Eventually the pain of living this miserable life becomes greater than the anticipated pain of being true to yourself. So you do it. You speak out, you blow your cover, shed the layers of actors makeup and emerge naked as the "bastard".
Jst2Laws,
I see that you too, are a graduate from the Academy of Desperation and Desolation .
Back to exactly to one half of my life, back to the winter of seven years before 1975, the winter the severity of which had not been seen since seven years before 1914, I was living alone in a comfortable country cottage. For quite some days all I could do was lay on my bed with my face towards the wall and everything was black, black, black. Out of that vacant thoughtless darkness, the unsolicited thought arose, you are not totally at fault for the state you are in. At that point a flood of information overwhelmed my mind. The conviction came that I had been enslaved under the commandment of Pharoah: make more bricks, make more bricks and find your own god-damn straw.
Eventually I was led to speak out, you blow your cover.
The words from the quote above, naked as a bastard, remind me of another text from Ezechiel that went through my mind at that period of my life. Although the text refers to Jerusalem, the collective, I could identify with it.
When you were born, no one cared about you. Your umbilical cord was left uncut, and you were never washed, rubbed with salt, and dressed in warm clothing.
No one had the slightest interest in you; no one pitied you or cared for you. On the day you were born, you were dumped in a field and left to die, unwanted
"But I came by and saw you there, helplessly kicking about in your own blood. As you lay there, I said, `Live!'
And I helped you to thrive like a plant in the field. Ezekiel 16:4-7
Alone, Alone, tell me about it. After I started to speak out, I was marked and hounded, pursued, and questioned. The circuit servants at that time had a bounty on my head. David Splane was one of them. Finally in a sting operation, I voluntarily gave the sting operaters the grounds to boot me out.
Thrown out in the field, as a newborn along with “mothers” afterbirth. For me the afterbirth was the mind set of the organization that that threw me out in the field to die there was still traces of this mindset still clinging to me for a certain time until finally I became cleansed from it.
And I helped you to thrive like a plant in the field. After two years of loneliness, a friend, a dear friend, who had told me at one time that when I got disfellowshipped, (which was a certaintiy), she would not be able to communicate with me, wrote me a letter and since then we’ve made a life together along with our two stalwart sons who are now in their twenties.
My wife during years of our isolation, from her family and friends, questioned me often, where are the many who have been promised to those who left family and friends for His name?
They have arrived, the overwhelming and surprising evidence is displayed on this forum,
Belbab, with gratitude.