i recently stopped by my father's house to pick up some mail and to drop off my brother's sunglasses.
my father, a zealous dub with 24 years in the collective, asked to talk to me.. for those who don't know, my fiancee and i are having a baby, which for obvious reasons causes some consternation on my father's part: you don't have to be a witness to believe that sex before marriage is wrong.
(if someone wants to discuss whether this is a valid position or not, do it in another thread.
Cygnus,
I'm glad to hear that your parents haven't shunned you. My do to a degree, but like you, feel lucky to have a relationship with them at all. I wish more parents would take a stand like yours. Where in the Bible did Jesus teach that to his followers - to shun family. Out of all the JW teachings, that is the one that gets me the most riled up.
Dedalus,
Keep your chin up. God will bless you 10-fold like he did Job as long as you are TRUE to Him in your heart!
Billygoat
we have won the war........here on the net!
well i think we have so far as reasoned debate is concerned but we are a long way off in other areas.. one thing dubs have, or they perceive they have is a worldwide unity that is unparalleled in the world today.
the unity is at a price in terms of respective individual freedoms as well as commonsense, reason and at times truth.
Individual,
I'm glad to hear about your experiences - I look forward to hearing more in the future. You will learn and heal more on this board than you could ever dream of! Welcome! I'm glad you're here.
Billygoat
it is said by jws that 'the truth' never leaves you.
even when you have broken free, you will still be haunted by it, watching the news just in case they were right.
have any of you had these feelings?
Individual,
I've been out for 10 years. It took me a long time to even talk to God after my DF. If I did talk to Him it was me screaming insults and hatred to the heavens. I was angry and hurt for years. But I still continued to be successful in my "worldly" life - why I didn't know. I remember my parents telling me that Satan would give me whatever I wanted as long as I'd stay out of "The Truth". I struggled with that for years - I felt guilty for every little thing I did that did not coincide with the WTS. Little did I know that God really did love me unconditionally and was providing a wonderful life for his child - even though I was insulting him daily!
It took me years to even pray to God let alone step foot into a church. Now you're going to find some people on this board that are not religious, but they are very spiritual. Use their experience and knowledge! I feel extra blessed because not only have I found a church that helps me grow spiritually and loves me unconditionally - I have found a community of people on this board that understands my past like nobody else does!
As for today - my relationship with God has grown to the point where I don't feel haunted anymore. That's just happened in the past year or so. I really believe that He will take care of me and He treats me lovingly on a daily basis. If anyone feels that being a JW at some point in their life will NOT affect them - they are truly mistaken. Growing up a JW has profoundly affected my life - it was terribly hard, but now I see it as a blessing! I am thankful I am free, but it has profoundly affected me and hopefully the people around me. But yes, like you, it took a long, long, time to get over it.
Billygoat
i recently stopped by my father's house to pick up some mail and to drop off my brother's sunglasses.
my father, a zealous dub with 24 years in the collective, asked to talk to me.. for those who don't know, my fiancee and i are having a baby, which for obvious reasons causes some consternation on my father's part: you don't have to be a witness to believe that sex before marriage is wrong.
(if someone wants to discuss whether this is a valid position or not, do it in another thread.
Something to keep in mind though...your family may NOT have realized they were getting sucked into it. They may not have known the truth if your Dad lied to them about it. Assume they don't know until they say otherwise. If you go into the conversation being accusatory it will just make you look like a raging lunatic. But staying calm and just addressing the facts may actually show them how deceitful your father is...
...a few more cents.
Billygoat
i recently stopped by my father's house to pick up some mail and to drop off my brother's sunglasses.
my father, a zealous dub with 24 years in the collective, asked to talk to me.. for those who don't know, my fiancee and i are having a baby, which for obvious reasons causes some consternation on my father's part: you don't have to be a witness to believe that sex before marriage is wrong.
(if someone wants to discuss whether this is a valid position or not, do it in another thread.
Man...I would totally be seeing red myself over this! I think it's great that you're coming to this forum to discuss it before you actually address the situation. Get it out before you turn any anger towards your father.
My advice comes in several steps...
Number one...address it directly with your father. Ask him why he did not invite you to the reunion. And then ask him why he lied about it to the rest of the family. You could tell him that it hurt your feelings - but DO NOT tell him that you were enraged over it!!! The only way to make a point with JWs is to very NON-EMOTIONALLY confront the facts. If you go into it emotionally charged it will only convince your dad that he made the right decision by dis-owning his 'worldly' son. But ask him point blank. See what he says. If he lies again, confront him with the fact that you know he lied. You could even tell him that you talked to some of the people at the reunion if that's the case! Make sure that you let your dad know, that more than anything, you're DISAPPOINTED - not hurt, angry, sad - that you'd expect better behavior from your christian father. (Remember as a kid that our dad made so much more of an impact on us when they DIDN'T always discipline us - especially when we KNEW we did something wrong? Use that tactic.)
Number two...talk to the host of reunion. Make sure they understand you weren't there because you didn't know about it. That way they will call you directly next time a family function comes up. You could even ask them NOT to use your father as a liaison in that type of invitation.
Number three...do not even address the shunning issue during this same conversation. That's altogether a different issue. My parents said they would shun me completely - they haven't. I live about 2K miles away from them, but we still speak on a regular basis. I can't say that would be the same way for you, but it is a different issue. I couldn't tell you how to address it once you do. I haven't addressed it with my parents myself. Maybe others have suggestions?
Just remember "witnesses suck" because they don't know any better. More than anything, I feel sorry for them. They don't realize they are under the spell of the WTS.
My two cents,
Billygoat
a bit of light relief.... .
how did you find this site?
recommendation from someone?
(QUOTE)How did you find this site? Recommendation from someone? Found it while crusing the net? (/QUOTE)
I used google.com to find some JW websites. I was curious to see what my old friends and family were up to. I was shocked to come across to so many XJW sites! This was purely by accident!
(QUOTE)What have you gained from being here? (/QUOTE)
I have found a community of people that struggle with Life the same way I do. We share a history that is not easily found/shared/understood in today's society. I've gained new insight into what I thought was "just another religion". I realize now it is a cult and extremely controlling and unhealthy. I pray that God give special love to those under the spell of the WTS!
(QUOTE)What insights have you learnt about the WTS, about faith, about other people, or about yourself?(/QUOTE)
I would like to think that this shared history would make us all nicer to each other and perhaps more understanding of differences. In general, on this board that is the case, but I am frustrated with some people's rudeness and hypocrisy. I understand the anger and frustration towards the WTS, but what good is it to be rude to those no longer involved (others that post)? Aren't those people the ones we share a common bond with? I'm not quite sure what to make of it.
I don't have all the answers either, but love learning other people's viewpoints and why they live the life they live. What is it in their experiences that make them the person they are today? Is there anything I can be doing to make MY life better from other's experiences?
I really feel blessed to have found this web-site. I don't like the fact that the logo and the message under the logo is so mis-leading though. I think it makes us XJW look like we're trying to 'snare' JW men and women into an apostate web-site. Just my opinion...
Billygoat
new to the board - just saying hello - looking forward to participating!
finally free after 25 years.
Welcome to the board! You'll be amazed at whom you meet and how God will continue to bless your life!
Billygoat
this is my first post to this board so please be gentle with me.
ha!
i wanted to tell my story, which in itself is not all that different than others i have read here, but here goes.
JJS,
Wow! Thanks so much for sharing! I'm so sorry that you've missed out on a normal childhood and a normal family - like the rest of us on this board. But I'm so glad to hear that your life is one of peace and blessings now. I am a firm believer that our lives are what WE make it. WHERE we came from is only one aspect of it. We have the freedom and choice to move on and become loving, accepting, and caring people. It does my heart good to know you've done that! You've got more support than you know - heterosexuality (sp?)is not a requirement for being loved by God or me!
Godbless,
Billygoat
i grew up in a jw home.
baptized at 16. i wasn't molested by anybody in the congregation, but i was approached by two different elders in two different congregations, wanting more than just to be my elder...ifyaknowwhatimean.... i led a double life for a few years and finally slept with a worldly boyfriend at 18. i was put on public reproof.
i was told this was to help me understand what was at risk in my life and to turn me around.
Thanks for the compliment! I love posting and am looking forward to meeting more of 'us' out there. I still have some healing to do and it amazes me how much I've healed just in the last several days of posting on this board!
Godbless,
Billygoat
i have been missing in action for 6.5 years.
i moved 55 miles away.
a couple of weekends ago, two elders (in suits) from my old cong.
Erin,
Sounds like the BOE is trying to find a way to DF or DA you. I would follow Mulan's advice and say it's none of their business. Just don't talk to them. Stay in your jammies behind the closed door. Post a "No trespassing" sign. Or better yet...come to door naked with a "No trespassing" sign. That'll scare 'em away! Haha! (Wait...would that be a two-party sin if they see you naked? Would THEY have to go to a JC for looking at a naken woman that's NOT their wives?)
Can anybody tell me if the BOE can DF you if they don't talk to you to confirm or discuss anything? Just curious...
Billygoat
