Quandry, those are all fine ideas. But, the reality is if his wife wants to go to the meeting she will view those things as him purposely trying to subvert her faith.
There isn't a way to win in this situation.
If you go you're miserable and your wife knows it and gets pissed.
If you don't go you're happy but your wife is miserable and she gets pissed.
I think one thing you could do is give her a sentence or two that she can memorize to answer those at the KH who ask about you.
Make it something simple and memorable. Tell her you know it's dificult answering questions about someone else's situation and this simple phrase should help. Perhaps some others on the board can suggest a good short phrase.
I do not help my wife get the kids ready. If she wants to attend with them she can get them ready. I watch tv or eat breakfast or sleep; depending on how I feel that morning. It used to cause trouble but in the last 6 months things have become fairly routinized.
Good luck.