I went back and married a decent jw, i could not find anything better, the "world" did not make, and still doesn't, any sense to me. The girls outside the org scared me, i could not accept, and still dont, their standards for a serious relationship.
Perhaps you should stop trying to find happiness within an organized group of people. Be your own person. Just because a few girls outside the org scared you and do not live up to your standards does not mean the whole world is evil and has the same standards. Respectfully speaking, it seems to me that you still suffer from the black and white thinking exhibited by most JWs.
Are you of the opionion that the Witnesses primarily have the truth, but are just run by imperfect humans? I get that impression from some of your posts.
Also, you seem to express a lot of insight into exJWs. I am wondering if these ideas were formed from only your own persepective, from your observations from other exJWs in real life (I am curious as to how many you have known), or from your observations from exJWs online.
Have ever tried to focus on the postitives in the world of humankind? I think you will find much greater success!