I guess I've just always been an apostate.
My mom told me recently that when I was 10 years old I was always asking her questions about concepts in the Watchtower studies that she couldn't give a good answer to. It actually got her doubting things so she told me never to question the society. I found a typo in a Kingdom Ministry and after pointing it out to my older brother I got the same lecture. "Be very careful, that's what APOSTATES do!" It scared the shit out of me at the time.
Then there was the Revelation book. What a pile of cultish bullshit that was. I would comment at the bookstudies and exagerate points that were so obviously bullshit, and nobody was the wiser. That book made me laugh out loud so many times. It was better than watching the Simpsons. After a while even I lost enjoyment of listening to the bullshit in morbid facination and faded. But I always tried to make it all fit together for my friends and family, so I came back and the cycle continued like that for over ten years.
The very last straw for me was thinking long and hard about the societies permission of certain blood fractions. I just knew its policy was totally f*cked and I COULD NOT be a part of it anymore. My friends were starting to freak me out too, the insanity of their bouts of spirtual self righteousness then crashes of drunkeness and self-loathing were too much.. it was scary. I took the plunge into educating myself and I've never been happier. I'm open to learn about the world, to be critical and make sure that what I believe is, in fact, what I believe.
GBL