Misfit,
I read this thread thinking it was current . I am so glad you went to a doctor and you are feeling better.
I recall in my 30's realizing one day I did not have one single opinion that did not start with " I'm one of Jw's and we don't believe that ( words to that affect) or more commonly " elder bro. so and so says this" . I had reached the breaking point with depression and was near suicide. A wonderful psychologist and meds saved my life initially followed by years of therapy. Btw, my mom also had a break down and had ect with serious memory loss and I wish she had given us up. My life might be different now.
I still believe in God ( and use Jehovah as if feels familiar) and do pray but it is more of a connection with a higher state than formal prayer. Sam Harris I think calls it mindfulness. I enjoy listening to him b/c he so rational. I know a book I read that helped me was this one
this is reading the Bible seriously but not literally. I don't pray for forgiveness either, I ask the people involved for their forgiveness . I try to do no harm and make some contribution to this world. I can't imagine what else a God would want from us anyhow.