Ok first of all, I am the son of a man who had an affair and divorced my mother when I was five, my sister was 8, and my brother was 12. So you will get the advantage of knowing how it will effect all of those age brackets.
He moved out on my fifth birthday.
So think of me, as your kids and her kids about 25 years from now. I am the person they will become.
I have no idea what is going on in your marriage or your personal life. But your and her children did not have anything to do with the situation you are both in. They did not ask to be born. They deserve to grow up in an intact home.
Your sons will likely grow up without the full influence that they need from their father to be a man. I wonder how much time you are spending with them now, since you are obviously very caught up in your own extra-marital love life. However much time you do spend with them, you will be spending less. Sons who grow up without dads have a very hard time. They just have a hole in them that never gets filled, and they don't even know why. They just can't seem to compete with all the other boys whose dad stuck around to teach them how to be a man instead of leaving their mom for some other woman. They don't realize why, and just seem to think there is somethign wrong with them. They usually end up expressing their manhood in the only ways they can think of, by being violent and promiscuous. It takes a long time to learn, if ever, that being a man means taking responsibility for your family. Luckily I learned it on my own. I love my dad. In alot of ways I am proud of him. But in other ways I am very ashamed of him. I had to forgive him all over again when I had my own kids. Now that I am a MAN and I take care of my family like a MAN, I had to accept and forgive him to the extent that he wasn't.
Now let's talk about daughters without fathers. They, like sons, will have less time than they already have with their very pre-occupied father. Girls are funny, in that they NEED affection from daddy. They need that love like they need air. If they don't get it, they will seek it out elsewhere. Unfortunately that will be in the arms of some young, hormonal boy. Also, since she won't think alot of herself, which is because she will figure she wasn't worth your love, she will tend to pick guys who don't love her either. IT will be her mission in life to fix her relationship with you via finding some bastard and trying to get him to love her. He never will. She moves on from bastard to bastard. She gets screwed over again and again. All cuz daddy didn't love her.
Now let's talk about who your spouse ends up with. Their new step dad is going to be raising your kids part time, and unfortunately these fellas are often pedophiles!!! Pedophiles LOVE to marry women with kids. Obviously dad is to preoccupied to make sure the kids are safe, and mom is so wigged and traumatized over her husband leaving her, she often goes into denial and turns a blind eye to her own children's torment.
Now that is just your children and her children. The problem is that with all the fun little pathologies you and your little jw squeeze have given them cuz you were in love, they will have their children under less than ideal circumstances. They will pass on all this fun to their children. So keep in mind. You aren't just messing with the lives of your children. You are messing with their children. You are likely relegating entire branches of your family tree to the trailer park or worse.
Now let's talk about you, since I fear that is who you are most concerned with. You are going to lose at least half your stuff. You will be paying ALOT of money for support every month. I know guys who pay 40% of their takehome for two kids! Moral of the story... it's cheaper to keep her.
Isn't this fun! Isn't your little love affair worth all this!!!
Sorry dude. I don't mean to sound judgemental. And I actually am not. I have my own problems and I have made my own mistakes. But please think about what you are doing. When you become a father, you become second fiddle. Your children become the most important thing. They deserve no less. I just don't want you to put your kids through what I went through. I gave it to you hard and fast, because I know the little head is doing all the thinking. It is the only thing that might work, and I know that won't be enough.
But please. Quit banging this jw lady, go home, and try to make things work there.
If you don't beleive me, ask my old man! He is a lonely old guy, who spends all his time wishing he could go back. He constantly begs my forgiveness. He has it. But not my respect. It sure has been a tough road. I sure wish he had just whacked off or something.
CYP
