A lot has been said and probably will be said still.
All I can add is that anyone who allows an organization made up of imperfect individuals to dictate who they can and cannot associate (even saying hello) with does not understand how under the influence their thinking is.
Your loved ones love you but they withhold that love because imperfect individuals tell them to. Imagine, that with the stroke of a pen those same imperfect men could undo all the pain and damage done to millions because of this doctrinal belief.
You owe it yourself, your husband and the children to investigate the Bible's viewpoint on disfellowshipping. Pray, read, study and meditate on this doctrine learning as much as you can from all sides to determine its validity. Like a judge in a court case look at all sides of the issue before deciding whether you feel this is an appropriate understanding of the Bible.
Remember, there is freedom with Christ. He said he would lighten our load not increase it to an unbearable amount. He died for us while we were sinners, he didn't wait for individuals to be as good as possible first.
I will pray for you and your family.