I've got to bttt this. This is by far some of the best writing I have ever seen anywhere. I am awed, impressed, saddened, happy, angry. I think I've got them all. Truly wonderful. Where the hell is the rest of it Sparkplug?!?!
CHL
coolhandluke
JoinedPosts by coolhandluke
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77
You don't have to read this... Feedback Wanted
by Sparkplug inwhen i die may i please have chocolate cake?.
chapter 1. my birth.
i have always thought of my life like that.
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13
Moments of clarity (aka the fog lifting)
by damselfly ini sometimes feel as if my life is lived in a self induced fog (or hamster bubble .
the lastest head smacking moment was me thinking that the reason these moments are scattered might be because the whole thing all at once might be too much to handle mentally.
maybe it's better to realize how scarred you are in little bits at a time instead of all at once.
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coolhandluke
mmm. freaky. after the rum and coke maybe you'll make me do other things that I wouldn't ordinarily. LOL. I am throughly amused.
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black, black coffee
by tetrapod.sapien inwhat is it with people who live life like they bought it at a store?
like they know exactly how it is supposed to work, and they live like it too?
like it's so simple.
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coolhandluke
you know I'm in tetra.
Oh, geez, I'm not trying to censor anybody. Drama!!! I can disagree with a viewpoint, and you can disagree with mine without having a huge amt of drama. Sheesh.
No drama avi. This is a personal reference that I didn't explain. Sorry bout that. I have a tendency to say what comes to my mind. It makes me feel fake not to. However, what I think is not always appropriate. To prevent an unnecessary amount of hurt feelings I have termed my conscience a word sniper. I employ him to help me not to put my foot in my mouth. When I say things without thinking, I say he must be on a coffee break. If you want drama, I can get out my dress, take some estrogen, get a period and then ask why you didn't come home when you said you would, you heartless bastard!!
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13
Moments of clarity (aka the fog lifting)
by damselfly ini sometimes feel as if my life is lived in a self induced fog (or hamster bubble .
the lastest head smacking moment was me thinking that the reason these moments are scattered might be because the whole thing all at once might be too much to handle mentally.
maybe it's better to realize how scarred you are in little bits at a time instead of all at once.
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coolhandluke
speak of the devil and he shall appear
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you call it cognitive dissonance. i call it pain
by coolhandluke inwhen i was growing up i never watched cartoons.
i didn't play with other kids who were not of the same faith.
i didn't curse.
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coolhandluke
Thanks everyone. I appreciate it.
Dams, I appreciate the way you support people. I appreciate the way you support me. Perhaps one day I can buy you a diet Coke to go with some Jack Daniels.
I'm happy for this family whose voices I'd not recognize but whose thoughts get me through.
CHL
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13
Moments of clarity (aka the fog lifting)
by damselfly ini sometimes feel as if my life is lived in a self induced fog (or hamster bubble .
the lastest head smacking moment was me thinking that the reason these moments are scattered might be because the whole thing all at once might be too much to handle mentally.
maybe it's better to realize how scarred you are in little bits at a time instead of all at once.
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coolhandluke
Yes wacky! But onto something. I have my little epiphanies every few weeks usually when I'm trying to figure out why I cannot get something to work right in my life. The solution always comes that it is simply the way we have been programmed. I seem to forget this and then I'm reminded and I smile. The smile comes because I'm finally re-writing my hardwired code. I think you are onto something great.
Have missed you by the way
CHL
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black, black coffee
by tetrapod.sapien inwhat is it with people who live life like they bought it at a store?
like they know exactly how it is supposed to work, and they live like it too?
like it's so simple.
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coolhandluke
I understand it's hypothetical, etc., And I'm not trying to be condescending, i'm just saying to examine your thought processes.
Thank you for aiding me in examining my thought process. I've obviously allowed the sniper who is in charge of censoring the things I say to take too long a coffee break...
After careful analysis, I've determined that people spend way too much time in the pursuit of things that just don't f*cking matter. Then at the end of their lives they say things like, I shulda _____. I just don't want to be that guy. When my grandfather died he left some money, his house, his hats, his chickens and 5 bags of crowder peas. Damn. That is awesome! I never knew him not to spend 2 hours a day at least in his garden. My thought process is simply that pursuit of what matters to you personally, deeply, not on the surface has to be driving. How many people even stop to think about what it is that matters to them? We just go through the daily motions of a grind that we don't even want to be on. Why do that? Being Witnesses, we've been robbed of long durations of our lives without being able to think for ourselves or plan our futures as we see them. All I'm saying is that the future can be anything we want it to be. That is my thought process.
CHL
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30
you call it cognitive dissonance. i call it pain
by coolhandluke inwhen i was growing up i never watched cartoons.
i didn't play with other kids who were not of the same faith.
i didn't curse.
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coolhandluke
When I was growing up I never watched cartoons. I didn't play with other kids who were not of the same faith. I didn't curse. I didn't vote. I didn't think. My life was solely about preaching. The end was coming and I was the righteous mouth of God given the gift of speaking for no other reason than to praise my Creator. I am the best person I know save my mother at delaying gratification. I will have sex for hours simply for the thrill of it. The end is coming. That will solve all of my problems. School doesn't matter. Credit doesn't matter. Owning a house doesn't matter. What car I drive doesn't matter. Being without a significant other doesn't matter. The end is coming. I won't survive it because undeserved kindness cannot cover over the fucked up things that I think nor the fucked up person that I am but I'll be damned if I don't save you. I will talk until I am without voice to convince you that your way of thinking is wrong, mine is right and accepting that will save your life. The end is coming and I will save you. I'm a soldier. I fail daily. I fail at my business, I show up late to work, I don't try harder than absolutely necessary. I fail to deal with my undercurrents of anger. I fail to deal with the aftermath of the fucked up things that I have been through. I fail to deal with my hatred toward my plight. It is a plight, right? I was not born of a free mind. I was born a soldier. God loves that shit. I fight for him, so I'm good. When I die, all I need is a head nod to know that my delayed gratification was worth it. I baptized someone. He'll live. It was all worth it. I'm a soldier. I fail constantly because I am waiting to die. I am waiting for God to kill off all of you unrighteous so and so's who just can't see the sense in listening to my carefully crafted presentation at your front door. I'm waiting to die with you. We'll fertilize the earth together. The offspring of those birds over there will pick us clean. Our bones will nurture the crops of the righteous. I'm good with that. I'm a soldier. The problem with being a soldier is the human component. It cannot enter your mind. These, no matter their smile, these no matter their good character, these no matter my love for them, these no matter their impact on me, these are marked to die. No thinking. Just fight. Just judge. Just preach. Just follow the programming. I'm a soldier. Thinking takes root in my subconscious like a virus. It multiplies and I am caught between my programming and reality. They call it cognitive dissonance. I call it pain. It hurts all of time. Rejecting organs as seemingly vital as a heart or a lung. No surgery can remove these mechanized parts of me so we'll live with them and let the nature of human spirit reject them with time. I cough up blood daily. Only encased in the vomit is not bile nor is it indigestible food. The contents of my sputum are all old ideas about waiting for someone, something to fix what I don't like about my life. I'm a soldier. I used to look around corners for my absentee father. Every black man with a pronounced laugh was my dad. You look just like him Dominick. You laugh like him, you talk like him, you have the same sick sense of humor as him. But then I realized, I wasn't looking for my dad. I wasn't looking for God. I was looking for me. I've been here this whole time, waiting. I've been waiting to be noticed, waiting for my tiny voice to be unmuzzled. I'm a loud reformed soldier. I'm proud of the man that has been there this whole time, waiting for me to see him. I am a raging, breathing, planning, thinking, feeling, searching uproarious success. CHL
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black, black coffee
by tetrapod.sapien inwhat is it with people who live life like they bought it at a store?
like they know exactly how it is supposed to work, and they live like it too?
like it's so simple.
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coolhandluke
It's just the same as wanting "Armageddon" to come clean up everything for you, only somehow "cooler".
Well, you told me. Yeah, thats what it is, my newly exited brain cannot wrap itself around my life or the fact that I can choose it to be however I want. Yes, that and the fact that my uncool past has somehow propelled me to seek coolness by stating that I'd like change. I choose my life. I choose the outcomes. I chose what I did when I woke this morning. I will chose to touch myself when I'm going to sleep tonight.
The sentiment is that change, social and otherwise is necessary. If I had my choice, yeah I'd live in a house with a garden and with orchards. I'd raise animals and kill them for food. That is where my life is pushing towards. I would love for my vacations to be trips into the wilderness or up and down the coast of whatever continent I happen to be on. I don't want Armageddon to come to clean anything, I just want to be free as I see it. That is what tetrapod is talking about.
You must touch type because your condescending statements obviously indicate that you've stared down at your nose in such a way that would prevent you from accurately seeing your keyboard.
CHL (of the not trying to be cool but born that way class)
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Interview with God (Let's write one!)
by AlmostAtheist ingod's been pretty quiet lately, and frankly, i think people have largely forgotten about him.
it's time that he took center stage again and reminded people he's there.
unlike in the past though when he might have killed somebody, floated an axe head, or caused some sort of atmospheric anomaly, today he'd be much more likely to simply show up on the today show for an interview.. let us assume that's what happened.
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coolhandluke
but short figt insues
haha!! god can't spell