Posts by love11

45

I am scared of my future marriage

by jwbot in

i am watching oprah (right now actually) and the topic hits close to home.

good timing actually, because yesterday i was thinking of talking with my fiance, mike about this very thing.

you see, mike really loves kids, and we plan to have them eventually, its a very important part in our relationship (to him, mostly).

love11

And I know that he is goo goo for kids now, but when you have them it will be your responsiblity to take care of the kids. Men do change after having children, and their goal in life seems to reflect more on providing for that child then taking care of the child.

I have no idea who you've been hanging around love11. The WRONG men obviously. Even when I was working and not a stay at home dad, i got up in the middle of the night, changed diapers, LOVED "taking care" of my child. So does my brother and lot's of other guys that I know. Guys that slack off and ignore their kids, ignore taking care of kid duties are assholes. Period. They don't have the excuse of being "men" or "changing". Dont put up with that, don't let them feed you those excuses. That's a load of BS.

I never said that my husband didn't do all of those things (staying up late, feeding, nuturing,etc,.) I said- their goal in life seems to reflect more on providing for that child...... In general a woman is the caretaker of children. I repeat in general. That is why the mother is the one that recieves the soul custody after most divorces. Most not all. In general....I would tell a young girl who did not want to get pregnant that it is probably going to rest on her shoulders to take care of the kids. With todays divorce rate and her lack of wanting children, I didn't think that was bad advice. However, I was speaking in general and each relationship is unique. I stick by what I said because I've seen it too many times before. Luckily, she has made it clear that this is not the case. If she elaborated more on her situation then I probably wouldn't have said anything. But her thread was...I am scared of my future marriage..... I don't know any man or woman that says having a child did not change them. No it did not change who you are, but it definetly changed your life. I agree with you men that do that are jerks, but I don't remember saying that avishai doesn't like to take care of his kids. And before making assumptions on me, I would suggest you really consider why a openly bi-sexual young woman is considering marriage and having children who she thinks she may become jealous of. Jealousy and children do not mix. Hey.. that's my opinion. I'm not passing judgement I'm only saying think about what you really want out of life before having children and getting married. IMHO

93

Changing me Avatar

by kls in

jw
friends

what da ya think ?.

poll,,,,,,,,,,yes -no.

let the polling begin,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

love11

Don't know... let me think about it.

44

You know when you have been on the forum to long when,,,

by kls in

jw
friends

you are talking to youre dub mate and you start telling them a story that you heard on the forum and they ask where you heard the story from.

of course the forum pops in your head and you have to think real quick of another source.

love11

you get a blister from typing so much, your eyes are red, and your butt is sore from sitting all day! ....true

45

I am scared of my future marriage

by jwbot in

i am watching oprah (right now actually) and the topic hits close to home.

good timing actually, because yesterday i was thinking of talking with my fiance, mike about this very thing.

you see, mike really loves kids, and we plan to have them eventually, its a very important part in our relationship (to him, mostly).

love11

Ok, ok- didn't mean to sound condescending. I was only commenting on the little information that was written about your relationship.

It just seemed by your posts that you were being pressured into something that you didn't necessarily want. I was merely saying that dreaming of having a child and really having one are completely different. It changes the best of relationships, sometimes it brings you closer and sometimes it doesn't.

Someone (maybe I heard it on this forum) once said that a couple was married for 50 years and they asked the man- why do you think you lasted so long? He said, "Because we never fell out of love with each other at the same time". I'm sure your mom and dad does have a wonderful relationship, but the ups and downs that they did have, you never saw because you were a child.

And yes, I have seen many men get a girl pregnant just for "ownership". I did not personaly know what your relationship was like or was I making a statement that said it was like this. I was just trying to give you the "hey you might want to watch out for any signs of this", only because I've had too many friends that went down that road.

But hey, you did ask for advice and if you don't like my opinion, I won't be hurt. I was only concerned that your reservations in getting married didn't mean that your instincts were honing in on something. I wish the best for you and your man and only meant well.

45

I am scared of my future marriage

by jwbot in

i am watching oprah (right now actually) and the topic hits close to home.

good timing actually, because yesterday i was thinking of talking with my fiance, mike about this very thing.

you see, mike really loves kids, and we plan to have them eventually, its a very important part in our relationship (to him, mostly).

love11

Well, I definetly think that you waiting on having children is a good thing.

It's not wrong to want to love your husband that much, but it would be unfair to your kids to have 'wanting children' be his "thing". To raise kids, you have to be completely unselfish and give of yourself 150%. And I know that he is goo goo for kids now, but when you have them it will be your responsiblity to take care of the kids. Men do change after having children, and their goal in life seems to reflect more on providing for that child then taking care of the child. ( If you know what I mean ) So if you're not ready to do all of that work, wait! I hate to be blunt, but alot of times men want you to have their baby just so that you'll always be apart of their life. Even if this is just a subconscious thought. Plus if things went south with you and your hubbie then you will be stuck taking care of kids that you really didn't want in the first place.

My suggestion- go with your instinct and only have children when it has become a need of your own.

25

How Do You Discern If Someone Is Telling The Truth or Lying?

by minimus in

jw
friends

what signs do you look for in determining whether someone is really telling the truth, outright lying or possibly using "theocratic strategy"??

?

love11

I've found out recently, that when you question someone that you suspect is lying to you, they will respond with- "What?!!! You're crazy, how could you think I would do that!"

Everytime when someone responds that way,I later found out I was right about them.

I think they only respond that way because they are shocked that you caught on to them.

56

Are You or Were You Ever On Meds For Depression?

by minimus in

jw
friends

i know so many people, not just witnesses that are on zoloft or similar drugs.

i know of some that, once they left the "truth", stopped taking these meds and have not had to go back on them.

i know of some that, if they did not have them, would not be able to properly function......what about you?

love11

Sorry so long, but maybe somebody needs to hear this.

Actually, when I was in the witnesses I wasn't on any anti-depressants. I think because I grew up in it and for me it felt more like a social gathering than "church". I grew up with 3 sisters and my mom was always going to a get together like every weekend. We would vacation about 3 times a year with the witnesses and we always invented a reason to have a party. Basketball faceoff, tobogganing, football game, volleyball, picnic, trail walking, pool party, ice cream, square dance, 50's dance, saturday night fever dance, etc,. (I know it was corny, but at the time it was fun.)

So when I was disfellowshipped I had no one to talk to, no more parties, no family, no friends. I felt like I was in solitary confinement! The only person who I ever talked to was my boyfriend after he would get off of work at 7:00 at night. Then we got married and I was in a car accident that made me have to learn how to walk again. I had 2 miscarriages due to malnutrition. When I asked my mother to help with $10.00 for food she said no. So... I went from a upper middle class family life that vacationed alot and had a good (although abusive) life, down to making under $15,000 a year and spending some time being homeless. I had no job skills so I was a receptionist at a hair salon to make ends meet, while my boyfriend worked at Burger King. Those times really sucked. If I had health insurance I would have been on something, but I didn't.

However, when I had my son I got post-partum depression and everything that has happened to me over the years just hit me hard. I went to a psychiatrist who sat down for 2 minutes with me and put me on some heavy duty med's. I had a horrible reaction to that. My toes and fingers started to curl up towards my face and I almost had a stroke. Before the med's I never felt like killing myself before, but it almost gave me a hunger to kill myself. After explaining that I was never like this before (although he didn't know me long enough to know that!) he had me sign a paper saying that I wouldn't sue him. Come to find out, he was in trouble before for misdiagnosing people.

So on my own I stopped all med's and tried the more natural approach. I was taking St. John's Wort and now I'm going to try 5- HTP and see what that does. I made up my mind from that day forward, no matter how bad things get I will never take med's again. In my mind it is only made for people who physicologically their brains need a synthetic hormone because their brain is not producing the chemicals on it's own. It is not for people who have a bad life. If your life is hell, of course you're going to be depressed. Sometimes you need to allow yourself to be sad, upset, angry, depressed. That's life. If you don't work through your feelings then you really aren't healing, just camouflaging. IMO

96

POLL----

by minimus in

jw
friends

how many here have been a jw since the 70's or before?......80's on?

?

love11

Born into it in 1975.

Stopped attending regularly Aug. 1993

Disfellowshipped Dec. 1993

24

YHWH another pagan god

by homme perdu in

i have read several post in the past that claim that yhwh(jehovah) is of pagan origen.

i never bothered to research this until now.

can someone give me some info?

love11

The Bible is plagiarised!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bible 1

33

Introducing myself

by bitca in

jw
friends

i've been lurking here for a while, so i figured it's time for me to introduce myself.

i was raised in "the truth".

both of my parents were witnesses, and so were their parents.

love11

Hi bitca- I'm glad you're finally able to straighten your life out. It's too bad the adults in your life were more irresponsible than you were as a little girl. But their stupid decisions don't have to affect the rest of your life. Enjoy your freedom from abuse and I ~~hope~~ know the rest of your life is going to be good.

Welcome To The Real World