Evita it really is too bad that things had to be the way that they were. But in the world of strict jw's, it sounds like you had a good relationship with your mother, as good as you can. You can't beat yourself up for the times when you didn't get along with her. People in a cult are very hard to reason with and it seems like they constantly go back and forth on what their instincts tell them and what the organization tells them. Pat yourself on the back for trying to have some resemblance of a relationship with her.
Just a word of advice- Some of my worst years have been spent regreting things that I didn't do or didn't have. Only you can decide to set yourself free from the past to live your life now in the present. Love