There isn't any proof that God exits. Then again it would be hard to prove our own exitence and why we are here. If indeed we are here.
Personally I believe that their is a God and there is a purpose beyond what we have the ability to understand.
After 50 years of JW indoctrination and having Joe Hoover shoved up my arse I don't care anymore.
If there is a loving God Punkofnice then I'm sure he/she will understand why you feel the way you do and won't hold it against you. If there is this vengeful god that a lot of people believe in then I think that the worshipers of that god will find that they are also in trouble just like the rest of us.