Posts by sass_my

15

My mother's meltdown

by sass_my_frass in

jw
friends

okay, another self-indulgent post from sass about my mother.

this one's a keeper, it's today's cellphone text war.

a bit of background; she's had the book study moved from her place as her conscience doesn't permit her to have it there while she's still in contact with me, her disfellowshipped daughter.

sass_my_frass

Thanks Skully so much!

1) The elders likely made the decision for her, not her Conscience™ - the noble way she's put it is just candy-coating she puts on it for her own benefit. 2) Who is twisting her arm to still be in contact with you? It looks to me as though she is the one initiating the text message contact, not you.

The elders told her that she can keep the book study... it was her choice to have it moved. I consider this blatant emotional blackmail and am not falling for it. I told her that, but she blocked the information out, probably because she knows I was right. I told her early on that I thought we'd all be better off if she did 'the right thing' with the shunning, but admittedly I didn't push it very hard because I wasn't ready to lose everybody. But thinking about it now, Dad has been a rock all along, but Mum just thought that she'd look like less of a troll to her non-witness family if she attended the wedding and falsified the information in her favour. Ugh.

This is screaming "I'm dumping all responsibility for my emotional distress/ problems on YOU because I don't want to be responsible for the outcome of my own choices"

Too right.

Sounds like revisionist history on your mom's part... or two-faced relatives.

Been trying to work this out. We will certainly watch what we say to them now (Mr Frass said something similar to that without the profanity.... and thought it was in confidence). We think they wanted to talk to her about it because they're tired of being shunned by her for being non-witnesses too, and she took it badly.

Somebody has a problem respecting your boundaries!! If my mother EVER tried to discuss my sex life with me I would not hesitate for one minute to put her on the spot and intrude into her private and intimate activities with my dad.

Don't get me started. I only confessed because she pushed and pushed for the truth. I think we'd all be better off if she'd minded her own damn business, but of course it is her business as far as she's concerned.

Also, the fact that they shoved the knowledge about the consequences down your throat "all your life" does not mean that you have to choose the same life they did. People are still free to be part of a religion and should likewise be free to not belong to a religious group without penalty.

Thank you, I'd not thought of it that way.

She is making the choice to put herself between the rock and a hard place. I am simply amazed at the guilt-tripping that's going on in these messages. She's upset that she has to shun you because you're DFd. She's upset that she got in trouble for staying in touch with you. She's upset that you are respecting the terms of the DFing and not going out of your way to contact her, and then she has the audacity to say that it is because you are not being courteous or compassionate toward her.

And so... now she wants to be 'set free'. And that will upset her the most.

I'm pretty sure I have to do it, but I know it's not the best thing for her, like she thinks. Of all her children it appears the unrepentant sinner is the one who is making the most effort to help her. I know that when I'm out of their lives they'll probably deteriorate into total misery and poverty. I don't want that. She can't see it happening, but I know that armageddon isn't coming to save them. So... I don't know about letting her go.

15

My mother's meltdown

by sass_my_frass in

jw
friends

okay, another self-indulgent post from sass about my mother.

this one's a keeper, it's today's cellphone text war.

a bit of background; she's had the book study moved from her place as her conscience doesn't permit her to have it there while she's still in contact with me, her disfellowshipped daughter.

sass_my_frass

Es; yeah, well okay I've barely been to any, but in my little mind I'm justifying telling her that because as far as I'm concerned I haven't totally stopped yet. And... yeah I know what you mean, as in, okay I'm already disfellowshipped, but I'm pretty okay with it now. I'm grateful to those guys for setting me free; if they'd let me stay I'd have probably thought 'wow what a forgiving organisation' and bled my life dry sticking with it. But now the choice has been made for me. That's good because I'm pretty gutless.

Of course now I wish I'd quit instead have been fired, but not that much. It doesn't matter; I'm out, I'm happy. Very simple formula.

17

my mother

by Ellie in

jw
friends

i would like to write a thread to tell you all about my mother, however it would be very long and complicated and deeply personal, exploring feelings that i don't even know if i have.

but basically, she told me the other day that shes very ill, she needs an operation but the doc has said she wouldn't survive it, this has made me feel so guilty and terribly sad.. what i'd like to ask you guys though is, do you think a child can be so naughty that as an adult its mother should continue to judge, and chastise in public?.

i understand that you don't know the full story, even i don't know the full story but i'd appreciate any comments you have to offer.

sass_my_frass

Oh hon, of all the binding commonalities of people here, a big one is mother issues. They got themselves into a cult that was going to save their family, and now their family is all grown up and still this system goes on. They were never going to get older, their children weren't even going to leave home! They were preparing for persecution and concentration camps, and now they have to work until they're exhausted because the pension doesn't cover them.

It's so sad, and the worst for mothers, because all their dreams for their family just won't come true.

15

My mother's meltdown

by sass_my_frass in

jw
friends

okay, another self-indulgent post from sass about my mother.

this one's a keeper, it's today's cellphone text war.

a bit of background; she's had the book study moved from her place as her conscience doesn't permit her to have it there while she's still in contact with me, her disfellowshipped daughter.

sass_my_frass

I'm pretty distant from her, as in I live on the opposite side of the country.

I only ever talk about her hey, never about Dad? They're still together, he's been the silent victim of all this. He never got baptised but just went alont with whatever she wanted. I'm not sure if he believes it now or just thinks it's easiest to keep the peace. Everybody is glad now that he's not baptised because technically I can still talk to him and thus they can get the goss on me. I think he understands my situation and has always meant it when he said he'd support any of us in whatever we do. At the wedding he made a big point of saying that we have their blessing (well, his in reality), and that was great to know.

When I got d'd I told myself and them that I'd fight for reinstatement for up to three years. I was thinking that I'd give it a good shot and that would be enough time to work out whether I want it or not. Turns out it only took six months to learn that I don't want to go back. I'm going to give it a little more time to be sure, I'm not quite ready to cut all the ties yet. (I'm certainly ready to stop attending meetings, they're depressing, morbid and drain the joy out of me). But I'm not ready to make the call to my folks letting them know I'm spiritually dead. Okay the waiting is hurting her a lot, but I reserve the right to take my time now, I gave them many years of pretending to believe and trying really hard to. It's my turn now.

Mr Frass yesterday learned that this thing isn't over by a long shot, I think it threw him a bit. He's spectacular about it, he knows when to listen and when to let me purge all my misery here.

11

WAS THERE PARANOIA IN YOUR CONGREGATION?

by badboy in

jw
friends

only wondering!

sass_my_frass

I have a feeling it's going to be a bad year for that kind of stuff. See the January WT on apostates? Read the post by the young elder who is just about to burn out and wants a break, talks to his fellow elders about it and all they want to know is whether he's an apostate?

Maybe the love of the greater number is cooling off!!

28

Freedom is spelled Wheelchair

by Lady Lee in

jw
friends

just before i moved into my little apartment my scooter died.

it was an old scooter and the wires were so brittle that they kept shorting out.

when they tried to put a new motherborad into it the chair fried the new board.

sass_my_frass

Hey, congratulations on the hot new ride! Some striping, maybe a couple of phats, we can get that baby cookin!

38

there may be many like defd

by justicehope in

jw
friends

i am a bit nervous making a reply.

i find it a bit challenging to gather my thoughts and express them in the written forum, but her goes!

i have been coming to this site for years.

sass_my_frass

Glad to see you, but I have to say that I avoid reading anything that defd says because it's like sending my brain back in time to when I was offensively self-righteous. * edited for clarity of expression and manners *

158

Huge shock!

by Crumpet in

jw
friends

i just got a major shock.

i can't believe the new levels of cruelty possible within families who are jws.. a friend on this board who i've known since i was a baby practically has managed to get me a picture of my little sister who i haven't seen for 8 years - the one who i've mentioned my dad said was working on the bethel quick build team.

the one who i've described my fears that she and my younger sister are staying single until armageddon.

sass_my_frass

My dad must have immense strength of character to ignore me for so many years.

Your upbeat attitude is what makes you such a goddess, and why everybody who is in your life must adore you!

I have decided in my heart that my response is hapiness for my sister is married. It is the best route.

I concur... be the better man!!

I got this overwhelming mind picture of this family gorging on a feast and the dregs were falling. You chained to the table leg, grabbing at the crumbs and collecting them to make a mouthful.
Your father throws a well chewed bone but your sister looks in disgust and swipes her greasy chin eyeing the dishes for another plateful.
My opinion?
Untie the chain and find your own feast

A striking image that really rings a bell with me. I'm going to have to cut the chains from my mother soon, for the sake of both of our wellbeing. (refer here for today's drama and my current heartbreak... http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/103349/1.ashx )

When that happens I hope I am able to eventually put them out of my heart and not pine for the scraps of affection they throw me. An occasional phone text. A resentful phone call with news that a grandparent has died, only made because they know what tools they'll look if my non-witness family have to break the news.

We don't have hearts of stone and it costs us hey, to keep showing unconditional love to people who don't do the same for us.

i probably will send a card, just briefly wishing them well for the future. That way my dad can stew for a bit and then a nice card will come through and they will hopefully be touched and impressed at my warm dignified response ( I won't say anything snidey) and they will all feel rightly ashamed of the way they have treated me.

I'm glad you'll make dad stew, he deserves it. Plus you have to make the most of the biannual contact you get with them hey? Sorry I didn't mean for that to be mean, but the though has occurred to me that I'll be stretching everything I get.

I wonder how they explained to my non JW aunt, my dad's sister, who they are close to why I was not at the wedding. I bet they've led her to believe its me who doesnt want contact with the family without directly lying so it doesnt bring shame on the JWs.

I wonder about this too... I have no doubt that they wash the facts, both to their non-witness people to make themselves look better, and to prospects, to hide the truth. Would my mother have joined the cult if she thought hard about what she'd have to do if one of us leaves it? I doubt it.

158

Huge shock!

by Crumpet in

jw
friends

i just got a major shock.

i can't believe the new levels of cruelty possible within families who are jws.. a friend on this board who i've known since i was a baby practically has managed to get me a picture of my little sister who i haven't seen for 8 years - the one who i've mentioned my dad said was working on the bethel quick build team.

the one who i've described my fears that she and my younger sister are staying single until armageddon.

sass_my_frass

Oh hon that's appalling, I'm so sorry.

Mr Frass just said 'now that's what I call indoctrination'.

BIG HUGS to you!

23

JWs & Trying to Ruin Others' Holidays (long vent)

by rebel8 in

well here i go with my annual holiday stress thanks to my jw relatives............if you are wondering why i'm on this forum after not being a jw myself for so long, there's your explanation.. i realize they have their beliefs against the holidays but it is soooooooo inappropriate to subvert others' participation in holiday celebrations, isn't it?

(rhetorical question there) i mean, if i did it to them they'd claim i was persecuting them!

i have decided i am going to tell them to stop persecuting me!

sass_my_frass

Isn't it appalling how bad their manners can be? I used to be embarrassed about it when I was in and I'm disgusted by it now. They don't have to make an effort to avoid 'bad associations' - their friends and former family slowly back away from them when they become impossibly rude.

sass_my_frass

Posts by sass_my_frass