Bendrr

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Posts by Bendrr

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  3

  The Ford Excursion Space Shuttle

  by Bendrr in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i was doing an alignment on a ford excursion the other day and had decades of laughs dumped freely in my lap, so why not share?.

  now i know what you're thinking.

  "ford excursion" .

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  Bendrr

  I was doing an alignment on a Ford Excursion the other day and had decades of laughs dumped freely in my lap, so why not share?
  
  Now I know what you're thinking. What could possibly be even remotely funny about doing an alignment on a Ford Excursion? And you're right. It's a real stretch. If you're not a tech struggling with the wheels and tie rods of this behemoth, chances are you'll find something else to laugh about and I don't blame you. I hate Excursions. I hate the people who drive them. If the owner is a man, I call it overcompensation. If the owner is a woman, I call her a [nasty name]. Either way, I called it pretty damn close to home. They can't [freakin'] drive. They either tailgate or go too slow in the fast lane. Or worse, they alternate between the two and really piss everyone else off. A cell phone is required equipment for any of those annoying driving habits, but that's obvious so I won't dwell on it.

  (however if you happen to be a member of the board and you're reading this, don't take it personally. I hate everybody equally)
  
  Anyways...
  
  I've got this Excursion on the alignment rack. After waiting for my tired old Hunter lift to overcome its own weight and then weakly raise Ford's pointless pipeline of dollars to Saudi Arabia, I finally got the wheels raised and started comping the heads.
  
  (that means I mounted sensors on the wheels and spun each around to get the alignment measurements....aw hell, why do I bother?!)
  
  At this point, my manager came over to look at the screen and found a sea of green. Green is good if you're a customer; red means "out of specifications", green means "in specs". Red means money for us, so he said "I can't believe it's sitting at that toe, it's been two years since we aligned it!"
  
  Well, I can believe it with a Ford Excursion, even with some dumbass soccer mom at the wheel. That's what they built the damn things for! So I play along with what I know will come next. (Joel: "make it look like it's out" Me: "ok Joel, bump the wheel a little"....that's my Nuremburg defense)
  
  I say "Joel, it's a bulletproof suspension. It's what they use on the Space Shuttle!"
  
  Bump the wheels out of specs a little and look the other way.
  
  A few seconds later, Joel says, and I quote verbatim:
  
  "Do they really use this on the space shuttle?"
  
  Let me repeat that:
  
  "DO THEY REALLY USE THIS ON THE SPACE SHUTTLE?"
  
  It was all I could do to keep from smacking him upside the head.
  
  No you f--king idiot! They don't use Ford Excursion front-ends on the f--king space shuttle! It's big, but it ain't that big!
  
  Yes friends, he asked that question in absolute seriousness.
  
  Needless to say, those words haunt him for years to come. Yer old buddy Bendrr just can't let something like that slide.
  
  "Space Shuttle......"
  
  I don't know what else to say. I was almost at a loss for words.
  
  "Ford Excursion"
  
  "Space Shuttle"
  
  Yep, somebody's life is gonna be hell over that innocent question!
  
  Mike.

  p.s. "space shuttle"
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  81

  The Second Amendment

  by Englishman in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i like guns.

  i like the feel of them.

  i like the fine engineering too.

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  Bendrr

  And here's another tidbit for y'all to chew on.

  You might as well go ahead and disparage cops in Georgia along with us "rednecks".

  Every time I've been pulled over, I of course told the cop that I was armed and presented my firearms license. Their procedure is to unload the weapon, and they always have. But after checking my license, EVERY SINGLE TIME, the cop has reloaded my weapon, including a round in the chamber, and handed it back to me.

  Gee! Let's think about that, shall we? They didn't have to put the magazine back in, did they? And they certainly didn't have to chamber a round, did they? You'd think I'd be handed the gun and ammo separately. But the cop has always put the mag back in, chambered a round, carefully dropped the hammer, and handed it to me. Handed it to me holding it by the barrel so that I would take it by the grip.

  That to me speaks volumes of what law enforcement thinks of armed citizens. And that to me carries a hell of a lot more credibility than anything the anti-gun crowd has to say.

  Mike.
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  81

  The Second Amendment

  by Englishman in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i like guns.

  i like the feel of them.

  i like the fine engineering too.

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  Bendrr

  All the scary scenarios we hear about home invasion, robbery, rape, etc. are contrived to make us feel fearful and, out of that fear, turn to weapons to solve our crisis of courage.

  I can't believe what I'm reading!
  

  Home invasions, robberies, rapes, carjackings, et al are very real and very deadly.

  Making the choice to arm oneself legally to defend life and property is no "crisis of courage", and I should add that that's about the stupidest phrase I've ever heard in the whole gun debate.

  Criminals commiting a home invasion or robbery or any other crime are going to start out with the advantage over their victims, be it suprise, superior numbers, or the criminal(s) being armed themselves. Legally obtaining firearms, being properly licensed and trained, a gun owner has not only evened the odds but has given him or herself an advantage as well.
  

  Once you allow that option your odds of having somebody die around you go up dramatically.

  You're making too much of an assumption. I have two nephews, ages 11 and 6. My pistol and shotgun are loaded and within reach when they visit. They won't touch the guns. They will actually refuse to touch the guns until I -- and only I -- unload them and show them an empty chamber. And even then, they handle the guns as if they still might discharge. I already know what your response to that is going to be, and believe me when I tell you, I'm going to shoot it down. (pardon the pun) The only odds of having somebody die around me that have gone up since I first armed myself in 1992 have been the odds that someone out to cause me harm would be met with lethal force. That's something the law allows and something I'm prepared to do if necessary.

  I have drawn my gun 3 times to protect myself and property. Fortunately, no lives were lost, but also there was no crime commited.

  Let me pose you this question that no gun-hater has ever been able to answer for me.

  On one of those occasions, I was a pizza delivery driver. I kept my .45 within reach while on deliveries, especially considering that we'd had a rash of robberies of drivers at the time. While driving to one delivery at night, a carload of individuals began chasing me. It wasn't road rage, I hadn't cut them off or anything, they pulled out of a parking lot to chase me. They knew I was a driver, as I had a lighted sign on my car. (that was the last time I used that sign, btw) They chased me for 2-3 miles, literally bumper-to-bumper. I swerved into a parking lot, spun the car around and got out. They came speeding up ready to jump out; their car doors were already opening. I had my car between me and them when I stopped, and when I saw the doors opening, I pulled out my .45 and aimed it at them. The driver immediately stopped, the doors closed again, and they turned and raced away.

  Now, here comes the question for you.

  Had I been unarmed, at some point someone was going to rob me. Can you and your anti-self-defense friends garantee me that if I don't use a gun to resist crimes against myself or property, that if I just give them what they want, I will be completely unharmed. I mean not even one little bruise, let alone getting shot or stabbed.

  I'd really like to know your answer to that.

  What really pisses me off is how the left sheds more tears over a criminal who dies while trying to harm some armed victim than they do over what happens to unarmed victims who don't resist.

  Mike.
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  81

  The Second Amendment

  by Englishman in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i like guns.

  i like the feel of them.

  i like the fine engineering too.

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  Bendrr

  Bendrr

  If your argument made any sense whatesoever then your gun-toting citizens would ensure a safe and peaceful society. The fact that your society is one of the least likely to be descibed that way tends to suggest that having "lots of guns" about makes things better, not worse.

  Where guns are illegal, they're still in use. Same with drugs and everything else. Crack cocaine is illegal but I'd bet you I could go get some within the next half hour. A lot of good that ban did, right?

  So the answer is to legalise everything is it?! Give up? Duh?!? Maybe you just live in a naff neighbourhood or you are just proving my point about American society and how allowing armed civilians doesn't stop crime but makes it easier. Common sense. We have it, you don't.

  There's a saying here in the U.S., "when guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns" and it is so true.

  I won't tell you the sayings we have here in the U.K. ... about Americans

  Oh go ahead and tell me, I could trump all of the sayings with one reply: "we've been called worse by better!" Not that I would, of course. My argument does make sense. What doesn't make sense is your statement that our "society is one of the least likely to be described [as safe and peaceful]." That's absurd! Armed citizens do indeed stop crimes from occuring and armed potential victims do indeed make crime more difficult for the evildoers. And no, the answer is not to legalise everything. That was never my point. My point was (and is) that no matter what you make illegal, the criminals will still get it and use it, be it drugs, guns, whatever. Yes there is a real and dangerous problem with gun crime. No one is debating that. However the answer is not to disarm law-abiding citizens because legal gun owners aren't the problem. Mike.
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  81

  The Second Amendment

  by Englishman in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i like guns.

  i like the feel of them.

  i like the fine engineering too.

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  Bendrr

  BTW, I'll give up my guns when Ted Kennedy gives up his driver's license!

  Mike.
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  81

  The Second Amendment

  by Englishman in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i like guns.

  i like the feel of them.

  i like the fine engineering too.

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  Bendrr

  It was never meant to mean that some red-neck can own assault riffles and carry consealed weapons

  Simon, I really have to disagree with you. And I take exception to your generalization, "some redneck can own assault rifles and carry concealed weapons".

  First off, a true assault rifle is not something a common "redneck" such as myself could ever afford to buy. Take a look at this link:

  http://www.impactguns.com/store/machineguns.html

  $175,000 for a machine gun. A machine gun made by Fabrique Nationale. Dude! It's French!

  A true assault rifle, for those who by now still don't know, is one that fires more than one round per pull of the trigger. They're not cheap Saturday Night Specials. I remember reading some statistics once about the miniscule percentage of legally owned full-auto/select-fire's used in crimes and it's almost nil.

  Concealed weapons. What would you prefer? That we who are armed go about our day with our guns carried openly on our hips? You and I both know that ain't gonna work. I'll let you in on something. When you were over in the U.S. a couple of years ago for that apostafest in Florida, and you were out in public, you may very well have stood in line next to someone carrying a concealed weapon.

  I'm all for allowing concealed carry. Properly licensed and trained citizens armed to defend themselves and others when the police aren't around but immediate danger is are the people I want around me, not someone who will whine about how we need more gun control when some jackass pulls off an armed robbery or goes on a shooting rampage.

  I look at your gun control laws this way. Taking away everyone's guns because a very small minority of the population is hell-bent on their misuse is a grade-school solution to an adult problem. Your government telling you and E-Man that you can't have guns because someone else misused guns.

  If someone breaks into your home one night or tries to rob you on the street, what are you gonna do? Do you think for one second that criminals will follow your gun control laws? "Right then, at least he doesn't have a gun because they're illegal so I'll use my fists or a club and we'll be even". Come on Simon! You're smarter than that!

  There's a saying here in the U.S., "when guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns" and it is so true. Where guns are illegal, they're still in use. Same with drugs and everything else. Crack cocaine is illegal but I'd bet you I could go get some within the next half hour. A lot of good that ban did, right?

  Honestly, you'd do better criticizing your own country's gun laws. We'll get the straw out of our own eye, thank you very much!

  Mike.
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  45

  So What Do You Think Of The New Airbus A380?

  by Englishman in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  looks a real stunner imho.

  22 wheels?

  wow!

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  Bendrr

  BTW, YOUR guys sure do love OUR Harrier..

  Gee Mike, who wouldn't love a plane that curtseys?

  Mike.
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  23

  Texas doesn't have bigger problems to solve?

  by Country Girl in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  texas lawmakers ok cheerleading ban .

  by april castro, associated press writer tue may 3,11:53 pm et .

  austin, texas - after an alternately comic and fiery debate ?

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  Bendrr

  Damn, you Americans are so lucky! we don't have cheerleaders at all in Europe

  That certainly explains a lot!

  Does anyone else agree with me that we, both as individual states and as a nation, already have enough laws on the books? Twenty years ago, parents would be yanking their girls out of the cheerleading squad toot quick and there'd be school officials in the unemployment line the next day.

  But now, it's up to the government to oversee high school cheerleading?

  Gimme a break, y'all! There doesn't have to be a law for everything!

  Mike.
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  10

  Snake with your sugar puffs?

  by Angharad in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  you thought fingers in chilli at wendy's was bad !.

  omg that poor kid.

  http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/shropshire/4512995.stm.

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  Bendrr

  Ang, you mean to tell me that Brits get 2-foot pet snakes as prizes in cereal boxes and all we get over here are crappy plastic toys made by prisoners in China?

  Number one, I think its time to dump some more tea in a harbor. That'll teach you!

  Number two, how did a TWO FOOT SNAKE manage to hide out in a cereal box without anyone noticing? Just how big are your cereal boxes over there anyway? And how heavy are they? The weight alone should have caught someone's attention.

  Mike.
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  45

  So What Do You Think Of The New Airbus A380?

  by Englishman in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  looks a real stunner imho.

  22 wheels?

  wow!

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  Bendrr

  It's an impressive plane, no debating that.

  One thing you need to remember, E-Man, is that once they make it to the U.S., someone's going to start trying to make it faster.

  Mike.