have i been reading the wrong threads or have we had a shortage of postings by lt lately?
ross you world traveling again?
hurry back and fill us in on your adventures, some of us live vicariously through those stories!!.
Even *I* missed you!!!
I was looking at posting history for you yesterday and was about to start my own hunt for you - but then my pc started acting up.
Glad to know that you are OK and just busy with life.
Funny how we get attached to certain people and there posts. Of course, you are a grown man with a real life. But thanks for popping back in!!!
You were missed.
-Denise.
i have finally started to read captive hearts, captive minds.. they say something that got me to thinking.. i used to feel embarassed to tell non-jws that i was a jw.
it was one thing to tell people at the doors.
it was totally another thing to tell other people.
In school I was a bold little proclaimer.
First few years out of HighSchool I was a little embarrassed because I wasn't completely 'living up to our name'. My close friends knew, then others found out. I was sure to let them know that I was not a perfect example of how JWs behaved but that I was still a believer struggling with my little rebelious streak. (Such a small streak - I'm sure no one but other JWs really cared!!)
As a pioneer, I started to get more stressed and just a bit embarrassed.
As a fader, I think I was as much embarrassed about my JW past as I was that I had no clear view on what I believed. I thought JWs were mostly right but had some serious issues to work out with Jehovah and I could just not sit in my chair at the hall silently while I knew things were happening that were so, so wrong. I became a walk-away believer - but straddling a fence of sorts.
About this time last year (roughly 13 years after walking out of that meeting) I started to have very intense physical symptoms whenever the subject of holidays and religion would come up. It was very much 'fight or flight' syndrome and manifested with sweaty palms and tension in my gut. My instinct was to 'flight'.
Around this time of physical pain, I started this thread:
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/9/82295/1.ashx
The pain is gone. I am still in therapy (once a month) and now speak with relative ease about my JW past. I even joke about it a little. (I don't find it so funny with others laugh about JW issues with me though. That still feels humiliating - as if he/they are laughing at me.)
Thanks for for this thread. It's therapeutic for me to re-visit this topic.
-Aude.
today's sunday, claremont, nh eagle times has an interesting article on jws - inspired in part by a quick build kingdom hall going up this weekend in rockingham, vt.. here's the link: eagle times article october 23, 2005. i thought the article was good, but may have gone a bit easy on the witnesses.
no mention of witness shunning, the dateline expose, silentlambs, the blood issue, witness beliefs, etc.
also a bit confusing is the assertion of the tremendous growth rate at the same time that the article states that baptisms have dropped off 33% in the us since the mid-90s (holy shit!
I picked up on small item and sent this comment:
Mr Schram says that they are 'not a cult.' I understand why he feels that way because I was in that religion for 30 years and even after being out for 10-plus years the term 'cult' did not fit in my mind. UNTIL I found a neutral definition of cult. Even then it was hard to admit to myself. The term 'high-control group' is more fitting. Let the reader use discernment.
It's a simple comment but might get the attention of someone affiliated with the org.
-Aude.
sorry everyone but i need to rant.
about a week and a half ago we hired someone to work at my office.
up to that point only my boss and i worked here, however we realized that there was a lot of work that had to be done and we needed help.
Sounds more like DAMN IT!!! to me.
But then my language has become more agressive during the past few years...
I always had good success with hiring high school kids. Good with language skills they made great office assistants. 2-4 hours per day after school was just perfect for our needs and they could work longer on holidays. Many of them were grateful to not have to wear uniforms (like in fast food places) and were thrilled to not have to work so late into the evenings since we were nearly always done by 6 or 7pm.
College kids can be great, too.
We really enjoyed our high school kids usually a different one each year and did that for 12 years. They knew when they were hired that part of their job would be training their replacement. The first few that we had also helped make a manual that could be referenced and updated as needed.
Good luck finding someone suitable to your office.
-Aude.
i am forcing myself to do this - i feel nauseated, depressed... my hands are shaking.
i know many of you see this and laugh.
but for those of you who arn't, you know how hard it is for me to do this.
Hi Daniel-P -
I can't think of a single person who would laugh at you for your feelings about posting here. It might seem an extreme response to such a simple activity -- but the reprocussions can be extreme. And we all know that.
When I read your post, I was reminded of a thread dealing with that feeling of dread from when I first found JWD so I thought I would give you the link:
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/78348/1.ashx
This is a great place to just get your thoughts out. People here really, truly understand what you are going thru and are always willing to share their thoughts and personal experiences with you. I don't think anyone except ex-jws can really understand what you are going thru.
Enjoy your stay here. It's really is a great place to breathe, learn, and grow.
-Aude Sapere (meaning: Dare to Know; Dare to Have Understanding/Wisdom)
somebody mentioned the "secret" pioneer school book the other day, prompting me to go find mine.
i started flipping through it, reading over my notes.
-- i don't know, that's a good question.
"Pray to keep a good frame of mind during a dull talk. After all, a dull talk is better than none."
Oh ummmm I beg to differ....
hehe thanks for sharing. I pulled my book out a few months ago. Odd feelings crept back into my heart. I didn't really get was so special about the school except that by virtue of 'invitation only' - surprise! you pioneer for one year and you are 'invited' - there wasn't much to it but much reading and discussing. I gave up two weeks pay to attend. My employer even close his office for 6 working days during that period. *sigh* Oh Well...
-Aude.
last saturday, me and a friend from the hall decided to go to nc state fair together.
i have been told that the state fair is not a big deal in other areas of the country, but here in these parts, it means alot to us, expecially since we live in/near the capital city.
about the friend: he's a year younger than me, and we go to the same school.
With my track record, they'll problably give me more privileges. Literature counter, here I come!
Not beyond the realm of reason with that bunch..!!! You never fail to make me laugh. I'm so happy to see you around here. (((hugs))) -Aude.
yesterday morning i was enjoying coffee with a few teachers when we started talking about the north carolina laws that say that if you get a ticket while you're under 18, your license might be revoked.
i was joking with them that in my business sedan (ford taurus), i can speed and no one seems to care.
i spoke way too soon.. yesterday evening, i was leaving for work at about 5:20. i saw that i was coming up on a cop, so i did that thing where you hit the brakes, but try not to make it obvious that you just slowed down.
Oh- god news though- my nest post will make me an emperor!!
I thought you were going to tell us that you had just switched to Geico ...!!
Sorry about the speeding ticket. I have no suggestions for fighting it except traffic school - if you are eligible.
-Aude.
well, we were going about our business today as we usually do on a monday.
mrs kwin went to work, kids went to school, i stayed home and made apple sauce and beer.
2:30 comes along and it's time to pick up everyone and, oh yeah ... we have that appointment today.
How could you know that? Did I say it somewhere else?
Yup. 2nd sentence in your opening post...
-Aude.
so i'm quitting smoking.
it's no biggee, i've done it before... .
no seriously, i smoked my last one at lunch.
My dad quit cold turkey nearly 40 years ago.
He found that carrot sticks and celery worked well to keep oral/digital habit satiated.
He is quite proud to tell people that he quit because I came home from school one day in 1967 and asked him why he didn't love me. He didn't understand the connection. I explained that if he loved me he wouldn't smoke because it would make him die sooner. He quit that night.
Emotional blackmail (or whatever that was) was ingrained in me early on.
But really, the carrot sticks and celery helped keep the fingers and lips busy.
Best wishes for successful cessation!!
-Denise.
