Posts by BugEye

305

Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread

by Seven in

happy monday!.

had no price tag.

much to her embarrassment the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear: "price check on lane thirteen, tampax, supersize.

BugEye

One professor at school (an econ prof) had a strict policy that the hourly examinations were done at the bell and anyone who kept writing on their exam after the bell would take a zero on the exam. Well, one guy kept writing on his exam for a while after the bell and then confidently strode up to turn it in.

The prof looked at him and said "don't bother to hand that paper in...you get a zero for continuing after the bell."

The guy looked at him and said, "Professor, do you know who I am!!"

The professor replied, "No, and I don't care if your dad is president of the United States...you get a zero on this exam"

The guy, with a enraged look on his face, shouted, "You mean you have no idea who I am???"

The professor responded, "No, I've no idea who you think you are."

With that, the guy said "good," plunged his exam into the middle of the stack of other students exams, and did a hasty retreat from the examination room!!!

305

Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread

by Seven in

happy monday!.

had no price tag.

much to her embarrassment the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear: "price check on lane thirteen, tampax, supersize.

BugEye

On preparing to return home from an out of town trip, a man got a small puppy as a present for his son. Not having time to get the paperwork to take the puppy on board, the man just hid the pup down the front of his pants and snuck him on board the airplane.

About 30 minutes into the trip, a stewardess noticed the man shaking and quivering.

"Are you okay, sir?" asked the stewardess

"Yes, I'm fine," said the man.

Later, the stewardess noticed the man moaning and shaking again. "Are you sure you're alright sir?"

"Yes," said the man, "but I have a confession to make. I didn't have time to get the paperwork to bring a puppy on board, so I hid him down the front of my pants."
"What's wrong?" asked the stewardess. "Is he not housebroken?"

"No, that's not the problem. The problem is he's not weaned yet!"

50

Does the Watchtower break up famelies?

by OlderTom in

jw
friends

my word it does.. when i started studying with the witlesses all of my family and inlaws deserted me for following a stupit cult.

my wife divorced me and my children won't talk to me.. that's ok because according to jdubs that proves it's the truth.. as i progressed in "the truth(tm)" all my friends started to abandon me because i was always going to those booring meetings.. when i found someone i liked in "the truth" and started associating with her, some of my witness friends tried to break up the friendship.. ie break up another family before it even starts.. after i married her without getting the elder permission, some of my jdub friends tried to df me, to show how much they loved me.. when they failed to df me some of my witless friends decided to shun me anyway even though the elders pronounced us no guilty.. i should have sued the bastards for slander.

today i'd just give him (the instigator) a good hiding.

BugEye

Older Tom

Yes, but if you analyse the scripture that points to Jesus disciples
as having love amongst themselves in the original Koine Greek, you
will find that the word translated as amongst is in the past
plu-perfect tense and it is prefaced by the intrasegent verb in the
post perfect tense and so in reality, the scripture can be read

"you will know my disciples by how much they love themselves."

And so you can clearly see that this does indeed apply well to the
Jehovah's Witnesses organisation and their members.

Dave

8

The Garden of Eden

by BugEye in

jw
friends

if one assumes that the bible is true, (not saying that it is) then a really big question arises.. eve was in the garden, minding her own business and a snake decieves her into eating from a tree that god had said not to eat from.. she then goes to adam and says that the snake said it was good to eat so i ate it, you try it.. this just doesnt wash. for starters, the first thing eve would really have said is "adam, come check this out, its a talking snake.".

and even if she didnt, he would have said "what, a talking snake, this i gotta see".

dave

BugEye

If one assumes that the bible is true, (not saying that it is) then a really big question arises.

Eve was in the garden, minding her own business and a snake decieves her into eating from a tree that God had said not to eat from.

She then goes to Adam and says that the snake said it was good to eat so I ate it, you try it.

This just doesnt wash. For starters, the first thing Eve would really have said is "Adam, come check this out, its a talking snake."

And even if SHE didnt, HE would have said "What, a talking snake, THIS I gotta see"

Dave

19

Indisputable/physical facts

by Norm in

jw
friends

in the bizarre world that exist within the watchtower society headquarters in brooklyn you can find all kinds of strange statements.

particularly funny is the use of the expressions indisputable/physical facts.

according to the watchtower from 1922, indisputable facts showed that jesus second presence began in 1874!

BugEye

Hello Fred

Are you out there fred? We are really looking forward to your input
on this one fred.

Waiting in keen anticipation

Dave

12

Why our beliefs are true...

by Dogpatch in

jw
friends

from gary busselman:.

a quote from skeptical inmquirer.

"finally, beliefs survive best when their adherents feel they are part of a cohesive community; an ideologue who gives his followers a sense of belonging has already won the battle against skeptics who seek to disconfirm his teachings.

BugEye

What can I say, lots of people buy Fords, does that make them
decent cars, I dont think so (waiting for it)

Good Post

Dave

28

Window Cleaners?

by nicolaou in

jw
friends

like a lot of others here, i gave higher education a miss when i left school (1980).

under the encouragement of the society i pioneered for three years instead!.

now i clean windows for a living.

BugEye

Hi Nicolaou,

I am just finishing up my BSc in Chemical Physics.
2 years ago I got a Diploma in Clinical Hypnotherapy.
I taught myself Pascal and Borland Delphi 6 years ago.
I'm 40

Dave

8

Sheep - why do people keep them?

by Norm in

jw
friends

the bible story of the lost sheep is something we have heard from childhood and it is usually told in the context of the great love shown by the good shepherd, we find it in luke:.

*** rbi8 luke 15:4-6 ***.

what man of you with a hundred sheep, on losing one of them, will not leave the ninety-nine behind in the wilderness and go for the lost one until he finds it?

BugEye

Well what can I say.

Its a pity your not all Aussies, that way you'd understand my next
phrase.

Think New Zealander

Dave

305

Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread

by Seven in

happy monday!.

had no price tag.

much to her embarrassment the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear: "price check on lane thirteen, tampax, supersize.

BugEye

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began
reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"My Son, it's caused by loose living, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man."

"Well, I'll be," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does".

305

Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread

by Seven in

happy monday!.

had no price tag.

much to her embarrassment the cashier got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear: "price check on lane thirteen, tampax, supersize.

BugEye

A guy arrives at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter is reading through the Big Book to see if the guy's name is written in it. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, "I'm sorry, I don't see your name written in the Book."

"How current is your copy?" he asks.

"I get a download every ten minutes," St. Peter replies, "why do you ask?"

"I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I was always the stubborn type. It was not until my death was imminent that I cried out to God, so my name probably hasn't arrived to your copy yet."

"I'm glad to hear that," Pete says, "but while we're waiting for the update to come through, can you tell me about a really good deed that you did in your life?"

The guys thinks for a moment and says, "Humm, well there was this one time when I was driving down a road and I saw a group of biker gang members harassing this poor girl. I slowed down, and sure enough, there they were, about 20 of them harassing
this poor woman. Infuriated, I got out of my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge guy; 6-foot-4, 260 pounds, with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ears. As I walked up to the leader, the bikers formed a circle around me and told me to get lost or I'd be next."

"So I ripped the leader's chain out of his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, "Leave this poor innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of SICK, deranged animals! Go home before I really teach you a lesson in PAIN!"

St. Peter, duly impressed, says "Wow! When did this happen?"

"About three minutes ago."