Not ever having been a JW and knowing very little about this religion, I am shocked at these shunning tactics. I wouldn't even respond to this friend's email. But, it is easy for me to say that because I've never been involved in such an emotionally screwed up religion. I am sure it must be hard for you to risk losing a good friend. Let us know how you decided to handle it.
Jeannine
JoinedPosts by Jeannine
-
42
I received an E-mail from an old friend....how do I respond?
by schne_belly into my dear xxxxx hello there-how are things going with you?
i've been thinking of you a lot, i've wanted to write you this for quite some time.
i guess we both know that things aren't the way they used to be-between you and i; between you and jehovah's organization-and i just want you to know how much i miss you.
-
-
-
42
An Invitation to a Wedding
by lisavegas420 inyesterday, i received in the mail a wedding invitation...well not actually a wedding invitation, it was more of a re-newal of vows invitation.
with me so far...ok, i'm fine with that.
i even visited her church a few years ago, it was nice, but i don't want to join a church.
-
-
Jeannine
You blew off the wedding renewal after accepting the invitation? Yucky, yucky. That is almost as bad, if not worse, than the bride/groom failing to invite your hubby to the money-shakedown they were planning. Ok, I don't want to make you feel bad, but not showing up is a horrible. I must admit though, I've done it before. About 15 years ago I accepted a wedding invitation and then blew off the wedding. I felt really bad. Having learned from experience, I never, ever accept an invitation unless I know for certain that I really want to go and can go. I think that the best thing you can do is send the couple a gift of money in a card. Write a note in the card wishing them a great time in Hawaii. Also, mention BRIEFLY your regret that you were unable to attend the wedding due to unforseen circumstances. Don't get into a long drawn out apology or specific explaination. Too much apologizing is boring and insincere. Giving a specific explaination, a.k.a "white lie" about specific reasons might bite you in the butt one day if you ever forget what the lie was. Just make the apology a one-liner...short and sweet. The card should be more about the presentation of the gift than about your regrets.
-
42
An Invitation to a Wedding
by lisavegas420 inyesterday, i received in the mail a wedding invitation...well not actually a wedding invitation, it was more of a re-newal of vows invitation.
with me so far...ok, i'm fine with that.
i even visited her church a few years ago, it was nice, but i don't want to join a church.
-
-
Jeannine
My husband and I just reached our 13th wedding anniversary. I will be sending PMs to everyone on this board with my email address that I use with Paypal. Please send all donations to Paypal. We are trying to raise $10,000 to tour Europe next spring. Not knowing my personally doesn't matter. You know "of" me and that is good enough for me to ask you for money to support my wish to vacation. Thank you in advance for your donation.
-
42
An Invitation to a Wedding
by lisavegas420 inyesterday, i received in the mail a wedding invitation...well not actually a wedding invitation, it was more of a re-newal of vows invitation.
with me so far...ok, i'm fine with that.
i even visited her church a few years ago, it was nice, but i don't want to join a church.
-
-
Jeannine
Fe203girl: There is absolutely nothing wrong with giving a gift to a wedding couple that they specified they wanted or needed. However, the gift giver should ASK the couple about their preference. Gift registry cards should never be included in wedding invitations or otherwise advertised. That is just poor form. After my wedding we ended up with a few gifts that we had no need for. But, so what? People often get unneeded or unwanted gifts for X-mas, B-days, and other events. This shouldn't give anyone the green-light to throw manners to the wind simply because it is a wedding and gift registry cards are available. Most people give money at a wedding anyway, so the possibility that the couple may recieve an unwanted gift isn't so great to justify TELLING people what they want and making sure they don't forget by adding the gift registry card in the invitation. Crass, crass, crass. Also, I know of people that are now doing Baby Shower gift registries. WTF? Half the fun of going to a baby shower is shopping for the surprise gift. So what if you end up with two crib blankets? It is not the end of the world and you've saved yourself from offending your guests (by including the gift registry in your invitation).
-
20
I Am Sick Of Going To Kid's B-Days !!
by Jeannine inthe thread started on "an invitation to a wedding" with all its talk on manners got me thinking...... is there any other childless person out there that is tired of being invited to the birthday parties of friend's children?
i am childless by choice.
i have a large family with many kids, visiting me, making a huge mess of my house, bugging me for money to go to the store, waiting for me to drop off their gifts every year, playing pranks on me (i'll get those little suckers back), walking around with my shoes on, peeing in my bed, etc.
-
-
Jeannine
Well, it is not the invitation that bothers me, or the spending money to get the gift. I always appreciate the invite and like I've stated, sometimes I take them up on the invitation and sometimes I don't. I like gift giving anyway, so to send a gift isn't the big deal to me. What freaks me out is that my friend never once stopped to think, "Gee, maybe I'm pushing my friends to attend 3 boring kids B-day parties a year and should chill out on it. I know they are busy people with lives and they can't be enjoying these parties. Maybe its time I stopped making it a big deal. Maybe its time I just invited my kids friends." That is the only part that freaks me out....the lack of empathy on their part. A wedding is one thing...as it is a one-time event. But, THREE b-day parties every year for three kids all the way up to their teenage years? I could understand getting invited every couple of years to an "extra special" or themed party, or a sweet 16th party. However, that is not the case with my friend. My friend has "gather around the table and sing Happy Birthday to little Jane before we pass out coloring book parties". Why in the world would you invite your adult friend to that; year after year after year? Maybe I would have to have kids myself to understand this.
-
20
I Am Sick Of Going To Kid's B-Days !!
by Jeannine inthe thread started on "an invitation to a wedding" with all its talk on manners got me thinking...... is there any other childless person out there that is tired of being invited to the birthday parties of friend's children?
i am childless by choice.
i have a large family with many kids, visiting me, making a huge mess of my house, bugging me for money to go to the store, waiting for me to drop off their gifts every year, playing pranks on me (i'll get those little suckers back), walking around with my shoes on, peeing in my bed, etc.
-
-
Jeannine
Speaking of how long parties are: I just got an invitation to my great-nephew's 4th B-day (Oh, what a joy this is going to be). The invitation says that the party is from 12:00pm to 6:00 PM. Six freaking hours !! I won't stay longer than 1 hour, but what the hell are these people going to do for 6 hours at a 4yr olds B-day party? This party is the day after my friend's kid's party that I mentioned in my first post. So, I have back-to-back days of watching people playing "musical chairs". Please parents, spare your childless friends and stop inviting them to your kid's parties. They are not fun. We will not be offended if you don't invite us. Kids' parties are for kids, not for adults that have choosen not to have kids. Spare us. You give us invitations with good intentions. We appreciate your intentions. Yet, your invitations puts us on the spot to either go to something we don't want to go to, or at least feel bad for not going.
-
42
An Invitation to a Wedding
by lisavegas420 inyesterday, i received in the mail a wedding invitation...well not actually a wedding invitation, it was more of a re-newal of vows invitation.
with me so far...ok, i'm fine with that.
i even visited her church a few years ago, it was nice, but i don't want to join a church.
-
-
Jeannine
I think I could swallow the "make a gift donation to their Hawaii hopes" a little easier if this couple wasn't already married for ten years. If this was a young couple with little money getting married for the first time, my opinion would be that their request for donations was tacky, but understandable. If I knew the couple well (not just a seasonal co-worker as is the case in this thread) AND my husband was politely invited also, I would be inclined to make a donation towards the tacky request. Let's face it, some people are just ill-mannered. I wouldn't judge them under circumstances different than what the original poster explained. But, go back to what started this thread: a "seasonal" co-worker is asking casual associates to donate money so that she and her husband (married a whole decade) can take a vacation !! This couple also has several kids. Come on people......this is mooching at its best. Why not wait for the kids to get jobs and move out so that you can afford a vacation? That is what most couples do. This isn't about a "wedding" because this couple is already married. This isn't about a "celebration" worthy of donations because many married couples make a decade. This is about a couple that is hoping to gather enough funds to pay their monthly bills AND make it to Hawaii when they feel like going. I want to go to Hawaii too....unfortunately for me I have too much class to ask my coworkers to sponsor my trip.
-
20
I Am Sick Of Going To Kid's B-Days !!
by Jeannine inthe thread started on "an invitation to a wedding" with all its talk on manners got me thinking...... is there any other childless person out there that is tired of being invited to the birthday parties of friend's children?
i am childless by choice.
i have a large family with many kids, visiting me, making a huge mess of my house, bugging me for money to go to the store, waiting for me to drop off their gifts every year, playing pranks on me (i'll get those little suckers back), walking around with my shoes on, peeing in my bed, etc.
-
-
Jeannine
The thread started on "An Invitation to a Wedding" with all its talk on manners got me thinking.....
Is there any other childless person out there that is tired of being invited to the birthday parties of friend's children? I am childless by choice. I have a large family with many kids, visiting me, making a huge mess of my house, bugging me for money to go to the store, waiting for me to drop off their gifts every year, playing pranks on me (I'll get those little suckers back), walking around with my shoes on, peeing in my bed, etc. I love the kids in my family and have always attended their functions/parties. So, my life is full of kids and all that comes with them. For the kids I know and love, I will always attend their parties and pretend that there is no other place I'd rather be, for their sake. I have no problem compromising my lifestyle in exchange for a good relationship with the kids in my family. They are great....although they are a pain in the butt. So, I am not anti-kid, by any means.
Now, my problem: I have a friend that has three kids. She has invited me to each of their birthday parties since they turned 1 yr. Her kids are now 8, 10, 16 yrs old. Once every few months I am expected to show up at a B-day, bearing gifts. I usually give the kids money. I am so sick of being invited to friend's children's birthday parties. I don't have kids !!! I don't like playing "pin the tail on the donkey". Geesh. I was just invited to her 16 yr olds B-day party last month. What do you buy for a 16 yr old? Why is a 16 yr old still getting such child-like parties where the mother pressures her adult friends to attend? The 8 yr olds B-day is coming up in two weeks and I have already been told that the "invitation is in the mail" and to "make it to the party". These parties are NOT fun parties to me. Singing "Happy Birthday" three times a year to kids I BARELY know is NOT my idea of a good time. It is getting to the point where my friend calls me and I cringe thinking that another party is being planned. If I tell my friend that I can't go to the party, she lays a HUGE GUILT TRIP on me that is unbelievable. I will then hear, "Well, I am not inviting my family because we aren't talking, so I am only inviting people that I think care about me." Or, "I really need you to come to this party because I didn't invite too many people". Or, "So-and-so didn't come to the last party....so that told me who my real friends are. Oh, umm, I'm sorry...did you say that you couldn't come to the next party?" Yes, this girl is unbelievable !! So, I usually go to the stupid parties out of PITY. BTW, this friend is just a "phone-friend", so I really haven't gotten to know her kids over the years. I only see her and them at these boring parties. Should I just ask her to stop inviting me? I am tired of making excuses not to go, or showing up to drop off a gift and leaving after a few mintues. She lives out of town and it is a long drive to get to her house. Thanks.
-
42
An Invitation to a Wedding
by lisavegas420 inyesterday, i received in the mail a wedding invitation...well not actually a wedding invitation, it was more of a re-newal of vows invitation.
with me so far...ok, i'm fine with that.
i even visited her church a few years ago, it was nice, but i don't want to join a church.
-
-
Jeannine
I don't like gift registries because I am an old fashioned person. I just don't believe that any mention of a gift should be made because it implies that the inviter was expecting a gift. I know that gift registries are popular and becoming very acceptable. Yet, there are many things that are becoming popular and acceptable in this day and age that I will never agree with or be comfortable with.
I also understand that gift registries make everything easier for the person buying the gift. I believe that if you don't know someone well enough to be able to choose a gift that they would like, then you can always give money. In fact, if you don't know a person enough to select an appropriate gift for them, why would you be invited to the wedding in the first place? I guess I am not all for the 300+ wedding guests list where the happy couple hardly knows 30% of their guests. I have been invited to weddings by people I barely know with a reference to their gift registry. I cringe. I would NEVER want people I barely speak to during the year to feel pressured to buy me a gift that I SELECTED from the store that I CHOOSE. The job of the wedding couple is not to make gift giving "easier" for their guests. No, that is not their job because nobody should be expecting gifts to begin with. Instead, the wedding couple's job is to make sure that the guests attending the wedding are comfortable and have a nice time. Most people, including myself, will always bring a gift or money in a card. I always give money because that is what I find to be "easier". I don't need the bride telling me (through a registry) how to make my gift giving "easier". I can figure that out myself. If the bride/groom wants certain gifts at certain stores, then they can take the money I give them (under no pressure) and go shopping after the wedding. This is simple, and it doesn't rub some people the wrong way, like gift registries do.
-
42
An Invitation to a Wedding
by lisavegas420 inyesterday, i received in the mail a wedding invitation...well not actually a wedding invitation, it was more of a re-newal of vows invitation.
with me so far...ok, i'm fine with that.
i even visited her church a few years ago, it was nice, but i don't want to join a church.
-
-
Jeannine
Not only does this coworker disregard the fact that you have a HUSBAND that should be invited, but she then asks you for money to support a vacation she wants to take with her husband of an entire decade? What the hell? Does she also want you to make their mortgage payment for them also? These people have had 10 freaking years to save up for a vacation. I would not go to the "wedding" or give them a dime. I wouldn't even respond to the extortion......I mean...invitation. I know that times are changing and people have relaxed traditional manners. But, this girl is really taking it too far. I absolutely cringe when an invitation mentions a gift or money. I don't do gift registries either. The nerve.