First off let me apologize for the long post, but I really needed to talk about this.
I’ve been coming to this site for over a year now. Though I don’t post much, I really enjoy the banter here and also enjoy reading about the events in your lives. One thing that caught my attention almost immediately was how some of you had doubts and eventually came to realize that some things were not right with the “Organization”. With the help of books such as “Crisis of the Conscience” (I’ve yet to buy my copy, but I will) you saw the WTBTS for what it is…a sham.
I wish I could say the same about me. I believed every word I was taught since I was a child. I never doubted anything for a second. I had a lot of friends, I was given privileges, and I felt good knowing that I was doing God’s will. I was going to save the world one person at a time (through preaching) and live forever here on earth. I was happy. I did however have one major personal flaw. I liked sex. I’m not saying this trying to be salacious, crass or dirty. I just have a strong sex drive. My teen years were difficult for me as I began to lead a double life. I was a good boy at the hall and since no Witness kids went to my school I dated the girls at my school and fooled around quite a bit. I thought I was surely going to die at Armageddon. Since I could not be a good Witness, I refused to get baptized. Of course everyone wondered why and I would just say I wasn’t ready. I was 17 years old and not baptized, not a good thing in the hall, as we all know. Just before graduating High School I decided I was going to get my act together and qualify for baptism at the next District Convention. I prayed like you wouldn’t believe. I prayed for forgives, I prayed for strength, I just prayed for Jehovah’s help. I don’t know what it was but something worked and at 18 years old I got baptized. I was good for the next five years. I became a regular pioneer, I was appointed a Ministerial Servant and I was given a lot of privileges. The only problem was that my sex drive did not diminish. I fought it tooth and nail and I figured the only way to remedy this situation was to get married. But I was only 23; I had a lousy job and no education (but I was a pioneer!). How was I going to support a wife? I knew that getting married was only going to create more problems and getting married just so I could have sex? Not a good reason. It would not have been fair to her or me. So I did something stupid. I began to lead a double life again. I dated worldly women and was the exemplary brother in the hall. Don’t get me wrong, I did not slut around. I was never a “mimbo” or anything. I had meaningful relationships with the girls I was going out with (3 total – dating at different times of course, not all 3 at once) but I also had the added benefit of a sexual relationship. These girls were not looking to get married either, at least not at that time, we were all too young and all three of them were attending college and pursuing their respective careers. I did this for 3 or 4 years and never got caught, but I was sure Jehovah was going to kill me at Armageddon. The guilt was unbearable, I felt like a hypocrite (which I guess I was being) and I decided to leave the organization. I faded, and to my surprise no one really made a big fuss about it. I received one last call from an elder asking for my time sheet and I never heard from anyone from the hall again. By the way, all my family is still in and they know that something triggered my departure, but they don’t ask and I don’t tell.
I was now out and I felt like a total failure. I had given up everlasting life for sex. Pathetic. I still believed everything the Watchtower said; I still believed they were God’s organization here on earth. Come Armageddon, I was as good as dead. Flash-forward a few years later and lo-and-behold I come across this site. I’ve learned quite a few things about the Organization that if I were still in I would never have known. The Org is riddled with flaws (to put if mildly) just as I have my “flaw” of a healthy libido. I still believe in God (not the Watchtower), I still refer to him as Jehovah. I try to lead a good life and be a good person. I just hope he understands the way I was “created.” I don’t slut myself around. I don’t have kids all over the place; matter of fact I don’t have any children. I still hope to find that one woman that I can love and share my life with. Actually, believe it or not, I’m a one-woman kind of man and a bit of a romantic. But why should I feel guilty if I physically love someone before marriage?
However, there are times when I think that finding out the true nature of the Watchtower Society is just an excuse to make me feel better and to give me an excuse to continue doing things my way. Did I really just luck out finding the truth about the “Truth?” I know, it’s a bit confusing but that’s how I feel, I don’t know how else to word it. Did we all just get lucky so we could do what we always wanted to, but could not do while in the Org? Celebrate holidays, drink, smoke, curse, have sex, etc.? I know this is not the case with everyone and I don’t mean to insult anyone, again, it’s just how I feel sometimes. I’ll never go back to the Org. but sometimes (such as today) I do think about this. Sorry for the long post. I just had to get this off my chest.
noontide
JoinedPosts by noontide
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20
Did I just get lucky?
by noontide infirst off let me apologize for the long post, but i really needed to talk about this.
ive been coming to this site for over a year now.
though i dont post much, i really enjoy the banter here and also enjoy reading about the events in your lives.
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noontide
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UN finally announces end of Religion
by NotaNess inthis seems to be a topic on the beginning of the big a, that i dont see on this forum.
a jw i work with seems to live his life waiting & emphasizing this one sign.
whats deal, im tired of hearing.
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noontide
One of the outlines for a public talk I used to give was based on this idea. I think it was entitled, "What will the future bring?" I actually enjoyed giving this talk, as the brothers would always talk about this for days after the discourse. However, if memory serves me right the outline did not mention anything about the UN destroying the world’s religions. I never mentioned anything about the UN destroying the world’s religions. I remember clearly stating that government would put an end to religion, but as to what government or governments we did not know. We just had to keep vigilant because once it happened, it would signal the beginning of the end and the government(s) would be coming after us; Jehovah’s Witnesses!
It was actually quite exciting. Usually a murmur would go through the crowd at this point. I always took it to be that the military would follow their own government’s decree, but that all the nations would be in agreement to sink “Babylon the Great”. Never once did I mention anything about the UN, but then again, I never really stuck to the script, it used to drive the elders crazy! -
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should i go?
by bigdreaux inokay, as most of you know, my sisters and brother in law are in town for a wedding.
the girl getting married is a really good friend of mine.
we kind of sorta dated, but, since she was not scriptually free, and i wasn't about to wait for that, nothing ever really came of it.
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noontide
I would say go. Take a small present, wish her and her husband well and leave. Just because you go doesn’t mean you have to stay too long. And by all means don’t drink. Now is your chance to show everyone that leaving the borg does not make you an out of control individual. It will show your class and style and make your friend happy. After you leave, meet up with some friends and then drink up.
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Dating Profile Religion
by frogit ini fed up being alone and looking for that "special soul mate" so i have signed up to direct dating to help find her.
one of the profile headings is religion: so thought i had better check this quiz out just to be sure.
look what came last lol!!
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noontide
According to the website my top three faiths are: 1. Reform Judaism (100%) 2. Islam (90%) 3. Orthodox Judaism (90%) In case you were wondering, JW’s came at number: 15. Jehovah's Witness (53%) Fun site!
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I Feel so alone
by aussie inhi everyone, well im totally new at this but i thought i would give it a go anyway.so here is my story(short version).
well i have been with my boyfriend for 2yrs now and the last 4months he has started to get back into witnessing.
i have said from day one that i dont want to be one, but i did attend a meeting, memorial and some studys i did this for him to see what it was all about.
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noontide
Are you happy in your current situation? Have things changed between both of you since he decided to go back to the Witness? How drastic was the change? If he is serious about returning to the Witness, this situation and the problems you are facing will not change, they will only get worse. Sorry to put it so bluntly but it’s the truth.
2) Try to reason with him and hope stops the Witness comeback process.
3) Break up with him. -
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A moment of silence for VIRGINIA TECH
by purplesofa invirginia tech faculty and students are asking that people wear orange or burgandy today.
let's show our support for the families and friends of the victims of virginia tech.
let's do whatever we can to keep children safe in order to go to school, and learn.
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noontide
Kinks, The - Killer's Eyes
I see so little hope in you,
So much despair,
As I look in your eyes I wonder,
What thoughts linger there.
Life means nothing to you,
At least that's what they say,
But it doesn't mean that you have the right to take life away.
How were we to know what was going on inside your mind.
You never let it show what was going on behind
Those killer's eyes
Killer's eyes
You've seen your picture in the paper.
You're little sister's pinned it on the wall.
She thinks you're in some kind of movie.
Imagine her surprise when she saw you on the news.
Reporters came around and asked for interviews.
So little compassion, so icy cool.
They say you were a poor boy, you know that life can be cruel.
Hate builds up from childhood, your world was a slum
But you haven't got the right to blow it to kingdom come
How could we know what it was like inside a killer's mind
It never really showed, you kept the secret deep inside
Those killer's eyes
Killer's eyes
You say the world is full of bullshit,
So you kill just as you see fit.
They say that you're a fanatic with a mission.
We all go through hell in some kind of way,
Can you tell me what it's like to be there every day?
When you were young you had a vision
Why'd you go and do a thing like that?
And now we see you on the television.
Imagine our surprise when we saw you on the news,
And reporters came around and asked for interviews.
I see so little hope in you,
So much despair,
As I look in your eyes I wonder,
What thoughts linger there.
Life means nothing to you,
At least that's what they say,
But it doesn't mean that you have the right to take life away.
When you were just a child
You'd hide away when other children cried
But how were we to know
These tears that flowed were from a killer's eyes
I see so little hope in you,
So much despair,
As I look in your eyes I wonder,
What thoughts linger there.
Life means nothing to you,
At least that's what they say,
But it doesn't mean that you have the right to take life away.
Those killer's eyes
See the whites of their eyes
Those killer's eyes
See the whites of their eyes -
29
She asked for money
by noontide ini went to visit my parents last night.
id been there for about 10 minutes when my mother looks at me and asks if i can give her 20 dollars.
sure, no problem.
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noontide
Odrade your reply was very calming and thought provoking. Thank you. It's just when she first asked, the only thing I could do was get upset. You are right, he could be one of the good ones, but I still don't support what he stands for. And it's not about the money; it is after all only $20 dollars. I'll have to think about this some more. I appreciate everyone's advice.
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She asked for money
by noontide ini went to visit my parents last night.
id been there for about 10 minutes when my mother looks at me and asks if i can give her 20 dollars.
sure, no problem.
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noontide
Thank you for the suggestions. I think I will drop by the house on Sunday when I know they are at the meeting and drop the money off in an envelope. By the time they get back home it will be too late to give him the money and she can use the money for something else. Of course she will probably put the money in the contribution box the next week, but I don't want to think about that. LOL!
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29
She asked for money
by noontide ini went to visit my parents last night.
id been there for about 10 minutes when my mother looks at me and asks if i can give her 20 dollars.
sure, no problem.
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noontide
I went to visit my parents last night. I’d been there for about 10 minutes when my mother looks at me and asks if I can give her 20 dollars. Sure, no problem. I start reaching into my pocket to see just how much money I have, when she mentions that on Sunday they are going to have a “special brother” coming from Bethel and she wants to give him some money. I froze when she said this and asked her what money she was planning on giving him. Of course she mentions it’s the money I’m about to give her. It took about a second for my blood to boil. Why would I want to give this joker my money? Technically it’s my money she is handing over to him. I kept my cool (outwardly) and smiled and told my mother that I’d forgotten that I spent the money on gas on my way over (lie). So she says, “Well just be sure to get it before Sunday and so I can give it to him.” I mumbled something and left the house. I was pissed!
A few things; my parents are on a fixed income so they have to watch their expenses. Now, I’m not a cheap person, if they need anything I’ll be more than glad to get it for them or help them with any expenses. Another thing, my mother NEVER asks for anything. There are times when I have to force them to accept things because otherwise even if they need something they won’t ask. So why is she asking money for this!? I don’t want to give money to this “special Bethelite speaker”. I guess one could argue that I gave the money to my mother and whatever she decides to do with it is her business. But the thing is, I know where the money is going to end up. I don’t want to support her cause; I don’t want to help this moron out! Arggg!!!!! I’m getting mad as I type this. Voting time again everyone. Should I give the money to my mother? Or should I just get her a nice blouse, or a pair of shoes or anything else, just as long as this joker does not get my money. I figure she already hates me for leaving the truth, so how much worse can it get if don’t give her 20 dollars? I’ll go by the majority of votes. I vote no.
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Ever use door to door for flirting purposes? Ulterior motives?
by White Dove inok, let's be honest.
who has ever gone in service for a reason other than "to encourage bible reading?
" ever flirt at the doors when alone or with the right kind of partner for that?
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noontide
Not quite door to door but this is what happened to me during a book study;
I used to conduct a book study with this gentleman who had an extremely hot daughter. Actually this man was illiterate and I was helping him learn to read with the aid of the Watchtower booklet. His daughter would walk around the house in the skimpiest outfits and kind of hang around the area where we would be studying. Since it usually took him about 5 minutes to read a small sentence, it gave me a chance to flirt (a little) with his daughter and check her out a bit (ok, a lot). She and I were around the same age and I'm sure if had asked her out she would have said yes. However, since I was a good JW my conscience got the better of me and I stopped studying with him. I didn't even pass him off to anyone else. I figured no brother could study with him and not have impure thoughts about his daughter. A few months after I stopped studying with him I saw his daughter walking somewhere. I almost stopped and offered her a ride, but again, I was well trained and just kept on going. What a dope! Oh well...