Dear Funkyderek,
I believe the Bible is inspired because I personally have a power guiding my life right right now that I can only credit to the Holy Spirit. I have always believed there was "a God" and I wanted to be "good" in front of Him. I did good, ask anybody. I prayed regularIy, even taught children about God. God saw me but I never knew Him. I had been thinking about what kind of love it would take to actually quit smoking. I have smoked forever, my boyfriend doesn't, and loaths it. (he can't hide the fact that he loaths me when I smoke) Anyway while I was wondering how I could quit smoking for him, I couldn't ignore the "problem" that he has had forever. ( this problem has been eroding our relationship and my self esteem since I found out about it) It would take a powerful love for me to overlook his "problem" and quit smoking for him. I could not do it, for that matter I didn't even want to. I asked God to help me and if it was His will that I learn this kind of love then could He please help me. God, let your will be done in my life. (Just to note this was not the first time that I had asked this of God but it was the first time I really, really meant it) Well, God changed the topic running in my mind faster than I could say pardon, He said, "You left your gift on the alter before you settled with your brother." I knew instantly what He meant. How Did I know, My entire life flashed before my eyes starting now and working back. I was baptised,( very moving experience for me and my best friend, we were baptised together) before I devulged to my ex-husband a lie that I told him. Not just any lie, but the first lie that I told that would take me from a child into the adult world that I was taking myself.
I was 17 and I fooled around on him once, got pregnant and I decided that "Mike" would be able to support me and my baby better than the real father, who was just a boy. I made the decision to lie and say that the baby was "Mike's". I told this lie to him and everyone else for the next twenty years. By then It was accepted, not even "told" anymore. I certainly didn't think about it past is past right. I figured God must have forgiven me, I had asked him too from time to time throughout the years. If no one else does God always will, right?
I was shown that, because of my fear of having my "life," my selfish, lying, self... revealed to all that were close to me, all those I professed to love, because of my fear of being exposed and the lack of forgiveness that I expected were my wages. I hadn't even said a word to anyone but God. I hadn't asked for forgiveness from the very people that I had lied to.
I had to admit my lie to many people. I knew which ones God wanted me to speak to and I have told them and asked for forgiveness. My best friend was the first one I told, she stood up with me at my wedding. I told my son, he said he doesn't believe me, but he hasn't spoken to me since. I told everyone that God told me to tell, except my first husband. I will tell him because it is daily pressing on my heart, it makes me physically sick to think about asking him for forgiveness. I say asking him for foregiveness because he suspected from the beginning that the baby might not be his. I swore that it was, end of debate as far as I was concerned. I know God will help me when I go to speak with "Mike" I am hoping that my best friend will be able to accompany me as well. Did I mention why it is so hard for me to as "Mike" for forgiveness. I believe "Mike" is where he is at directly because of that lie.
"Mike" lived with his aging mother and raised my son after the marriage ended. One Fathers Day, not too long ago, "Mike" shot his mother in the head 3 times before trying to take his own life.
I asked God to do His will in my life and I was spept along on this new course. I personally didn't feel that I needed this upset in my life. I now see how I personally did need this upset in my life in order to live in the spirit of God's love. A simple lie can change everything, even if you don't see that it can on first inspection. If I want God's forgiveness and I want him to accept the gift of my life of service to Him. I have to righteously own up to my lie regardless of my fear. I have come to see that I should have more fear of Him that can kill the spirit, than one that can kill the flesh.
I am not coming up with this off the top of my head. There is a force at work in me helping me to see where I am wrong, and leading me to fix it. I never would have seen the consequences myself, and I never would have left myself open to the wages I have earned. People that know me see for themselves that there is something that is different. BTW my boyfriend (agnostic) thinks I went crazy for 2 days and wont accept any other reason for my confession.
This power, of and from God, now helps me to walk in righteousness before Him. I had the knowledge about God throughout my life, now that I actually know that God knows me I have been given the power to use that knowledge to walk in his ways. I never could have or would have or did before in the truest sense. That is why I can say.... GOD IS! and therefore the Bible that introduced me to Him is.
please excuse spelling mistakes etc.
love michelle
p.s. Is my life, as people see it, any better? Hell no, one might say it is worse, my son is gone from me. I do however feel like I am being comforted.
Is my life , as God sees it, any better? Yes! better every day. Thank you Jesus.
p.p.s. I have now experienced the love that I need to have, in order to quit smoking, that love is not inherently in me, I have to go to God to receive the love that is needed for me to quit smoking.
