Well, I really appreciate everyone. I kind of asked one of our mutual friends who has seen him at outings, etc when I haven't been there and she knows all people involved. She says the story really does seem likely and that she has never seen him act like a cheating husband in any way. So I'm sort of glad I got a fuller story, and do feel better about it. But like lots of you said, it is a red flag and I do need to keep my eyes open. But I sort of beleive him, and like FunkyDerek said, I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt right now. (But I will cut his balls off if any of it is not innocent.)
Thegoodgirl
JoinedPosts by Thegoodgirl
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66
How do you know when your spouse is cheating on you?
by Thegoodgirl inokay, i know this is personal, but i kind of like the annoninimity of the board versus asking my friends who are all also friends with my husband.. my husband went out of the country with a group from work this weekend.
i was supposed to go but had to cancel due to other stuff.
it turned out only 4 ended up going, my husband, a guy, and two women.
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46
i told my mother that i do not desire to be associated with jws anymore and
by drunkenpikachu inshe totally flipped out.
all i was trying to do was find some mutual respect for my decision but she started smacking, punching, pushing me.
soon after, she threw the biggest tantrum and it disgusted me to see her acting in such a manner.
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Thegoodgirl
So sorry you had to go through this. Like everyone said, it's not you it's her/them. MOve on and things will start to normalize.
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66
How do you know when your spouse is cheating on you?
by Thegoodgirl inokay, i know this is personal, but i kind of like the annoninimity of the board versus asking my friends who are all also friends with my husband.. my husband went out of the country with a group from work this weekend.
i was supposed to go but had to cancel due to other stuff.
it turned out only 4 ended up going, my husband, a guy, and two women.
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Thegoodgirl
I was thinking maybe the hotel has a roster of all people in the room, so I called the hotel two more times (this is getting very expensive) and asked for each of the girls, and each time, they sent my call back to a room. So I was wrong, the guys may not have each gotten a room in their name just because the hotel knew their names at the front desk, because the hotel in fact knew everyone's names.
But you guys are right. Even if it was innocent, it was rude of him to do something that would look like they were a couple, or even to act like he was in college and it's cool to share a hotel room with another girl like you're friends. When you're married, it's just different rules. He called about an hour ago to say that his guy friend feels really bad. I told my husband he is the one who should feel bad, and tried not to be too nice. Husband said that tonight either guy friend will have to stay with husband or husband is getting another room. I was like, dang right you're getting another room. Anyway, thanks again.
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66
How do you know when your spouse is cheating on you?
by Thegoodgirl inokay, i know this is personal, but i kind of like the annoninimity of the board versus asking my friends who are all also friends with my husband.. my husband went out of the country with a group from work this weekend.
i was supposed to go but had to cancel due to other stuff.
it turned out only 4 ended up going, my husband, a guy, and two women.
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Thegoodgirl
Okay, Nancy Drake, I did what you said, and called the hotel, asked what kind of bed in his (my husband's) room. Thankfully it's 2 single beds. The only odd thing is that I asked for my husband's room, they can put me through. I asked for the other man's name, and they send me through to a room. Wouldn't they only have one of the guys' names on a room if the original plan was to have both guys stay in one room? I don't know how these hotel things work. Hope this makes sense, I am physically shaking.
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66
How do you know when your spouse is cheating on you?
by Thegoodgirl inokay, i know this is personal, but i kind of like the annoninimity of the board versus asking my friends who are all also friends with my husband.. my husband went out of the country with a group from work this weekend.
i was supposed to go but had to cancel due to other stuff.
it turned out only 4 ended up going, my husband, a guy, and two women.
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Thegoodgirl
One more piece of information. He was telling me before the trip that he suspected "other guy and other girl" had something going on and he was reluctant to go because he thought whole situation would be awkward if the other couple admitted it. I said yeah, it will be, but I didn't want him to miss out on the trip just because of me, so I encouraged him to just go (as did the girl who slept in his room, and she was encouraging him after she knew I wasn't coming.)
As for the JW portion, I was raised JW and baptized, now I'm inactive for 5 years. (Husband has no JW background, is agnostic/atheist.) I just sometimes think that the "No platonic relationships" rule that we had as JWs seeps into my thinking, so I'm always aware of it and try not to be too paranoid when he's friends with girls at work.
SixO'Nine, what do you mean a test?
Again, thanks for the straightforward opinions, it helps to think through all angles, and as FMZ said, it may have been just a really stupid but innocent decision on his part.
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66
How do you know when your spouse is cheating on you?
by Thegoodgirl inokay, i know this is personal, but i kind of like the annoninimity of the board versus asking my friends who are all also friends with my husband.. my husband went out of the country with a group from work this weekend.
i was supposed to go but had to cancel due to other stuff.
it turned out only 4 ended up going, my husband, a guy, and two women.
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Thegoodgirl
Thanks so much for the comments.
He says it was a room with two twin beds. He is friends with the girl, we've gone to party at her house and gone out with groups a few times. She's single. I don't really know if he'd cheat on me. We've been married about three years, no kids. He's kind of flirtatous with people at his work, but I think it's just friendliness(?) He was going back and forth as to whether he should go or not since I couldn't go. She was actually the one who was calling and trying to get a yes from him, but I think that's just because she wanted a bigger group...
Anyway, I think you guys are right that I should make it clear that I'm upset. I really appreciate hearing your opinions, I just have no one to tell that isn't already friends with him. (Except my sister and my mom, who will remember this forever if I tell them and who have both had marriages end in divorce when the guy cheated.)
GG
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66
How do you know when your spouse is cheating on you?
by Thegoodgirl inokay, i know this is personal, but i kind of like the annoninimity of the board versus asking my friends who are all also friends with my husband.. my husband went out of the country with a group from work this weekend.
i was supposed to go but had to cancel due to other stuff.
it turned out only 4 ended up going, my husband, a guy, and two women.
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Thegoodgirl
Okay, I know this is personal, but I kind of like the annoninimity of the board versus asking my friends who are all also friends with my husband.
My husband went out of the country with a group from work this weekend. I was supposed to go but had to cancel due to other stuff. It turned out only 4 ended up going, My husband, a guy, and two women. I called my husband this morning at his hotel room (10 am his time) and one of the girls answers the phone having just woken up. (The room is is my husband's name.) She sleepily hands the phone to him and he sleepily talks to me about nothing, and doesn't even mention why he is sleeping in a hotel room with the girl instead of the original set up (guys in one room, girls in the other). So I hang up and start wondering. I call back, furious, and his story is that the other guy/girl duo revealed that they have been secretly dating, and wanted to stay in a room together. So instead of getting a third room, he just sleeps in the room with the other girl. I find this odd, but don't want to be paranoid. At any rate, the girl gets on the phone and assures me nothing has happened, and they even get the other guy from his other room to reassure me that the story is true.
I would appreciate any advice or clarification. Don't want to be that paranoid JW wife, but I also don't want to be a total idiot to the obvious.
GG
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Diary of a nobody
by New Worldly Translation inhi, i'm new to these forums so i thought i would share some experiences of when i was a jw.. i was born in 1976 into a staunch jw family.
my grandparents, parents, aunties, uncles, cousins etc etc were all jw's going back to the 1950's.
when i was a child my parents, like a lot of jw parents, didn't let me have worldly friends.
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Thegoodgirl
Wow, I can totally relate to your entire life! I guess lots of others can too. It's weird, but I think a lot of us end up the same way. I too had no friends as a teenager because the kids in the congregation had "drifted off" and can't associate with worldlings. And so now I'm sort of shy and awkward, it's so silly, I'm 26 and have been out for 5 years, but still feel so weird inviting or being invited to dinner, etc by a workmate and my first thought is always "come up with an excuse of why you can't go" and then I say, what am I thinking? I'm not a JW!
Anyway, thanks for sharing, you'll slowly make more friends in the real world, and these boards just keep you grounded and remind you why you do some of the things you do.
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1/15/05 Saturday Chicago Meetup--Reza's Restaurant (Clark Street)
by blondie in1/15/05 saturday chicago meetup?reza?s restaurant, 5255 n clark st (by wrigley field)
we are shooting for 5:30 pm giving us time to eat and talk and go to either the green mill or the jazz showcase afterwards.
parking: street parking possible, free lot (5238 n. clark st.)
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Thegoodgirl
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!
This stinking site didn't let me log in for like two friggin months and now, I"m finally going throught the different postings and DON'T YOU KNOW, I JUST MISSED THIS FRIGGIN THING BY 4 FRIGGIN DAYS!!! I live right here in Chicago, I could have been there in like 15minutes!!!!! I would have loved to have met up with you all. Well anyway, did you all have fun?
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High rates of depression in Org.
by chuckyy ini noticed after being a jw for a while that many members of my congregation were having to take antedepressants.
(i counted at least 30 out of 100).
after a few years i too began to have bouts of depression and problems with anxiety.
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Thegoodgirl
Rod P, welcome, that was a story beginning similarly to my own life (I am one of three girls and our parents were split on religion, finally divorcing when I was 7.) I actually liked it better when they were apart because there was less tension and arguing. My dad was never into religion, and my mom is GUNG HO Jehovah's Witness. They're both sincere and good people, but with the Witness mindset, my Mom just wouldn't budge in rules, and my dad couldn't take the social mishaps like refusing to attend family holidays, telling us not to attend college, etc. He called us all the time and that helps us know him, so keep in touch with your girls, someday they may leave the JWs and begin to understand you and your ex-wife's impossible dilemma.
And as for depression, I have written about this on another board. I know there is no proof, but several people in my hometown congregation were on antidepressants, and I mean like probably 30%. Also, I was really depressed through high school, but that was because of the isolation of no worldly friends and all the JWs getting "in trouble" and you aren't supposed to associate with those "on the edge" either, so it leaves you totally alone. A good friend of mine killed himself in our congregation at 20 years old. I'm sure he had lots of stuff going on, but I always wish I had more openly discussed my lingering doubts about the religion with him because looking back, I know he had them too.