Czar, that was just nasty (but funny in a Steven King sort of way).
Ok.
Last year my brother was racing in the National 100 dirt track races in Alabama and I drove over to watch. That trip reminded me of how rich Alabama can be in humor.
At its own expense of course.
One of the guys at the racetrack, formerly a native of Alabama, had moved to Georgia. Seems he'd read somewhere that most accidents occur within 5 miles of home.
I noticed that all of the later model vehicles in the parking lot there had the headlight dimmer switches installed on the floorboards like old cars used to have. Later I found out that was because the Alabama Dept. of Public Safety had made manufacturers do that because too many Alabama residents were getting their feet caught in their steering wheels.
One of the billboards I saw once I crossed the state line said "Can't read? Want to learn?"
On the way home, I stopped at a little bar for a couple of beers. After a few drinks, I let an Alabama joke slip. This big old redneck came up behind me in a pretty foul mood and challenged me on my views of Alabama. I was cornered for real. I was at the end of the bar, with a literal wall on my right and a wall of a man on my left. So I put my right hand against the wall, palm up, and told "Bubba" to hit it as hard as he could. Bubba, ever the quick thinker, took his shot. I pulled my hand out of the way at the last millisecond and his fist went right through the wall. I patted him on the back, said "that's why", and then out of my love for my fellow 'necks bought a round for him and his buddies. I finished off my beer and watched as he sat back down, hand bloodied and broken, with his 'neck buddies. "Bubba, what happened?" they said. Bubba, ever the quick thinker, stood back up and announced "this is why he tells them there jokes y'all". He then held his good hand in front of his face and said "now one of y'all hit my hand as hard as you can"......
Don't get me wrong here folks. I certainly don't mean to denigrate folks from Alabama (for those of you from Alabama, denigrate means to put down.)
Mike, ducking and running for cover as the board's Alabama residents come a-looking for him. (now hit my hand as hard as you can...)