Posts by Iforget

66

Question... Do JWs shun Family?

by Sassy in

i had a disagreement with xq in chat today, because he was trying to say that jws for the most part disobey the wts and still treat family like family even if they are dfd or quit being witnesses.. i don't feel that is true.

i think that the majority of us on here who no longer are jws have family members who no longer have anything to do with us and shun us.... so i said it would be interesting to take a poll and see how many here are treated just like all the rest of your 'loving family' who is a jw still.......are you treated the same?.

does family shun you for being df'd, da'd or no longer participating?or do they hide and talk to you but only when other active jws can't see?

Iforget

Do any of you think that growing up with conditonal love from pretty much everyone affected you as a adult? I have been pondering this question as of late. Is this why I don't form attachments easily? Is this why I can walk away from pretty much anyone and it doesn't bother me? Was I conditoned enough growing up that if you screw up you are not loved anymore? When I gave birth to my child it was the first time I truly understood just how screwed up it is to turn your back on your own flesh and blood. The love I have for him is more then I have for myself.

It would never matter to me what he did...he would never lose my love. He may lose my respect and need a good kick in the @ss once in a while but I would never NOT love him or care about his well being. Now he is only 8 so I can't say what I may do when he is 14 and mouthing off. My husband and I married 2 years ago after much trial on his part. I just had to be sure he wouldn't walk away if I screwed up or something didn't go just right.

Being shunned for those 5yrs did more damage to me then words will ever convey. I feel so terrible for anyone who is going thru this. It is so damaging to one's self esteem. Your own PARENTS???

Do any of you still get the familiar knots in your stomach? And how do you think you would feel towards your parents if you could have association with them again? I am so angry but I had lots and lots of therapy to help me learn to deal with it. I can't change the past and what their choices are but I can control my reaction and how I live my life. I digress though...I did go back. I did humble myself because having them in my life for however much time we are given on this earth was worth it. Walking away from the org was easy. Not from them.

12

Elder occupations

by Iforget in

jw
friends

my dad is an elder.

he is one of the most level headed compassionte men you will ever meet.

even though he never received a college education he was kind and understanding.

Iforget

That gives me hope that there are in fact brothers out there that try to do no harm. The elders I grew up with were always looking for a reason to get you in trouble and have a meeting.

I guess the frustration lies in brothers who in fact cause such great harm and do it thinking they know exactly what they are doing. A KM School or two and they think they have the answers to emotions and problems when in truth (pun intended) they have no clue.

It is what it is. The brothers now stay out of my way. I am angry and would go off and the end result would not change what happened to me. It might however...make me feel a little bit better. I have told my parents exactly what I think of their lack of protection. Ultimately the responsibility lies with parents. I would never in this lifetime allow anyone to harm my child.

20

The newest article on infertility

by DaCheech in

hey out there, back in the days when my wife and i was trying to have kids, we were worried and it took 1 1/2 years to conceive.. .

this latest wt or awake, (since right now i'm pissed): does nothing but bring out negative sides to every issue of fertility (or adoption) possibilities!.

i'm mad as heck!

Iforget

That is interesting...my sister who is active offered me her eggs. Doubt she knows the society stance on it. I have yet to read anything in regards to that.

66

Question... Do JWs shun Family?

by Sassy in

i had a disagreement with xq in chat today, because he was trying to say that jws for the most part disobey the wts and still treat family like family even if they are dfd or quit being witnesses.. i don't feel that is true.

i think that the majority of us on here who no longer are jws have family members who no longer have anything to do with us and shun us.... so i said it would be interesting to take a poll and see how many here are treated just like all the rest of your 'loving family' who is a jw still.......are you treated the same?.

does family shun you for being df'd, da'd or no longer participating?or do they hide and talk to you but only when other active jws can't see?

Iforget

BTW sorry I hit send too soon. Your stories all made me so sad. I am so sorry for all of you being shunned. Your pain is deep and so great.

66

Question... Do JWs shun Family?

by Sassy in

i had a disagreement with xq in chat today, because he was trying to say that jws for the most part disobey the wts and still treat family like family even if they are dfd or quit being witnesses.. i don't feel that is true.

i think that the majority of us on here who no longer are jws have family members who no longer have anything to do with us and shun us.... so i said it would be interesting to take a poll and see how many here are treated just like all the rest of your 'loving family' who is a jw still.......are you treated the same?.

does family shun you for being df'd, da'd or no longer participating?or do they hide and talk to you but only when other active jws can't see?

Iforget

When I was DF'd they had minimal contact with me. I am inactive and life is normal. Father is Elder Mother is Full Time Pioneer. Two sisters that are active and don't treat me differently. We just don't talk about it at all. It's the pink elephant in the middle of the room.

Have 2 brothers who are DF'd. One works in the family business and they have contact. Won't go beyond too much because they want to "help him see the way".

20

The newest article on infertility

by DaCheech in

hey out there, back in the days when my wife and i was trying to have kids, we were worried and it took 1 1/2 years to conceive.. .

this latest wt or awake, (since right now i'm pissed): does nothing but bring out negative sides to every issue of fertility (or adoption) possibilities!.

i'm mad as heck!

Iforget

Well I am trying very hard to keep a good attitude thru it all. I didn't actually read the article so I can't comment on if it was negative or not. Do you have a link to it?

Infertility is a very very sensitive subject. Sperm donation is not needed in our case...it's an egg issue. However we are considering egg donor. Wonder what their stance is on that.

Hubby was raised Catholic so has no issues with it. He thinks JW's are and I quote "weird".

20

The newest article on infertility

by DaCheech in

hey out there, back in the days when my wife and i was trying to have kids, we were worried and it took 1 1/2 years to conceive.. .

this latest wt or awake, (since right now i'm pissed): does nothing but bring out negative sides to every issue of fertility (or adoption) possibilities!.

i'm mad as heck!

Iforget

My mother just offered me the latest copy of that. I just went thru my 4th IVF and numerous IUI's. For those of us with infertility issues...WTFE. I told her I didn't need nor did I want it. They have no idea what they are pontificating on. I have the most up to date docs and a state of the art facility. I then pulled up my shirt and my sleeves to show her the bruises and needle marks on my belly and arms. It's no walk in the park and an "article" on it when things in this field change DAILY is offensive. 2 years 5 shots a day and countless sonograms and doctors that spend their every waking EDUCATED lives working on this..and they want to tell me what they think!!!

There is nothing in there but useless mumbo jumbo and I told her as much. Sorry to be so hormonal but the last IVF failed again so I am a little on the touchy side when it comes to this. Unless you have even dipped your little toe into my shoes...get out of the way.

Peace out....also that is why I use the name Iforget. The drugs affect your cognitive memory. Reaching for words that you know but just can't quite remember.

12

Elder occupations

by Iforget in

jw
friends

my dad is an elder.

he is one of the most level headed compassionte men you will ever meet.

even though he never received a college education he was kind and understanding.

Iforget

My dad is an elder. He is one of the most level headed compassionte men you will ever meet. Even though he never received a college education he was kind and understanding. Anytime one of my friends did anything wrong they always hoped for my dad to be on the comittee. Now for the rest of any that I have ever delt with save one or two...idiots. No formal education and all were either farmers/car sales/janitors and my favorite 3 that worked on the railroad. I loved that when I was going thru my divorce and really struggling they could only offer stupid advice (the worst vice is advice) when what I needed was someone who understood and could offer help.

What were your elder occupations? What if any education did they have to really and truly help someone who was hurting. This is such a sore point with me. Bastards....let me dangle in the wind when my brother in law did what he did. And then to accuse me of flirting with the prick. On top of it...my sister stayed married to the jerk and my mother didn't believe me. Only my father did anything to help and he had to force the other elders to do something. Oh yeah I forgot...those other elders were my brother in law's Uncles.

36

what is the weirdest counsel you ever received?

by nb-dfed in

jw
friends

my husband and i had a committee meeting because of underage drinking.

when he was being counseled, the p.o.

told my husband that he needed to make me wear different clothes to the meeting because it made some of the brothers unable to concentrate.

Iforget

Two instances come to mind....

One when I was 12 and had been molested by my brother-in-law. They asked me in the comittee meeting if perhaps I had flirted with him to cause it.

Two when brothers met with me about my now ex husband. One elder told me that I should dress differently because I was "too pretty" and that I wasn't humble enough.

This from janitors and car salesmen. RIIIIGHT.

14

It WORKED!

by Iforget in

jw
friends

i found this site by accident while looking for something on the computer for my son.

i have been trying to log on but couldn't seem to get a password.

today i thought...hmm wonder if my spam folder caugh it.

Iforget

I found this site by accident while looking for something on the computer for my son. I have been trying to log on but couldn't seem to get a password. Today I thought...hmm wonder if my spam folder caugh it. It HAD!

I have been reading these posts and a lot of times I get to the point of tears. I AM NOT ALONE. Raised in the truth father is an Elder and mom is full time Pioneer. Have been inactive for many years after lowering myself to be reinstated from being DF'd for 5. I missed my family.

You all give me hope. The cereal posts cracked me up...the thoughts the concerns...the walks down memory lane all jog memories. It was hard way to grow up but in the end has made me tolerant and strong. We were all held to a higher example being Elder's children.

Mom came to visit just the other day. She gets pretty excited about it because I have shut her out for the most part. A lot of pioneer school speak fell out of her mouth. She brought me the magazines. I can't even look at her because I just want to scream. It is what it is and they are content in their small world. I can accept that they did the best they could with what they had. No education makes for easy sheep.

Anyway....thanks for making me feel "normal"