Posts by toladest

27

I'm getting mad....

by toladest in

i have been dfed/daed for nearly 7 years now.

long story.

anyway my mom has shunned me ever since.

I have been DFed/DAed for nearly 7 years now. Long story. Anyway my mom has shunned me ever since. I have always made excuses for her, saying that she believes what she is doing is right. But lately I have just been mad. I guess it started when my 13 year old came to me crying because all the kids at school were talking about seeing their grandparents for Christmas and when she was asked about her grandparents she didn't know what to say. She SO misses having grandparents. It makes me angry that my mom NEVER has tried to contact my kids since I left the JW's. We moved out of state and she doesn't call or write them. She did want to see them when we went back for a vacation, but all she did was try to preach to them and they were really upset by it. She is VERY much a family person. She had 10 kids of her own and is raising a grandkid and visits and babysits all her other grandchildren all the time. She USED to be like that with my kids. I think it would be easier if all their grandparents had died.

Anyway, I don't feel I can make excuses for her anymore. I feel like she has a responsibilty as my mom and my kids grandmom to find out the truth. But she won't listen. She uses the scripture that says to fonicators and drunkards and such, but I have not done ANYTHING listed in that scripture. Also, when it says to not even greet such a person I don't believe it means it in the sense she does. The traditional Jewish greeting was to kiss a person on both cheeks in a way that kinda meant you accept them as a person with the same beliefs/standards. I don't know if I'm explaining it well....

I just don't know what to do. I wrote a letter but I don't know if I should send it or if she will read it and even if she does it may just make her more determined not to see me when we go down for my sisters wedding in October.

I'm just really mad and very confused right now. I think she wants a relationship, but she WON'T let go of the WTS and she won't admitt that they could be wrong. It's so hard to understand since she KNOWS how badly I was treated and she KNOWS what I went through and all the WTS has done wrong in regards child abuse.

What do I do?

15

Could you help me understand

by IP_SEC in

i guess i have a little problem understanding the abuse issue .

1. because i only just now started looking into it and am overwhelmed by all of the info.

2. because this happened in my congo back in the late 70s and the guy was 'hung'.

toladest

The most compelling part of the Dateline show to me was hearing the tape recording of the response of the legal department when being asked (thinking they were talking to an elder) what should be done about a girl that accused her dad of abuse. The response by the WTS was to ask the dad if it was true and if he said no then they were to drop it.

The show was very well done and I can tell you first hand in talking to the producer Richard Greenberg that they would NOT put anything on the show that they could not back up and prove 100%. I gave him a lot of info, but he said he would not use hearsay. He only would use what he could prove.

I have a lot of respect for that show as a result....

15

Could you help me understand

by IP_SEC in

i guess i have a little problem understanding the abuse issue .

1. because i only just now started looking into it and am overwhelmed by all of the info.

2. because this happened in my congo back in the late 70s and the guy was 'hung'.

toladest

Did you see the Dateline special? I think it sums it up pretty well. You can also find it on the Silentlambs web site.

Daniel Fitzwater is pictured on the show and he was in prison at the time of the filming of Dateline. He is out of prison now and was never reproved or DFed. The WTS and congergation stood behind him and he has remained a JW in good standing.

31

For those raised as JWs...

by Country Girl in

i have found that while i can remember my childhood from ages 3-5, i can't remember much after that until i was 17 or so.

my mom came into the jws when i was 3, and i remember celebrating our last christmas.

it was a small christmas tree on the end table and it had a present for each of us (2 kids).

toladest

I remember a lot from my childhood. I was 3 when my mom started studying and 5 when she was baptized. I still have one of the last christmas stocking stuffers I got. I held on to it for all these years. I guess I was trying to hold onto Christmas. My dad never became a JW but he went along with whatever mom wanted most of the time. He always tried to "keep the peace". But he is a vietnam vet and alcoholic. Didn't mix well with my JW mom. He finally divorced her a few years ago.

Anyway, most of my memories are bad. Being picked on at school for being a JW amoung other things. I do have some time that is "missing". From the time I was 12 until I was 14 there are a lot of lost memories. But I know some of what happened to me then and I am glad the memories are missing. Some memories are better forgotten.....

25

Are Dubs warned about JWD at Meetings?

by Low-Key Lysmith in

jw
friends

i havn't been to a meeting in years.

i was just wondering if this site is talked about @ meetings, and/or in the publicatons.

i'm sure reproof or disfellowshipping would be instant if a dub was found looking into such "apostacy".

toladest

One way you can tell that they moniter these sites is because whenever there is a real hot topic that gets a lot of attention here the WTS seems to do an article on it in one of the magazines. Like for instance, when their involvment with Hitler came out and documnets were posted to prove it they did a big article on it. Seems to happen a lot.

37

I was Molested by my CO grandfather

by AshtonCA in

i was molested by my grandfather from the age of 3 to 7. he was also molesting his daughter (my aunt) and maybe others.

it was covered over and my entire family was actually shunned when we went to the elders when i was 18. i did not tell anyone about it until then because my grandfather had me believing our relationship was special and it was our little secret.. when confronted, he of course denied it.

my mother even spoke up of a time when he had tried to molest her when she was 8 months pregnant with one of my brothers.

toladest

Ashton, I am so sorry to hear what you have gone through. I too have gone through being molested. It is a long hard process to healing, but even though it never completely goes away it can get better. It helps a lot to talk to others about it, so I hope your posting here works as a good start for you.

WELCOME!

10

Now PRINCE is a presenter with the golden globe awards...

by orbison11 in

jw
friends

just was a presenter with the globe awards,,,i just don't get it.

my x was in the entertainment field, and he was so discouraged from doing ,,,well just about everything.

especially the fellowshipping with worldy people..hhmm.

toladest

I'm trying to remember where the article was but he himself said in an interview that both he and his wife are baptized. They did a special private baptizm so as not to cause a specticle.

I'm sure he donates enough money that he won't get into too much trouble unless he sacrifices a goat and drinks it's blood on stage. heehee Michael Jackson wasn't asked to DA until he did the Thriller video.

69

Is anyone on this forum disfellowshipped?

by Kimmee in

jw
friends

and if you are do you care to tell why you are disfellowshipped?

for those who were not what prevented you from being disfellowshipped?

curious minds want to know.

toladest

I was forced to DA. They were going to DF me if I didn't. My case went all the way to Bethel. The first committee wanted to DF me because I continually questioned them about the handling of my father-in laws molestation of girls. I did not understand why he was not being DFed or reproved. In fact the WTS was standing behind him. At the time I REALLY believed the witnesses had the "truth". I was SO confused and hurt. I had gone repeatedly to the elders crying and asking them to help me understand. I told them I was weak and needed their spiritual guidence. They initially told me they could not study with me because I was baptized. (they could not count their time) Eventually they tired of me and said that by questioning them on the handling of molestation that I was questioning God. They made up accusations saying that I said I did not believe in God and that I thought God was a child molester/abuser. My 2nd comittee believed me when I told them I had never said those things. (One thing I pointed out was how could I belive God was an abuser and not believe in God at the same time. I think that helped them see that the other elders were lying) Anyway, the 2 comittees could not agree and even got into a shouting match. I was told to go home and that they would write to the WTS. I was told that the WTS would not write back directly saying to DF or not to DF, but that they would either include scriptures or forgiveness (not to DF) or scriptures of condemnation, or keeping the congergation clean (to DF). I went home and for the first time I decided to look up exJW sites. I wanted to see if there were others accused of apostacy just like me, that were truely just seeking help and answers. BOY were my eyes opened! In the meantime, 2 of the elders that wanted to DF me came to "encourage" me. They ended up yelling at me and calling me a liar. I was so upset that I got physically sick. I already was dealing with high blood pressure and heart palpitations and I ended up having my first ever asthma attack. I decided I could not handle this anymore so I wrote a letter of disassociation. I knew I would have to meet with the elders again when the WTS letter was returned and I did not feel I could survive another meeting. When the elder got my letter he said that he did not want to read it until the answer came back from the WTS. I think because I spoke of his misconduct in the letter. I agreed. (I still really did not want to be DFed or DAed as a lot of my family are JWs) Weeks later a letter came back from the WTS. The head elder called and told me that they needed to meet with me again. He said the letter indicated they were to DF me. I told him that I would rather have him DA me because I did not want to meet and I did not want people to think I cheated on my husband. (they thought that anyway)

17

JW definition of disassociating yourself?

by wordlywife in

jw
friends

can someone help me to understand what it would mean to a loyal witnes to diassociate yourself, and to the org?

having seen what happened during my husband's df, and his subsequentreinstatement, what would it mean to da yourself?

would you be treated the same as being df?

toladest

Actually it depends on who you talk to because many JW's get confused about it. One elder on my elder comittee which was URGING me to disassociate said that if I did I could still associate with my family at which point the other 2 elders quickly corrected him. Many veiw disassociation as direct apostacy (which is what I was accused of) because you are "choosing" to "walk away from God".

I did end up being forced to DA. I had the choice to be DFed or DA. They had actually decided to DF me, I appealed and then after a long drawn out appeal that included a letter being sent to NY for their decision (because my 2nd commitee did not agree with my 1st comittee) I was told I would be DFed but could still choose to DA. I chose to DA because I thought if I were DFed people would think I cheated on my husband. They thought it anyway....

13

A letter to MY DAUGHTER,,,,PLEASE FORGIVE ME.....

by wildfire in

jw
friends

.

i know you come tothis site to check out things...so if this is the only way to talk toyou then i will do it and make it all public.....for all my true friends to see....i know that i didnt protect you from your step father....the blessed annointed one who made allof our lives a living hell....i was the parent,,you were the child,,,and the children are the future...(maybe home is where the heart is giving up to the one.....we spend all of our lives going out of our minds,,,looking back to our birth, those who stood up for love in spite of the hate.....) those are words of a song by live called they stood up for love....... i was in the midst of a mind--bending cult,,for so many years...and i know all of my children have suffered in one way or the other...even tho only one is still an active witness...we are all scarred and will always be...but my love for you and your brothers and sisters is the one true thing i can give you.... please dont take my grand children away from me..seeing them the other day for that brief moment gave me such happiness---i think back to the happy times when they were born and i was there for two of them....how many grand parents can say that....they will never know their grand pa ,,but dear daughter please dont take away their grand mother who loves them soooo much..... life is too short...each day is precious...please lets get back to forgiveness and some kind of sweet co --existence...my other daughter wrote a precious,,caring letter that made me cry and cry..... i would never come between you and your man....you know that...and i know he is under alot of pressure,,and i care about him very much,, he is the father of my darling grand kids..and done so much for me and my children....i know i can never repay him for all he has done...i just hope he knows that i love him too.

please my first born...know that not a day goes by that i dont think of the wonderful..strong..person you have become,,and how very proud of you i am....you have the chance to be the better mother to your 3 children...without the influence of a dangerous cult plaguing your every move..and iknow my grand children will grow strong,, happy and well adjusted because of you and their father/.... again please find it in your heart to forgive me...i need you in my life to make it complete for this journey would not be complete without you in it .......

toladest

There are also some things in your own life that you need to work on if you want to be close to them.

"This sentence really stands out. Why is being close to the grandchildren conditional? This really doesn't make sense."

This was not meant in any way as an attack on Wildfire. If you knew the circumstances (which I'm sure she would not want me to elaborate on here) then you might understand. Sometimes you tend to try to proetect your kids from things you feel might hurt them. Like I said this family has been through hell and they all have "issues". Of course I have issues too. Not throwing stones here. I just feel that the best thing she can do is to step back a little and work on her "issues" and allow her daughters to do the same. Her daughters have been through EVERY sort of abuse for a VERY long period of time. Her oldest was abused until she was 17 years old!

Personally, I love Wildfire and her daughters. They are very special to me. I spent a lot of time with them and I carry a lot of guilt as I was her oldest daughters best friend as teenagers. I knew that something very bad was happening in their house. (although she never told me until Wildfire kicked her husband to the curb) I went to an elder to tell what I did know and saw myself and he told me that he could do nothing unless the family came to him! I was about 15 at the time and told him I wanted to call social sevices. He told me not to as that would bring reproach to Jehovah's name. I was SO FREAKING BRAINWASHED that I did as he said. Nothing....

This thing is just going to take time......