Jan, I couldn't agree more! "When l try to talk to others in my church about the WT they think that l am being nasty because they don't get the way that members are manipulated." People just don't believe it.
Joliette, I know you are worried about being all alone if something happens to you. In my limited experience reading about jw's all these years I am reminded of the many, many posts from ex jw's who's parents were lifelong died in the wool (in good standing) jw's who in their later years and on their death beds got no visits or even calls from anyone in the cong. It wasn't the cong, elders or even long time "friends" in the kh who came to take care of the person, it was the ex jw. Often the siblings who remained jw's did not even take care of the parents or spend much time with them. Why do you think your experience would be any different?
Going back to the kh/jw's may seem like instant friends and instant bonding. There is no unconditional love though. You will always have to watch your back so to say, watch what you say, make sure you don't spill the beans about anything lest you become a possible 'danger' to someone. A bad associate. Could you really live with yourself if got someone else involved in the jw's knowing what you know now? Wouldn't you already have a big A (apostate) on you head if you went back now seeing as you left? There would always be a bit of suspicion surrounding you?
Have you heard of Meet Up? google it, there are meet ups (not sure with covid but perhaps even on line) on any subject you could possibly be interested in. Or join a book club, craft classes that are inexpensive and so forth. There are places to make friends both online and in person even during covid. Again, go volunteer somewhere! Nothing gets you thinking less about your troubles as when you go and volunteer where people are going through really tough things (childhood cancer, homelessness, women's battery/rape shelters, suicide hotlines, lonely elderly, paralyzed veterans, veteran hospitals, illiteracy, food banks/soup kitchens, etc.... (some may be difficult due to covid but there must be opportunities out there) At any rate you may meet some wonderful new friends along the way who also are looking for a friend.
Relationships are not instantaneous, they take time to cultivate and maintain. True relationships will not toss you overboard and have nothing to do with you just for thinking and believing contrary. A true friend will not shun you. They love you warts and all.
Do think about finding a pro bono or sliding scale therapist even if they don't understand everything about jw's. A therapist may not understand at first but they will get it and hopefully do some research along the way.
What is one good thing you can do today to improve your situation? Even a small thing. One thing each day. Sometimes writing things down helps, goals etc... Even watching your own thoughts can take work.
Ultimately no one can fix your problems but you yourself even if you went back to the kh/jw's. If you went back you would still have all the same problems and the additional weight that the jw's put on you.
Wishing you well.