Posts by jwgirlfriend

41

Summer pictures

by jwbot in

jw
friends

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well summer is almost over...i only have a week left before school starts.. i put together this small collection of my best summer photographs to share with everyone:.

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Those pictures are amazing. I am in Florida and it will be summer here for quite a while. I love it up north, especially the New England area. Thanks for posting all those great photos. We were just hit by the hurricane, so we are lacking a bit on the beautiful scenery.

24

Question - Daughter

by breeze in

jw
friends

if your 31 year old daughter that lives in your house locked the door to her bedroom with her boy friend inside what would you do???

this same guy is the father of her son, and pays no child support ......and rarely visits.......... is she too old to scold????

would you knock on the door??

jwgirlfriend

Although I got on here for help for myself, this topic caught my attention. I am amazed that your daughter who is 31 and has a college degree is not only living with you, but totally disrespecting your home. I am 30, single, and have lived on my own for 10 years now. I won't even live with a man in my own house b/c it would go against everything my father believes and would be so upsetting to him. My sister is 20 and lives at home with my parents. She isn't working or helping out with the bills and this angers me daily. If she were bringing her boyfriend in the house and having sex with him, I would go over there and kick her out myself. I am not sure if you daughter is helping with expenses, but even if she is, she should follow your rules and be adult enough to respect them.

I know you love your daughter and want to help her, but like I tell my parents- allowing them to do whatever they want isn't really helping them. In my opinion, you are allowing her to disrespect you by allowing her to live in the house and not follow your rules. Why would she change? This is a question I ask my parents everyday. I love my sister, but she darn well better respect my parents.

I guess I didn't really help, but I just want you to know you that someone your daughter's age believes wholeheartedly that you deserve to be respected. I hope you do have that talk with her and things work out for the best.

55

Dating a JW when you are not

by jwgirlfriend in

i am dating a man who is a jw and i am not.

i attend a nondenominational church.

i found out from a mutual friend of ours, two months after my boyfriend and i had met, that he was a jw.

jwgirlfriend

Thank you Scully and MyAuntFanny for your information and support.

I can recognize when I am wanted solely for sex, and I know this is not the case here. We have had a relationship for almost a year now. This man didn?t even kiss me for two months we were dating. It was all hugs. He is a true gentleman (and this was a wonderful change from the norm). After reading your posts, I realize that also may be due to how he was raised as a JW.

I do love him. He is a good man. I agree he has flaws, as do I. His may be a bit more serious, though. I have called him and his family hypocrites on quite a few occasions for several reasons; one of them being his ability to have sex, yet not to attend a party. It led to a lot of hurt and insults that I cannot take back. I have to admit I am not the most tactful when I am angry. I believe he truly is confused and I think there is a lot of guilt going on inside. His has been experiencing a lot of stress and family issues lately, and I think he feels it?s because he isn?t doing what he is supposed to in the eyes of God. He has been trying to be a ?better? person, which does concern me a little. I will have to learn quickly, how to approach the topic without getting angry or always trying to prove that I am right.

JWbot, you provided me with some wonderful suggestions. (and yes I was and still am VERY HURT). I realize I am going to have extremely specific when we discuss our future and children. I haven?t seen him since my birthday. I?ve spent time with my family and inside am holding a bit of a grudge for him not even calling me in regards to it. As for these demon stories, I am curious about them. He won?t watch anything slightly close to scary with me

55

Dating a JW when you are not

by jwgirlfriend in

i am dating a man who is a jw and i am not.

i attend a nondenominational church.

i found out from a mutual friend of ours, two months after my boyfriend and i had met, that he was a jw.

jwgirlfriend

XQsThaiPoes

Yes, that was a bit rough, but I am asking for comments- so thank you.

Can they really attend birthdays? Do people do this? Wouldn't that fight everything they believe? I've always thought it's about whats in your heart, not where you are or what others around you are doing. I guess I just can't find a middle ground and that was what I was hoping for. In his defense however, he is not the type to just "give up" on his family. He took his divorce hard and is a very active father. But I too, have felt he chooses to follow what he agrees with, and ignore what he doesn't. The only problem I have here is- that isn't that what most of us do in our faiths? God knows I am not perfect and there are some "sins" I feel more comfortable committing than others. It is hard for me to feel I have a solid leg to stand on when I tell him that.

Thanks

55

Dating a JW when you are not

by jwgirlfriend in

i am dating a man who is a jw and i am not.

i attend a nondenominational church.

i found out from a mutual friend of ours, two months after my boyfriend and i had met, that he was a jw.

jwgirlfriend

Yes, all his best friends know (they are not JW). His family knows(they are- and quite serious about being JW in my opinion). I spend a lot of time with his family. His was married to a non JW for many years. He says the differences in faiths were never a problem for them. Yes, when I was introduced to anyone at Memorial it was as his girlfriend.

No, we are not living together, but uh yes, we have been intimate.

I have never felt he wanted to keep our relationship a secret at all. He has only been to service, however, about 5 times that I know of since we have been dating in the past year. He works a lot. I don't know if this is why he hasn't gone or not. His family attends very regularly.

Your children will be taught that only the JWs have the "right" religion. All others are controlled by Satan. And if you go to one of those churches then YOU are controlled by Satan.

Even if he never went to another meeting as long as he still believes it in his head he will be controlled by it and will refuse to participate in things or do them with a lot of guilt. It makes for a very unhappy person and a very miserable life.

Thank you for your comments. It is all a bit confusing because there is so much that he doesn't do as a typical JW, however, as you said -he has been told all of these things since birth. I don't think he would ever really feel comfortable attending anything close to a celebration with me. He certainly belives these things are wrong. He said when he became an adult he researched his beliefs and felt they were correct. YET, as per what I have read a lot on here, I find it impossible to believe that he read any true contridicting literature. When I presented him with some things I read on websites, he felt I was attacking him and his faith by reading mostly negative stuff. I don't want to attack his faith. At least he has one and loves God. And I am not trying to persuade him that mine is "better." (Although I may come across that way at times) I just wish he didn't find so many things as being "bad". I try to find any positive and work with it - but for me, it is hard to find a lot. I find it so hard to believe that God doesn't want us to celebrate life in all the different ways we do today. God knows when I celebrate, it is about the blessings I have been given in family and friends.

I don't want to change him totally, but I guess I wish he would do somethings with me. Now, I realize I don't have much of a chance of him doing that. I love this man truly. I wish there were a way I could talk to him without sounding like I am attacking him.

Thanks

55

Dating a JW when you are not

by jwgirlfriend in

i am dating a man who is a jw and i am not.

i attend a nondenominational church.

i found out from a mutual friend of ours, two months after my boyfriend and i had met, that he was a jw.

jwgirlfriend

Blondie, is it really that bad? I am sure you wouldn't lie. I just had hoped that it would be possible.

55

Dating a JW when you are not

by jwgirlfriend in

i am dating a man who is a jw and i am not.

i attend a nondenominational church.

i found out from a mutual friend of ours, two months after my boyfriend and i had met, that he was a jw.

jwgirlfriend

Joker, that is exactly what I thought in the beginning. But now it seems he is trying to be a "better" person. Which is why he feels it would be bad to go to dinner with me and my friends for my birthday. I also felt he had some doubts when he wasn't the one who told me he is a JW. I was at church with a mutual friend of ours( at the time my boyfriend and I had been dating for a little over a month-not seriously yet) and asked her if he went to church. This was a week before Christmas. We were talking around Thanksgiving and I had asked him to visit us on Christmas. He never gave me that as a reason why he wasn't attending.

I have told him how I felt. He gets angry with me because he thinks I will be mad at our future children if they choose to follow his beliefs. But there is so much guilt in this faith- I am afraid a child would feel so much pressure and be afraid to offend God.

I've been around him when he is with his daughter and he will "joke"(as he calls it) about her going to birthday parties when she isn't around him. I find this very disturbing, but he says it is just joking and he tells his daughter whatever she does is between her and God. Don't get me wrong, his is an excellent, loving father. I am just afraid a lifetime of training in this faith has affected some of his abilities to distinguish between reality and how he wants it to be.

55

Dating a JW when you are not

by jwgirlfriend in

i am dating a man who is a jw and i am not.

i attend a nondenominational church.

i found out from a mutual friend of ours, two months after my boyfriend and i had met, that he was a jw.

jwgirlfriend

I attended the Memorial service with him. It was different than the type of service I am used to, but I know the Memorial isn't a "typical" JW service. You are right. I didn't think about attending a service to learn more about how they are.

No you haven't scared me away. You all have been very helpful and kind.I am so thankful for that. I was apprehensive about posting because I wasn't sure if everyone would be so nice.

I will definitely ask him these questions. We have spoken about the blood transfusions which terrifies me! (My father had a heart attack on June 16 and has been in a coma ever since. He has had 3 blood transfusions since that day. I always think about how my boyfriend wouldn't take blood to save his life. It saddens me.) In regards to blood, my boyfriend says he would respect my wishes, but that I should respect his. I would do my best to honor his wish of not receiving blood, but if it were our child- I would fight to the finish.

We've been really stressed lately because he is working so much. I will try to find a good time to ask. Has it been difficult for

55

Dating a JW when you are not

by jwgirlfriend in

i am dating a man who is a jw and i am not.

i attend a nondenominational church.

i found out from a mutual friend of ours, two months after my boyfriend and i had met, that he was a jw.

jwgirlfriend

Thank you for your information so far. It is at least comforting to hear there are other people out there living the life i may be entering. I agree me mentioning "my" children is very selfish. They will not be my children, but our children. He is a wonderful man and would help to instill some very wonderful morals in "our" children. I have no problem with "our" children experiencing both of our worlds. I am just afraid that attending service with their father (which I have no problem attending myself to show my support) may lead to them believing their mother and her family are bad people for celebrating their love for each other on birthdays and holidays. I am a latina, so our my celebration on Christmas Eve where my family gets together and eats a big meal is something that I enjoy even more than actual Christmas day. I would be a liar if I said I wouldn't miss him dearly that night.

I have a big issue with the fact that compromising to him is the fact that will be accepting that I will be celebrating these things and my kids will be exposed to them. I do wish he would attend a church service with me, even if it were only a few times a year- OR EVEN ONCE.

Is it really awful to do these things with me? I really need to know. Is he truly acting against God by going to dinner with me on my birthday or going to my parents house when a Christmas tree is up? Would it have been a sin to call me on my birthday and say "how is your bday going?" I will be reading all of your suggested links.

55

Dating a JW when you are not

by jwgirlfriend in

i am dating a man who is a jw and i am not.

i attend a nondenominational church.

i found out from a mutual friend of ours, two months after my boyfriend and i had met, that he was a jw.

jwgirlfriend

I am dating a man who is a JW and I am not. I attend a nondenominational church. I have never been baptized, but I do believe in God, Jesus, and do my best to study the bible and attend church. I found out from a mutual friend of ours, two months after my boyfriend and I had met, that he was a JW. Prior to him I have never been close to a JW. When I found out I asked him about it and he said "Yes, I am, but not practicing." Well, apparently his reason for saying he is not practicing is because he isn't perfect, but he has been raised as a JW and all beliefs are ingrained. I have read so much information and been to so many sites. When I asked him questions he was supportive and answered, until he saw that i was reading lots of criticizing information on the web. I want to be supportive and respectful of his faith,but I am having a hard time. There are things I read that he says he never heard of. At times I felt I knew more about his religion than him due to my research. I love him dearly and he loves me. I have felt more love from him than I ever have by a boyfriend. He does not expect me to convert. We have made this clear.

He was married for 8 years to a non JW. He has a 13 year old child with this person. His child lives with his ex. The child is being raised in two worlds. She attends service on occasion with her JW grandma, and when he goes, with her dad. He assured me that in his past marriage this was not an issue. The reason they divorced had nothing to do with religion. He worked a lot and they grew apart (which is causing issues for us as well). His ex celebrated holidays with her family and he didn't attend. He said I may not have him for those 4 or 5 days that are holidays, but I would have him for the remaining 361 or 360. I love him. We have our difficulties that any relationship has, but I am worried about marrying him and raising kids with this man. He says we will tell our children both of our views, and they can celebrate holidays with me. But if they chose not to do so, I need to respect it. I have no problem with my child making a decision like this based on facts they are presented, but I do have issues with my child(ren) believing their mom is a bad person becasue she does these things. I want to give them parties and celebrations with family so they will know the importance of family that I grew up with.

My family is very big on holidays. It is important time for us to be together and celebrate our love for one another. Yesterday was my 30 birthday. I knew he wasn't going to "celebrate" it with me, but I didn't even get a call to see how my day was going. It was hurtful. When I met him we were both out with a mutual friend for her birthday at a club. We were all invited b/c it was her birthday. I asked him if he would go eat with my friends next week (it will be a get together for my birthday but no cake no singing, just friends going out to eat). He said no. When I asked him why he did this for our friend 10 months ago, he said he was making mistakes and now he is trying to be better and since I am his girlfriend - I should understand. That really upset me. I can understand him not attending, I just don't like that he did it for others.

I know I am giving out a lot of information. Forgive me. I just saw how helpful all of you are and I needed to vent with some people who understand. Will this work? Are there any good stories out there? Or am I doomed to a life of difficulties? His family has no problem with him marrying me. His brother is an elder and is married to a non JW (although she may "play" the part at times). I don't want to be condemning of his religion. He is a good man who loves God and that is what I have been praying for. I just want to know if it will work. You hear stories about people from Catholics and Jewish faiths marrying and compromising on their beliefs- celebrating the best of both worlds and teaching their children both religions. However, it seems that when you are a JW, there is no compromising. You just don't do any of those things. And it seems if you are not a JW, then when you celebrate holidays or attend a church- you are doing bad things, since they are looked down upon. I find myself being very defensive at times because I feel, since I am celebrating my birthday or buying a Christmas decoration- he thinks it bad, so therefore I must be bad. I don't want my children to think I am bad. Please help.