Help - I'm in love with a JW!

LookingIn

And I am not a JW. From what I gather reading this site that makes me "worldly". Anyway, I am embarrassed to say we are both married and have children. She is fairly devout in her beliefs, and believes wholeheartedly in the truth, but doesn't consider herself a fully practicing JW, and she only goes to meeting once a week or so. She knows she'll eventually be disfellowshipped for what she's doing. I am non-religious, but I respect her faith and don't wish to change her or lead her outside of her faith. What I do want is for her to divorce her husband and marry me. We know she will be DF'ed if that happens, but she also believes she can eventually be reinstated. Her biggest fear is that seeing their mom DF'ed will lead her children, ages 9 and 11, away from the truth. She thinks it might be best to wait until they are older. I've told her I'll do anything I can to help her get reinstated once the dust settles. Any advice for me (besides "run, far, far away")? Do you think it's better to start the turmoil now while the kids are younger and will still be impressionable when she's able to get back in, or to wait until they are older and have had a chance to decide for themselves whether they want to follow the truth?

Buster

Selfish Ass.

I've seen this more goddam times than I care to remember. Get in that line ... the one over there ... with all the other selfish asses willing to turn innocent children's lives upsidedown for a fresh piece of tail.

willy_think

No, I have no other advice but RUN.

well you could call her husband and tell him you like to bed his wife.

I respect her faith and don't wish to change her or lead her outside of her faith.

or you could respect her marrige.

rebel8

Keeping children away from a mind control cult is best done earlier in life. AND if you really love this woman, getting her away from it asap and keeping her away from it permanently seems like the best goal.

I don't know what to tell you about your situation, except to check out the "best of" folder on this forum. There are many past threads on this topic.

Info about JWs: jwinfo.8m.com

kid-A

She is fairly devout in her beliefs, and believes wholeheartedly in the truth,

Well, obviously not if she is having an affair with you!!! LOL....Its hard to offer any advice since I dont really know the background vis-a-vis her relationship with her present husband, but no matter how you do this,

its going to royally screw up the kids, and even moreso if the example they have for their mother is someone who intentionally violates the rules of the JWs while simultaneously telling her kids "its the truth" and all

the while getting herself disfellowshipped with the underlying intention of getting reinstated? If there is essential background info missing here, please fill us in. The situation, as it is described, sounds completely

bizarre and these poor kids are about to undergo psychological hell.

Brigid

Dear Lookingin,

I sympathize with yours and her situation. The heart, after all, does want what it wants. And many times, a JW marriage is bereft of real feelings, real love.

This will not be an easy journey for anyone involved. Please do be most sensitive to the children involved. They are dependent upon the people who now have their hearts entangled both in a "morally questionable" situation and a cult to boot.

I would not join the witnesses. That is the only piece of solid advice I can give you. Be patient. Stay on board here and educate yourself.

Love and Light,
~Brigid

damselfly

Number one priority is making sure the kids are protected. This will go very, very bad if they aren't.

Dams

LookingIn

Thanks for your replies so far. I'll look in the Best Of. I was pretty sure this topic has bene covered many times, but the site is difficult to navigate, well at least I'm having difficulty! LOL. It is more complicated than it sounds, and I realize we both look like cheating scum. We will look out for the kids and do anything we can to minimize the havoc it will wreak on their lives, even it if means ending our relationship. I'm trying to get some perspective towards a long range solution that will have the minimal possible long term impact on their spiritual futures.

Good Girl or Bad Girl?

Hello LookingIn,

It's nice to read about the perspective of someone dealing with a situation like this. I only know how it feels to be the JW woman with a "wordly" boyfriend that I love but can't be with.

My personal opinion on this matter is for you to support her as much as possible, but to also do what's right for you. It sounds like she is afraid of consequences that are very real and scary to her, but you might not realize the full impact of them. Please try to always validate her emotions and what she's going through. HOWEVER, she will only regret it if she decides to not be with the man she loves because of what JW's might say or do to her. If you two want to be together and you both want out of your current marriages, you shouldn't let JW's get in the way of it. I realize factoring in her children further complicates things, but I guess I'm saying just make sure your reasoning behind your actions is not dictated by JW thinking.

The best thing, I think, is to make a pros and cons list. What are the pros of her waiting until the kids are older vs the pros of doing this now? What are cons? The pros may far outweigh the cons, or vice versa, or the lists might be equal. If they are equal then you and she can decide which approach your are most comfortable with.

A few things I thought of are: if she gets DF'd now, she'll be cut off from many people who most likely make her social network and will need you to be a strong support to her. Are you up for the challenge? If she waits and doesn't get DF'd until later, you can't be together, except by hiding what you are doing. Is that fulfilling for either of you? Do you want to start your life together now or later?

I'm sure I'm oversimplifying in a sense, and I'm sure I don't have the wisdom to give advice like others do, but this is a topic I feel I know a little about from first-hand experience. I wish I would have listened to my heart a few times instead of the elders regarding a guy I loved who was not a JW.

Good Luck,

Good Girl

anewme

I agree with Damsel fly and the others who stress the importance of taking into consideration what is best for the kids.

There is no happy ending now for the kids no matter what happens.

Are you planning to take the womans children with you or are you counting on the husband getting the kids?

You know I went through a divorce with all the accompanying drama and sorrow and it STINKS and makes me sick to think about it.

God forgive us!!!

Help - I'm in love with a JW!

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