Posts by coppersgirl67

11

Shunning: How would You Overcome it?

by ABibleStudent in

after reading the thread soon to be 18 and quit speaking to her mother- suggestions?, i started thinking of how to use the wtbts's doctrine to help jws to see what is the real purpose of shunning for the wtbts.

hopefully, some good ideas will be posted to this thread and may help exjws and jws to maintain relationships with each other instead of shunning the non-jws.. how would a jw react to the following?.

do christians shun or not associate with non-jws to help non-jws believe that the wtbts has the "truth", to keep the cong clean of non-believers, or to not be shunned?

coppersgirl67

I just now saw this new thread and thank you so much for starting it. Yes I have sent a card to my oldest daughter a few months after she left but she returned it. I have run into her once and tried to just say I love you and give her a hug but she just acted as if I were poison and then her Dad intervened. My own son at 6 yrs old at the time looked right at him and told him they were terrible people for shutting their own Mommy out!!! I also snuck into her wedding and so as not to make a scene she simply said thank you and let me give her a hug....I told her husband to please take care of my baby and he showed more compassion than she did. I have since only seen her at my grandma and pa funerals which of course my Dad turned into a JW funeral and they werent' even. My son finally got her phone number and I send her a loving text about once a month just to remind her that I love her but have never heard a response. The first time I called and left a message but again nothing.

I have appealed to them both emoitionally...even telling them that I would give anything to have even 1 hour with my own mother who died when I was a little girl and could not ever imagine just writing her off of my own accord.

My son doesn't know hi grandfather and barely ever seen him because his Dad and I decided if Grandpa won't speak to his own daughter then he has no right to speak to his one and only Grandson....of course I am sure in the JW world it is all poor poor Mike!!!!

I guess the best is to enjoy the little bit of time she gives me and then remind her of my unconditional love again, try to explain that complete shunning is not needed because I will never come back, and that she can at least text or emial, occassionaly phone calls....I don't know what she will do. At this time in the last year she tells me complete shunning it what she plans.

41

exJW Psychology 102--How to Ask a Question When Questions Aren't Allowed

by Billy the Ex-Bethelite in

jw
friends

now that enough time has passed and i've moved away, i think i'm overdue to share some of the stories from my fade.

i've mentioned some of this before, but i think it deserves its own thread.. we all would like to be able to freely ask questions about jw beliefs and get our family and friends to really think about certain questions.

however, when you're a baptized jw, you really can't ask any good questions or you'll get the "apostate" label slapped on you!

coppersgirl67

Billy I like that fact that you can pose questions to definatly make one think. You posted on a thread earlier about my daughter who is turning 18 next month and claims she will then cut me off as her sister did over 4 years ago. I myself fled the JW 10 years ago and very happy with my decision and now realize that it is a cult. However, she was raised in it just as I was and stayed with her father after the divorce so he could continue to inculcate her.

Now remember at 18 she will not know some of the indepth things that JW teach as she will when she is older but I want to know what are some basic questions that you would raise to a youth to make them think on their own and possibly even re consider all that they have ever known?

I have made efforts to tell her what I think and why but I feel you are right and that posing some questions are best. I am very interested in just a few questions and if she decides to discuss it a bit futher with me how I can show just a couple of scriptures from her own bible to back it up. Now that I am no longer a JW I have done a lot to stay away from the indoctirnation of any religion or cult and remain spiritual but not necissarily educated on any particular biblical views. I used to be able to beat up a batist preacher on the door step with a bible but now I have lost a lot of faith and equate the bible with the JW mind control and that is something I need to deal with on my own....for my daughter I need to make myself delve in a bit and pull out some interesting points for her to ponder!!!

11

How do I edit my profile

by nonjwspouse in

such as addiing a quote, or place of origin, etc.

?.

coppersgirl67

I guess I joined 8 years ago and came across the site again after years of being off and wish to change my username and password....is there a way to do that?

29

Please help! Child custody

by Cindyrenee in

i am looking for the book the sociey gives to help witnesses with custody cases.

found one link, but could not get it to download.

thank you so very much.

coppersgirl67

Well, I lost my two girls to my JW ex H. I am very saddend and hope to get back in court soon. My civil rights were violated and I am also sending a letter to the ACLU. Many do not believe that a judge will take your children away in favor of them being with a JW parent. Especially a father who is at work all day and leaves all the care to his wife. Who by the way I studied with and was my best friend for years.

I recently viewed part of a trial tape for Sabrina Montgomery. It was the testimony of the elder which was total bull**** and I was amazed to know i am not the only mother who has lost custody in this manner. If anyone could get in touch with her or let me have her email I would really love to contact her. I beleive she lost custody of 2 girls just as I did and would really like to see how things have transpired for her since.

My father testified against me, went to their wedding and still goes to their house for supper. I am no one to him and neither is my son who still lives with me.

You need a very proactive attorney to help you. I used all the info in regard to the custody prep booklet they have that Duane Magnini provided and still lost.

The judge specifically said that she felt she was making a decision like King Solomon. The issues that he used to modify were the fact that I moved. Her response was this does not matter I do not beleive that you were notified and you moved as well. The other issue he said was that I am unfit because I have bipolar disorder. She stated that altho she realizes I have this disorder she see's that it in no way hinders my ability to be just as good a parent as he. That she had given many people with bp custody and that she felt I was dong very well especially with my work with NAMI. She said that issue comes down to the religion where I must make my decision. She said that she in no way wants anyone in the court to feel it is religous discremination. But, that due to the fact that children have been JW sinc birth and that is what the father is that they should remain with him because he would be the one to continue to keep them a part of the religion.

So yes religion should have never been a deciding factor and I myself as well as my attorney and even his attorney were actually shocked that she based her decision this way. That is why I had wanted to appeal because I felt regardless of what the judge said that it was discriminatory and against the weight of all the other evidence I had against him. She even stated to my ex that his wife had overstepped her bounds as a step parent and that she hoped he would control her behavior in the future.

I know it sounds crazy but this is truly what happened. Even in the written judgement it states that the court has made note of why she mad the decision (of course I have never located where this note may be) and that the allegations against me by the ex are found to be untrue.

So I really don't know where that leaves me. Honestly they are displaying the same behavior but he is still a JW and I can only assume that is of higher priority to the judge. He does everything he can to alienate my girls from me.

So I really don't know that trying to modify will do anything.

Shan

3

child custody update

by coppersgirl67 in

jw
friends

i am unsure of how to feel right now.

all testimony was finally given and the closing arguements have been read but we have to go back once again in two weeks to get the judges actual decision.

i am amazed at how stupid their testimony was.

coppersgirl67

I am unsure of how to feel right now. All testimony was finally given and the closing arguements have been read but we have to go back once again in two weeks to get the judges actual decision. I am amazed at how stupid their testimony was. Heath admitted that Heather had to serve detention, that he never signs Sierra's homework, that he never calls me in time to got to a
Dr visit, that he always got extra visits with the girls when they lived with me, and had the nerve to claim that I was from Satan. The clincher was when the judge looked at his little posse of JW's sitting ther that were telling him what to say while he was on the stand. She told them if they did not stop that she would take them out of the court room immed and would not tolerate another one of them to act out as they had. Even the Guardian ad litum said that she just didn't feel that Heath was very articulate or easily understood things. But, even tho the evidence proved that it is Jeni not I or Heath that are raising our daughters, that they will never allow them choices as far as religion, higher education, not allow me to even be included as the mother of the bride at their weddings the GAL recommended that sole custody go to Heath!!!!! Needless to say I was devestated. I cannot believet this. The sad thing is that it was not based on my mental health, which was his reason for modifying in the first place but indtead on the fact that we do not agree on religion and the girls extended family is near them right now. I tried to tell her that their family will not speak to them when they are with me but she just told me to answer yes or no if the children would have contact with extended family and I said no but I quickly got in that it was my parents that chose to avoid them not I who did not allow it. So she totally disregarded the testimony that my own father will not speak to me because of religion, that I am willing to let them choose their religion and will take them to meetings if they wish, that I would not allow them to die by refusing a blood transfusion, and that I would never keep them from their father, and that I would encourage higher education. How? My attorney even went into detail about my little brother who died because of not receiving a blood transfusion. My attorney still seems to feel confident about the judge being in our favor but I truly felt defeated when the GAL chose Heath. I ws strong. I had tears in my eyes but I just pretended to write on my tablet of paper and blinked my eyes before the tears could fall on my cheeks. However, I cannot express the emmence pain and heatbreak I felt. Later at home I completely crumpled on the floor and sobbed until I had nothing left. I fear that I will never again take my children to school, take care of them when they are ill, or ever be allowed to make any kind of decision in their lives. I then spoke to Heather and she said she is getting baptized this Sat as a JW. I feel so strange. There was a time when I waited to share that moment with her. And now I am wanting to be with her to share a momentous moment in her life but cannot help but fear that I will be put even further away from her in the long run. I made th mistake of getting out their photo albums and seeing my adorable girls growing up with their beautiful smiles and happy times. It just tore me up further. When I left the court room my Dad gave me the most hateful look that I have ever experienced in my life. How can the court allow my daughter's to possibly face what I have faced with my own father. I was upset when my attorney chose not to put Mark and my father in law on the stand. I know that she was in a rush to get things done but they could have vouched even more for my health and stability and the situations involving the girls that we have had trouble with. But, as my attorney said most of it was already proved in court by his side anyway or my own testimony. I am so suddenly afraid. I just simply cannot lose them. On a happier note I am very proud to announce that my oldest daughter Heather won Student of the Year at school this year. I am so proud. And to think I taught her to read when she was 4. I knew she was a brilliant child but to know that others see it too was an amazing reward. I need all the support I can get right now. and thank you for all that you have given me thus far. Hugs Shannon

6

recent custody update

by coppersgirl67 in

jw
friends

i am unsure of how to feel right now.

all testimony was finally given and the closing arguements have been read but we have to go back once again in two weeks to get the judges actual decision.

i am amazed at how stupid their testimony was.

coppersgirl67

I am unsure of how to feel right now. All testimony was finally given and the closing arguements have been read but we have to go back once again in two weeks to get the judges actual decision. I am amazed at how stupid their testimony was. Heath admitted that Heather had to serve detention, that he never signs Sierra's homework, that he never calls me in time to got to a
Dr visit, that he always got extra visits with the girls when they lived with me, and had the nerve to claim that I was from Satan. The clincher was when the judge looked at his little posse of JW's sitting ther that were telling him what to say while he was on the stand. She told them if they did not stop that she would take them out of the court room immed and would not tolerate another one of them to act out as they had. Even the Guardian ad litum said that she just didn't feel that Heath was very articulate or easily understood things. But, even tho the evidence proved that it is Jeni not I or Heath that are raising our daughters, that they will never allow them choices as far as religion, higher education, not allow me to even be included as the mother of the bride at their weddings the GAL recommended that sole custody go to Heath!!!!! Needless to say I was devestated. I cannot believet this. The sad thing is that it was not based on my mental health, which was his reason for modifying in the first place but indtead on the fact that we do not agree on religion and the girls extended family is near them right now. I tried to tell her that their family will not speak to them when they are with me but she just told me to answer yes or no if the children would have contact with extended family and I said no but I quickly got in that it was my parents that chose to avoid them not I who did not allow it. So she totally disregarded the testimony that my own father will not speak to me because of religion, that I am willing to let them choose their religion and will take them to meetings if they wish, that I would not allow them to die by refusing a blood transfusion, and that I would never keep them from their father, and that I would encourage higher education. How? My attorney even went into detail about my little brother who died because of not receiving a blood transfusion. My attorney still seems to feel confident about the judge being in our favor but I truly felt defeated when the GAL chose Heath. I ws strong. I had tears in my eyes but I just pretended to write on my tablet of paper and blinked my eyes before the tears could fall on my cheeks. However, I cannot express the emmence pain and heatbreak I felt. Later at home I completely crumpled on the floor and sobbed until I had nothing left. I fear that I will never again take my children to school, take care of them when they are ill, or ever be allowed to make any kind of decision in their lives. I then spoke to Heather and she said she is getting baptized this Sat as a JW. I feel so strange. There was a time when I waited to share that moment with her. And now I am wanting to be with her to share a momentous moment in her life but cannot help but fear that I will be put even further away from her in the long run. I made th mistake of getting out their photo albums and seeing my adorable girls growing up with their beautiful smiles and happy times. It just tore me up further. When I left the court room my Dad gave me the most hateful look that I have ever experienced in my life. How can the court allow my daughter's to possibly face what I have faced with my own father. I was upset when my attorney chose not to put Mark and my father in law on the stand. I know that she was in a rush to get things done but they could have vouched even more for my health and stability and the situations involving the girls that we have had trouble with. But, as my attorney said most of it was already proved in court by his side anyway or my own testimony. I am so suddenly afraid. I just simply cannot lose them. On a happier note I am very proud to announce that my oldest daughter Heather won Student of the Year at school this year. I am so proud. And to think I taught her to read when she was 4. I knew she was a brilliant child but to know that others see it too was an amazing reward. I need all the support I can get right now. and thank you for all that you have given me thus far. Hugs Shannon