that the HS is working in the organization or congregation? Do certain experiences from the past bother you and make you reconsider your conclusions? What about COs or DOs? Have any of them left recently? Why or why not? You would think that they "see" more and would leave regularly. What about members of the writing commitee. Any of those left lately? Some brothers just seem so strong and inteligent. Makes me doubt that they could be so wrong. Sorry. I'm rambling...