God's been pretty quiet lately, and frankly, I think people have largely forgotten about him. It's time that he took center stage again and reminded people he's there. Unlike in the past though when he might have killed somebody, floated an axe head, or caused some sort of atmospheric anomaly, today he'd be much more likely to simply show up on the Today show for an interview.
Let us assume that's what happened. There's God, expressing a corporeal presence into a chair, sipping a latte, and bringing the world up to speed on the happenings in heaven. Please contribute a question or two from the interviewer and answer the question for God, staying within the bounds of the following assumptions:
The Bible really was inspired by God, but it isn't necessarily 100% accurate. Any untruth was intentionally inserted by God. (Scribal errors may also have occurred.) God's true nature is unknown, he may or may not be all powerful, all knowing, loving, etc.
Hopefully this interview will clear up the ambiguity.
Interviewer: "Good morning! I'm very excited to introduce my next guest. You might remember him from such films as 'The Ten Commandments' and 'The Passion'. He holds a starring role in such books as the Bible, the Koran, and the Book of Mormon. With more than four billion admirers and adherents earthwide, he has managed to parlay a single act of creation into a multi-trillion dollar industry. Ladies and gentlemen, let's talk to God!"
[light applause sign. Cue 'Hallelujah' music. Glowing figure forms in front of chair, then sits. Extinguish applause sign.]
Interviewer: "God, welcome. Thank you for coming."
God: "Thank you for having me, my Child."
Interviewer: "Please, call me Elaine. And what should I call you?"
God: "Thank you Elaine. Why don't we go with 'God'? Universal, inclusive, descriptive. I've always liked it."
Interviewer: "I think everyone wants to know why you've been out of the public eye for so long. The Bible shows miracles every so often, but now we don't see it. What gives?"
God: "Miracles are a nightmare to pull off. The more spectacular you make them, the more people start looking for 'explanations'. Pretty soon you get marginalized. It's not worth the effort. Either it's so spectacular that people simply don't believe it, or it's so mundane that they don't care. No win."
Interviewer: "I see. Well, that makes sense. I know many people through the years have wondered about natural disasters, and why you allow them. So many people killed or injured, and you don't step in. Why is that?"
God: "Thank you, Elaine, for touching on this one. Yes, I get a ton of mail about this and honestly I'm sick to death of it. Look, hurricanes are going to happen. Tornados, earthquakes, that stuff happens. You die, you don't die, I'm not really losing any sleep over it. Rather than cry to me, I suggest you get off your collective asses and figure out how to predict and protect so you can help YOURSELVES start surviving these things better."
Interviewer: "I see... thank you... um... if I might pursue this a bit more.. you say you're 'not losing any sleep' over natural disasters. The Bible says you love mankind, but you let bad things happen to him and don't lose sleep over it. How do you explain that?"
God: "Well, I should point out I don't actually sleep! [God laughs] Seriously though, people think they are really something. Entire SPECIES disappear every day and everyone says 'ain't that a shame', but when a few thousand people die, suddenly everybody wants to know 'where's god?' Yes, man is a great creation, collectively. Individually, I'm afraid you're not all that significant. Take that man over there. [God points into the studio audience.] He's going to be hit by a stray bullet next Thursday, linger for a week, and die. Do you think I care? Am I going to do something? Hell no."
Interviewer: "Well, this has been quite revealing. We're going to take a commercial break. When we return, we'll continue our interview with the Creator. See you soon!"
[cut to far camera showing entire studio. God whispers to Elaine. Both laugh. Cut to commercial.]