1. On a scale of one to ten, one being the lowest, how do you rate the importance of trust in your relationship?
11. To me marriage is completely betting the farm on another person. Not just yours, but all your progeny as well. If you really want to bring out what is at stake, let's consider all that my ancestors worked and sacrificed. I bet all that on a person who I need to have my back, see to my interests, and share my goals. Yeah, trust is pretty important to me.
2. One to ten, intimacy?
This is important to me from a practical standpoint. I need to know what she thinks about things, and we have to keep our trust intact. I don't have a big emotional need for intimacy. I enjoy it. Sometimes I would just rather go for a run or read a book. This is more important to her than me.
3. One to ten, honesty?
4. Does your partner trust you? Why?
She says she does. I have to think that if she did, she wouldn't need the security of the org. I don't have all the answers and never pretend to. She figures I can come up with some pretty good stuff if I get enough time, but I am not real quick on my feet. This is all pretty true. She respects my discipline and ability to overcome my upbringing. But she really doesn't have any illusions about me either I don't think.
5. Do you trust your partner? Why?
FOr the most part. The big thing where we are lacking is that she joined this org after I asked her to put it off. I only wanted a little time to understand the implications of her baptism. I also thought it was reasonable to ask her to look at the facts, with me, with a fresh set of eyes. I felt that, as her husband, this was a completely reasonable request. I would never have joined if she came to me that way. But the effects of mind control are deep and profound. She made a profound change in our life without my consent. To me, there is no "us". There is only "her". Even if she left the org tomorrow, I would still be looking for her next catastrophic choice.
6. What does it take for your trust to rebuild? Is it time? Certain actions of your partner?
She has regained much of my trust. She does seem genuinely interested in making compromises in our life. In this regard she has been far better than many of the jw-spouse horror stories I have heard.
7. For you, what is the ultimate trust-breaker? That is, if your partner betrayed you on this, you could not rebuild your trust?
Maybe to personal.
8. Has your partner ever told you that you must adjust your attitude and forgive them?
Nope.
9. Has your partner ever diminished your feelings of betrayal, for example, saying it's not such a big deal?
This is pretty standard I think. The problem is when you present a negative aspect or cost you have had to endure as a result of their choice, it puts them in the impossible position of considering that the org has some toxic aspects to it. So naturally they will attempt to diminish your concerns. I often try to find ways to put them in my shoes. I think we all have attempted this, "how would you feel if I...".
10. Anything else to add? (My favorite question)
Poll questions:
How do you relate/interact with other witnesses or cong members?
Do you talk to non-jw family about your jw spouse?
Are you an "opposing mate"?
If you are a Christian, what are the most contentious subjects with your jw spouse?
When/how/what made you realize your marriage/family was threatened by your spouse's jw affiliation?
