Meta,
Funny you should post this as this is something I've just really, really, understood until the last couple of weeks.
I've recently been in email conversation with my JW father about my anger and bitterness towards him (abusive) and the organization (controlling). Between the emails from both Mom and Dad, I've realized that "love" to them is obedience to the organization. That disobedience or association with anyone who is disobedient means you don't love yourself or Jehovah (organization).
This has been a catalyst to me within the last several days to "love" my friends and family as much as possible. My friends I don't want to take for granted. My family I want to be kind to and cherish, even if it's not reciprocated. I won't do it to the point of being self-abusive, but I'm learning where to draw the line for what's healthy for Andi.
I am very, very blessed to have friends that I consider my family. I have many friends at my church that are warm, funny, affectionate, caring, and sensitive. They have carried me in many times I've wanted to committ suicide over the loss of my JW family. They have had to teach me my own value as a human as well as other Life lessons that parents are supposed to teach. These friends truly are my brothers, sisters, and parents. I do not believe blood is thicker than water. I also have a great boyfriend - Neil is a smart, attractive, tender-hearted man that adores me and loves me unconditionally. The first man in my life to do that. His family (parents, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins) all think I'm just part of the family...if I am that special to Neil, then I am special to them as well. It's a strange and funny feeling to be loved that much...warts and all. It's downright uncomfortable at times. And I am learning how to live with that until it becomes comfortable.
Meta, yes, you're right. Our histories and backgrounds are sad and sick. I blame my parents for their actions back then. But I will not blame them for MY ACTIONS TODAY. I could readily use my experience as an excuse to be abusive, un-loving or hateful towards my future family. But I've learned from my parents experiences and plan on making sure my family doesn't suffer from lack of love. I look forward to it!
Great thread by the way!
Andi
