Great thread. I'm in the same boat.
My wife misses tons of meetings and rarely goes in servus. Then all of a sudden she's active and trying to go regularly. It's like a clock pendulum swinging back n forth.
Sometimes my wife will just not get ready for the meeting and we will watch tv or hang out. I never question her about it.
We celebrate non religious holidays and do other no no things for witnesses but I know her heart is still in the witnesses and she believes everything they say.
But, how can she believe everything if she is so weak in the truth and does things that would clearly get her in serious trouble with the elders?
I have Steve Hassan's book, maybe two of them. I will get them out and re-read them because I need to develop an action plan.
My problem is that when she swings toward witness activity I get frustrated and it shows. Then I lose credibility with her. I need to be more even emotionally supportive no matter what she chooses. That is hard to do, at least for me it seems to be.