We were being good dubs and not having children. After several years of travel, etc.we felt something was still missing from our lives and I realized that I really WANTED children and they could all go hang. I decided this when I was 37-had my first at 38, second at almost 40, and third at 41. Everyone assumed our third was an accident, too, but we just let them think it. I probably would have had more children if I was younger. As it was, there was alot of tsk tsking, even with the first. I swear, alot of those women are just bitter.
We really have an appreciation for our kids since we came so close to not having any thanks to the stupid Witnesses. In our congregation there was a group of childless families that formed a clique, and it included some elders and some whose wives always had the "disease of the week", since they were always ill due to things doctors could never find. All I ever heard was that they were waiting to have kids in the new system. Anyway, these people have no way of understanding child development, how your life changes with a child, etc. They certainly don't understand the emotional change that takes place, either. At the last bookstudy I attended I was there alone with 3 kids, the youngest had just started walking. It was tough keeping everyone in their seats occupied. My youngest started making sounds playing, and this elderette shushed her! She wasn't crying or screaming, just babbling. I got mad and told her she was too young for that, and not to do that to my kids. It was a supreme effort to even be there (which wasn't appreciated) with everyone knowing how I felt about them (due to the child molestation issues in our kingdom hall and my outspokeness).
Afterward the bookstudy conductor tried telling me how he and his wife had had 3 kids and would pass the kids back and forth to each other, and perhaps I could do the same. I just glared at him, and he became nervous. Finally I said-"How many of me do you see?" There is just one of me-how in the world am I to pass kids back and forth with myself? How does anything you are saying make sense?" He gave his nervous little laugh, but still kept on in that vain. Finally I said-"It is never good enough for you people". Back then I new something was wrong in the organization (but thought it was me) but I still expected common sense. All I felt was a supreme sense of injustice.
My kids were the prime reason to leave the Witnesses, because I didn't want them to be shut out of having a full life.
